Sick and dying

I have never had such a drop-down knock-out cold. I took two days off of work! I can't remember if I've ever taken TWO sick days in a row.

Good god. I think I'm about ready to rejoin the world of the living. As for my 10-mile race? The fates have conspired against me. I might be ready to hang up my running shoes for the summer. Or maybe not. Should I summon some race-day mojo and just go for it? Not sure yet.

Bruised and Bloody

I still have a needle track in the form of a big ugly bruise on my arm from where I had blood drawn over a week ago. I seriously look like an addict, or a domestic violence victim.

And then, a second ago, I ripped the back of my hand sitting down at my desk. Yes, people, I bloodied myself SITTING DOWN. Is this what my life has come to?

Pressing On

Don't get me wrong - I was happy enough to sleep in last Saturday, wake up at a leisurely hour, and watch the National Marathon finishers while drinking my second cup of tea! This little break from self-punishment has done me well. The problem is that I have a 10-miler coming up in two weeks and I am probably going to be undertrained!

My current attitude is Oh Well. I'll finish, and probably easily. Will I have the best time? No. Will I have MY best time? Nah. Do I really, really care? In the grand scheme of things? Not in the slightest.

In fact, I'm seriously thinking of taking the hottest summer months off from running and focusing on weights, pilates, and yoga. I mean, why the hell not?

Feeling Good

The Wings have clinched their playoff spot and continue to dominate the League with a 3-2 win over Philadelphia last night, after being down two in the second period.

I've run three days in a row and had two great yoga practices as well.

I'm eating well - mostly clean, a few Cadbury eggs, but the main thing is I'm not sweating it!

The gorgeous afternoon sun haloed all the dust particles on my coffee table, so I whipped out the supplies and cleaned my entire apartment. I feel light and clean and airy.

I feel good.

Back in the Saddle... sort of

Lately I have not felt like doing anything productive. All I want to do is lounge around and read my book, watch movies, cook, go on walks. Running? Happy Hour? Eh.. I'll pass.

I was afraid this might happen. Is it as simple as inertia? Is is that my body, now at rest, wants to stay at rest?

When I'm in high training mode my life is a model of productivity. My flat is clean and tidy, I'm a machine at work, evenings are overscheduled and yet I'm early for everything. But now that I've stepped back from racing, I've become a total Type B. I don't want to be anywhere at a particular time. I skipped yoga this morning not because I didn't want to practice but because I didn't want to practice at 10:30. I just wasn't ready. I don't want to look at the clock or make any firm commitments.

See? This is why I'm always going 100mph... because if I slow down I'm afraid I'll settle in at zero.

Just One More Day Please!

I have had a nice little break from my running and yoga routine. Both Wednesday and Thursday after work I got in bed instead of suiting up and hitting the pavement. On Wednesday for the first time I can remember I took a two-hour nap. Thursday I didn't sleep but got a lot of reading done and stayed cozy under the covers with the windows thrown open and the cool air coming in.

And today... I just want one more day to go home and get in comfy clothes and chill out. So I am going to skip my usual Friday afternoon yoga class. Tomorrow I'll pick it up again with a relaxing run, Sunday back to yoga, and I'll get back on the (slower moving) wagon. I do have a fun run coming up in a few weeks, after all! But just for fun.

I have a new love

Pandora.com

OMG. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Basically, you just type in the name of a song or artist that you like and it will compile a playlist for you with similar songs/bands. And it's free. I typed in "Liz Carroll" and am listening to the most awesome mix of Irish and bluegrass music... stuff I've never heard before.

SWEET!

Reining in my freak

Lately I have been acting like (more of) a control freak (than usual). It is annoying me and I'm sure it's annoying my friends. So, my rememdy is to go home after work and open all the windows and pile lots of blankets over myself and take a nice long nap without setting my alarm clock. Wake up, do some yoga, and commence the annual spring purge... cleaning out closets and cupboards always brings me the sense of control I crave without having to take it out on other people. Trip to Goodwill is scheduled for Saturday.

Dream

I dreamt that I was attending a funeral, but the way we walked into the church was the way you'd walk as if you were in a wedding. Then it was all outside, and I was in the front row of the outside church and even though it was daytime I could see two moons that were full. They were beautiful, but the earth was orbiting so fast that I couldn't get a good photo of them.

Okaaay...

On the metro this evening were two couples and another man, all middle aged. At first they were talking a little bit of business and then the man started raving on about this restaurant they were all going to. He was saying how amazing the food was, how much everyone was going to love it... how he ALWAYS eats at this place whenever he's in town.

Okay, said one of the others, what's it called?

Oh I don't know, the man replied flippantly. But I love it.

Nice Day

It's gorgeous outside! Sunny and warm but dry. Perfect for a walk down to Cleveland Park to meet Matt for an iced vanilla chai and catch-up conversation. Then later I'm going to meet another friend down at Eastern Market to wander around, pick up some things for dinner, and watch The Sopranos. Yes, I'm wayyy behind on this one... just starting Season One, but I'm hooked :-)

Oh, in between those two things I will go for a nice leisurely run with absolutely no pressure to meet mileage or pace goals. Just a relaxing run in the sunshine to improve my health and mood. I can't wait for it!

Feelin' Good

Ahh... just woke up from a nap and found myself surrounded by cats and bathed in the sun. Life is good. I'm going to have a very mellow night... a yoga practice here at home, some wine, a movie (Violette - will post review afterwards), my book, and an early bedtime.

I feel really good about my decision to drop out of the National Half-Marathon. In fact, I am looking forward to my run tomorrow afternoon with no pressure to run fast or meet mileage goals. Running is something I started doing to feel better about myself. I want it to be a source of confidence, strength, and solitude, not masochism and stress.

Let's hear it for being healthy..

Done

That's it. I've hit the wall in my personal life. I am tired of moving full throttle at every single thing I want to do. Nothing is fun anymore. I have no residual energy. I'm tired.

I have decided not to run the National Half-Marathon. I have decided to continue with the plan to run the Cherry Blossom 10-Miler.

I am not only at peace with my decision, the decision comes as an enormous relief.

That is all.

Why Is It That

1. I can be wearing a size four pant;
2. My boss can say I look skinny lately;
3. All my male co-workers notice and LOVE my new haircut;
4. A good male friend can tell me I look especially hot;
5. My dentist can say I look fabulous and what have I been doing to myself;

... and STILL it's possible to feel squishy and large and lazy.

I seriously hate being a chick sometimes!

Back from Santa Fe

Santa Fe was great... a nice long week of reading, siestas, hiking in the canyons, skiing in the Rockies, ceviche, enchiladas, and beer.

I'm thankful to get back to my routine (I AM, after all, a creature of habit) and starting to get anxious about my half-marathon coming up on the 21st. I had a 9-mile run schedule for Saturday, but being the day after a vacation, I ran six miles and was going to head out for the longer distance today. Unfortunately, we had a massive snowfall last night and the sidewalks are covered with ice.

So, my plan is to do a bunch of Sun Salutations today (check), run easy (4-5 miles) tomorrow, try for nine on Wednesday, off Thursday, yoga Friday, ten miles Saturday, and then I will be back on track.

Flexibility is key. After this weekend I will only have one more weekend before the big 13.1....

Miscellany x3

- Today on my way home from work two different people on my metro car ran into people they knew. That kind of thing is so coincidental and yet so DC. It's like a big small town. I run into people I know all the time!

- I thought I was scheduled to run 4-5 miles today but then realized that my training log called for 7 miles. After running nine on Saturday and seven on Monday I was dismayed and almost turned in where I would close the loop for my regular 4.5mile course, but then I got my mojo back and decided to keep going. As I was struggling to run up a tough hill approaching the zoo, a man passed me coming the other way, walking, and said, "That run is doing what it should, my lady, because you look GOOD." Whoo! I pounded up that hill and finished grinning in 1:15:07.

- I have applied to speak at two conference coming up this spring and summer. One in New Orleans and one in London. Have absolutely no idea what my acceptance chances are. Wish me luck.

On Health

As I walked home from the yoga shala this evening I started contemplating health and my attitude towards my own health. It is, I feel, a slightly skewed and counter-productive attitude at times.

When I think of my health objectively, I realize that I should be pleased. I'm rarely, if ever, sick. I get maybe one cold per year (knock on wood!) and can count on one hand the number of headaches I suffer from per year. I rarely have physical pre-menstrual symptoms (though I can get a little teary during that time of the month). I can run 10+ miles at a time without stopping and regularly practice a very tough form of yoga. I don't have a car and walk everywhere in the city. A 2-mile walk during lunch at work or a similar length haul from the metro is like nothing to me.

I haven't known my weight in years but at last check I was hovering around 135lbs, which is perfect for my 5'7'' frame. I wear a size six pant and a small on top. My skin is clear, my nails don't break. I drink plenty of water. I get plenty of sleep and have no problem waking up before 6am daily for my fast-paced and, at times, stressful job. I eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, and protein but don't deny myself the occasional treat.

So why don't I EVER feel healthy? Why do I feel that any pinchable bit of flab is a health failure? Why does my internal monologue run so negatively? Why do I feel like being "healthy" is a dream to which I can only aspire and never attain?

Partly, I admit that I don't see physical health as a lifelong journey. I see it as something that is accomplished in it's entirely and then maintained. So I get frustrated that I can't attain this magical place of health and instead I feel like a gerbil on a wheel, chasing and chasing and going nowhere. This attitude makes the pursuit of health very un-fun.

It's difficult to celebrate the battle victories (a mileage record, a new yoga posture added, a healthy meal instead of a burger at happy hour) because I haven't won the war.

It's tiring, living this way inside my own mind.

Dilemma

I am so fortunate to work in the middle of two great neighborhoods. I'm a few blocks from Little Ethiopia and a few blocks from Adams Morgan. Great restaurants and cafes, great people watching... just... great!

There is a new shawarma place on 18th St that I am dying to try (mm.. shawarma... reminds me of waiting in a massive line to get some from the street vendor in Vienna at 2am after coming back from a night on the town with my new - and brief - friends, Raimund and Elisbet) except that there used to be a gourmet hot dog place (triple vomit) in that storefront.

I am afraid of residual hot dog particles contaminating my shawarma. Somehow I think that my phobia has reached new heights...

Travel Bug Hits Again

Last night I dreamt that I had taken an exotic vacation to Eastern Europe. My travel in that part of the country is thus far limited to one city - Prague - but I obviously can't wait to go back.

In this dream, I flew to Lithuania and then took a quick train ride to two North African cities (Marrakesh was one... can't remember the other) and returned to Lithuania to await my friends.

Man... I wanna GO somewhere.

Nothing in Particular

I ran in bare legs for the first time since fall! My pasty white legs, but bare nonetheless. Having no in-between running clothes suitable for balmy winter days like this, I dusted off my running skirt, threw on a long-sleeved top, and hit the pavement. My times have been great lately. Here's a sample of my times for my "normal" (that is, base-building) 4.5-mile hilly route around my neighborhood:

January 9 - 47:50
January 15 - 46:04
January 17 - 44:48
January 22 - 44:44
January 30 - 45:16
February 2 - 43:33
February 9 - 43:59

I am happy with those times. They include stopping at traffic lights (should I stop my watch? I never do) and maybe an occasion 5-10 seconds here or there if I'm nursing a cramp.

Later this week I will start the actual mileage-building portion of my half-marathon training.