Spidey Sense!

So I come home from work this afternoon and as I unlocked the door to my urban flat, something felt off. I stood in the doorway and, as I've been taught, took a visual inventory of the room.

Cats seemed okay - both snoozing, Natasha deigning to crack one eye and glance my way. Desk seemed okay. Burgundy throw folded on the couch, as I'd left it this morning. Cereal bowl from breakfast on the coffee table - check. Door to the bedroom closed - check. Pile of cat toys by the closet door - NO CHECK. Those were NOT there this morning. What's more, there was a purple toy mouse on top of the pile, haven't seen one that color laying around in a few weeks. Some cats are the types to bring "presents" to their owners or stockpile their toys; mine have never picked up that habit. That was all I had to go on that something was wrong, and I felt silly, but the hairs on my neck were standing up, breathing was shallow, body still - classic "fight or flight" preparation.

Yes folks, my spidey sense was activated by oddly placed cat toys but I am not nuts. Still standing in the doorway, I could see through the closet into the bathroom, where the toilet lid was open. Uh uh. I do not leave the lid open because Elena likes to splash in standing water and I don't want her to go in face first and drown.

Someone was in my apartment today, I knew it, I just knew it. The cat toys and toilet lid solidified my gut feeling. I walked slowly into the bathroom and confirmed it - maintenance replaced some of my sink fixtures. Simple as that, but I knew, I knew it before I even saw what they fixed, I knew it by my feeling and by one tiny thing out of place, one purple cat toy amongst the dozens that are laying around, and of course the cats play all day and scatter their toys, but something about THAT TOY was just wrong and I KNEW.

Intuition, yeah.

Deer in the City

So after a long day at work and an even longer wait in the doctor's waiting room, I decided to take out my pent-up energy on the pavement and do a slow five-miler in the waning sun.

I was rewarded by the sight of two huge deer feeding on the grounds of one of the embassies in my neighborhood. That's right - two bucks, enormous, munching peacefully on grass, two blocks from the metro and two miles from downtown Washington, DC.

I love this city!

Today's Lesson

It was about ten degrees cooler today than it has been. The weather felt positively brisk! I neglected to discern, however, that ten degrees cooler than 96 is still pretty damn hot. So yeah, I ran out too fast, but overall enjoyed a nice run and a brief reprieve from the oppressive heat we've been having.

That said, I must confess that I didn't see Une Vielle Maitresse after work as I had intended. I sort of figured - why bother? I may have had it with Breillat. I might Netflix the film; then again, I might not.

Sheesh

This is my cat Natasha laying directly on top of my mouse-arm while I am trying to check my email.

"All True Artists Are Hated"

Or, "Why I am About to Retraumatize Myself"

"I am the pariah of French cinema," says Catherine Breillat, with a wicked smile and a hint of pride. "That can make things complicated for me: it is never easy to drum up a budget or to find a distributor for my films in France. Some people refuse even to read my scripts."

-from the Telegraph, May 4, 2008.

I first encountered the Parisienne filmmaker Catherine Breillat as a naive and innocent teenager. I thought that a film about the coming of age of two sisters, A Ma Soeur (English title: Fat Girl) would be interesting and thought-provoking. Also, it was in French, a bonus for my burgeoning tastes in foreign film.

What I saw left me so shaken that I sat in my cold Jeep Wrangler and struggled to compose myself enough to drive the one and a half miles home only to curl up in bed.

Yeah. It's no wonder she names David Cronenberg as a kindred cinematographer. Loyal readers may recall a particularly traumatizing experience watching a movie called Crash; except it wasn't the Crash that everyone ELSE was watching, the one with Sandra Bullock that speaks to race relations in the United States. Oh no. Instead, I accidentally watched a film by the same name but directed by David Cronenberg that immersed itself into a strange subculture of people who are fascinated by and like to recreate, even in dismemberment and death, car crashes.

It was my first (and last) time seeing homosexual amputee sex scenes.

Anyway, back to Catherine. The second film of her's that I had the not-pleasure of viewing, Anatomy of Hell, featured such cinematographic gems as a man immersing a blood-soaked tampon in a glass of water, and then drinking the water; a young girl squishing a baby bird to death with her bare feet (yes, it's a real baby bird and yes, the baby bird really dies right there in front of you. Not. A. Prop.). Et cetera.

Why on earth I am planning on indulging her latest absurdity, Une Vielle Maitresse (English title: The Last Mistress) is a bit of a mystery. Masochism? Perhaps. But, as she explains to the British Telegraph, Catherine may be exploring new territory with her latest film. Apparently it's deep and toned-down (despite, apparently, a scene in which the lead character licks blood from her lover's chest after he is wounded in battle).

The film stars Naomi Campbell and Cristophe Rocancourt. Neither of them are actors, indeed Rocancourt is an indicted criminal who spent five years behind bars for fraud.

Like several other directors (Michael Haneke being a notable example) there's something about Catherine that I just can't get enough of, despite her harrowing, mentally exhausting films. Standby for a review after my viewing on Thursday... if I can actually think coherently.

Decisions

So I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but recently I have decided to try to be a bit easier on myself, mentally and physically. I'm limiting runs to no longer than 5 miles (until half-marathon training begins) and made some other changes to my workout schedule in the hopes of achieving overall physical health without all the self-beratement I am prone to.

However, I am worried that the pendulum will swing too far in that direction, and it seems to be so... once again, we are going to have a day in the upper 90's and I just don't think that running in the heat would serve any point. I usually go to a yoga class on Sunday mornings, but I've had non-stop week, including yesterday, and now I just feel like staying home in my air conditioning and catching up on The Wire.

Sigh. Well hey. If I'm going to skip yoga and stay in, I'm going to ENJOY my down time and not spend it beating myself up for being lazy. Here's to attempting to achieve some semblance of mental health :)

Frustrated

It's 93-degrees outside and the sun is beating down. It's brutal. I sweated through my shirt walking three blocks to the metro at 8:15am. I really, really, desperately want to go running, but my logical mind is telling me to stay home, stay inside, and drink lots of water.

If it were FIVE DEGREES COOLER I would probably suffer through it...

Mike Farris

Can't No Grave Hold My Body Down!

The other night I went with some friends to see Mike Farris play at Ebenezer's on the Hill. He's this great bluesy gospel singer and gave a great show to about 75 people in the basement studio of the coffee shop.

I've been meaning to post a YouTube video of him, but I keep getting drawn into his music and forgetting to actually send the clip to my blog ;)

Sigh, okay, once again I am technologically inept and cannot figure out how to post the video inside this post. So, see above for clip.

Decision

Okay... so I have been beating myself up far beyond what is normal over the state of my workouts lately. So I have made a decision. Until I begin formally training in mid-August for my half-marathon in October, I am going to limit all runs to 5-miles at the maximum and try to improve overall health and fitness, instead of panicking and running longer distances before I'm ready, resulting in a weaker body and higher levels of frustration.

I'm also going to work on allowing myself to acclimatize to the hot weather rather than pushing myself and expecting the same level of endurance that I had back in April/May when the weather was twenty degrees cooler.

All in the name of trying to be kind to myself and recognize accomplishments for what they are, rather than nothing ever being good enough.

So weak!

This morning for the first time since setting my will do it, I slept through my 5am run.

Totally, completely, conscientiously on purpose.

I woke up and just decided that I didn't want to do it. So I reset my alarm and went back to sleep. I even caught a later bus - the 6:18am - than usual.

Hopefully, this spike is utter laziness will not become a trend.

Presents!

Trent, my dearest friend (and celebrity!) sent me flowers and chocolate for my birthday!

This is the first time I've ever received flowers and chocolate. And oh... how I hope I'll be receiving them many more times in the future.

Thank you my love!

Reflections on Another Year

As I turn one year older and mark my fifth anniversary of moving to DC, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect on my life so far. It's summertime and we have interns in the office, which is very interesting, fun, and insightful, as I'm reminded of how far I've come since my days interning in 2004. I can say this - for all that they have to look forward to, all the options before them, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. I don't miss the professional and financial uncertainty that comes with the close of schooling and the entrance into the working world.

I'll have four years at my job this October. I may be the only one of my friends that is still working at their first job out of school! But I value that stability and have developed a professional reputation for myself: I'm trusted at work, sought out for special projects. I've been asked to speak at conferences and universities. I just submitted the page proofs to the editor of the book I'm contributing to; the other contributors are the leaders in my field today.

I love my apartment and my kittens. I'm working hard at being more social, and some great new friends have helped with that. I'm getting plenty of exercise and eating well.

It's been about a year and a half since I got rid of my car, and I couldn't be happier with how that decision turned out.

When I really look at things, there's little I would change about my life today. If and when I decide to move on from my current job, I have an idea of what I'd like to do, and I wouldn't mind starting to find some ways to bolster my resume to be a desirable candidate in that area. Maybe some volunteer work at a local organization on the weekends to get some experience, more networking, joining a professional organization or two and attending some conferences. But that will come naturally, and with time.

Overall, the state of my life, twenty-eight years in, is: centered and happy.

Sigh

Elena fell sounds asleep on my hand as I was checking my email tonight.


When I tried to gently extricate myself, she wrapped her little paw around my finger and held on.

Long Weekend

I've never needed it more. I totally burned out today. I could not even remotely force myself to get out of bed this morning and ended up sleeping in and taking the 6:18am bus. I realize that sounds nuts - in terms of 'sleeping in' - but I usually take an earlier bus.

Anyway... it has just been a draining week all around and I desperately need some unstructured time to run, bike, practice yoga, experiment with my new kettlebell, catch up on some reading, and generally regroup.

Here is a shot of the bride and groom (my brother is so handsome!)

TRIPLE UGH TIMES A MILLION

I feel awful right now. I spent the hours after work debating whether or not to have a yoga practice (see Twitter feed --->) despite the fact that:

*I have a blister on the bottom of my toe that really hurts when pressed in the way that my foot presses my yoga mat;
*I have a uterus full of blood that is about to come slowly leaking out over the course of four days, and;
*I ran this morning at 5am and was low on energy;

but because:

*I always feel better after yoga and rarely feel better because I skipped;
*Class on Friday is cancelled so this is my only opportunity for a studio practice until Sunday;
*Otherwise I feel like a pathetic lump of lard.

Result? A horrible, rushed, monkey-minded practice and now I'm home feeling sorry for myself. This is not the first time I've bailed on a yoga practice in recent weeks. I hate struggling like this. How can I pull myself out?

Wedding Weekend

I'm finally back from my brother's wedding in Wallingford. What a fun weekend! Lots of Duboeuf pinot was consumed, I channeled my inner francophile, many water balloons were tossed (sometimes at moving targets!), much mezze was consumed, stories were told, vows were spoken, and the newly married couple (MY brother!!) is unwinding for a few days before returning south to their new home, where they will soon have a weekend visitor (me!).

I managed to run twice, with my father, in Connecticut but I still feel slightly groggy and out of shape. I'm back to my pre-dawn routine and also ordered a kettlebell workout set, which will hopefully help with my strength and muscle tone.

I napped for about an hour after work today, and when I woke up, this is what I saw:


Yep, a Natasha on my chest, staring at me. And now I have Elena pacing back and forth in front of me, dragging her tail under my nose and blocking my view of the screen. Wedding photos are uploading right now and I will post some later on!

Leaving Town

I'm heading to Connecticut in a few hours for my brother's wedding. I think my cats know I'm leaving. They both curled up next to me on the couch and put their heads down, but they were breathing kinda fast and kept their eyes open. Poor things can't relax. They'll be in very good hands while I'm gone, though, so I'm not worried.

I will, however, be incommunicado until Sunday night. Til then!

Schedule

Yay! The funnest weekend ever approacheth! This is my approximate workout/travel schedule for the next few days:

Tonight:
Advanced yoga class

Tuesday:
Advanced yoga class

Wednesday:
Pre-dawn run (3.5 mi)

Thurdsay:
Morning (not pre-dawn) run (6 mi)
11am - leave for Union Station
6pm - arrive in Wallingford, CT to assume my official role as the last unmarried child

Friday:
Morning run (with father?)

Saturday:
Wedding day
Workout TBD

Sunday:
Early run
Donuts

The challenge for the early part of this week will be to continue to workout when I can, sleep enough, and eat totally clean. I have smashing, limited runway edition dresses that I need to fit into in just five short days!

I've been over-eating a little lately but if I just get back in track starting NOW I should be okay, says Skwigg and I believe her because I have no other option ;)

The Small Things Matter

This morning I was just stepping outside when I noticed that the bus was already at my stop, letting on the two people who ordinarily wait there with me in the mornings. Knowing that I wouldn't make it in time, as the doors had already closed, I sighed and began walking to the metro.

I can take metro to work, but it's an enormous pain in the morning when time is of the essence.

I was all set to be in a bad mood when the bus driver pulled up next to me and opened the doors! Yay!!

SO TAKE THAT all my colleagues who advise me to vary my routine. I LOVE that my bus driver recognizes me because I'm on his route every morning and that he picked me up even though I didn't make it to the stop. Little gestures like that really matter, especially in the city where things can feel so anonymous.