Overwhelmed and I Want to Cry

But I've never been very good at that sort of thing.

It's impossible for me to describe the two things that happened today that drew back the curtains on my world to reveal a giant chasm of possibility, beauty, potentials, and ideals. I feel both inspired and deeply sad.

The only thing to do is to sit quietly with this zeal, this yearning and longing and offer it to God, Who alone can make something worthwhile come of my pitiful life.

TMI

My first order of business after work today was finding a piercer who could replace the bead that has mysteriously vanished from one of my nipple rings. I noticed it last night, and have the ring sans bead taped down all day to hopefully avoid losing the whole thing. My heart stopped when I noticed the missing bead; about once a month I'll have dreams about my piercings falling out, but this is the closest it's come!

I first stopped at Fatty's, who did my tattoo, but their piercer was off today. Just as well, actually, I've seen him work and would not want him anywhere near me with a needle - not that replacing the bead requires any of that, but a shaky hand is a shaky hand and I don't want one anywhere near such a sensitive area.

So then I embarked to find Tattoo Paradise in Adams Morgan. For whatever ungodly reason I decided to walk the mile or so between neighborhoods. Due to an unforseen footwear issue from last night, I have blisters on both heels and on the soles of my feet, which are also swollen and scraped up. Between that condition, the blaring heat, and the beating sun, I was pretty delirious when I finally found the place. But George was very nice and I have two shiny new silver beads and am only out $5.

I made it home and decided that I've had enough of being outside for one day and am going to have a little yoga practice here instead of walking to the studio. Word on the street is that we're supposed to have "severe thunderstorms" sometimes between now and 8pm. I would love nothing more than to open a bottle of wine, the blinds, possibly the windows, too, and watch a storm from my sunroom. There hasn't been a good one all summer.

Sunny Day Salutations

I think this blog encourages my writer's block.

Since college my prosaic prowess has degenerated daily.

I've already had to use the Thesaurus once this post.

Also, I think my penchant for solitude is eroding my conversational competence.

Last night I had one of the most lively, interesting, and at times intimate conversations that I can remember, in the recent and not-so-recent past. Looking back, it seems like such an amazing thing. I've apparently forgotten what it was like in college, where I was exchanging ideas and being challenged on a daily basis.

I miss that. Repartee, civilized argument, exploration of attitudes and perspectives are critical elements for the cultivation of the mature mind. And a mind, once matured, makes no guarantees to remain in such a state. It requires tweaking. Pruning. Scathing, even, and regularly.

Updated Thesaurus usage count for this post: 3 - Pathetic.

Good Find!!

Today a girlfriend and I walked up to Chevy Chase to have iced teas and we stopped by a video store that she likes. Imagine my astonishment at discovering the most extensive and complete Asian film section that I. Have. Ever. Encountered.

We rented Suzhou River to watch later this week, and got to talking to the guy who checked our film out for us, who might be the owner. He asked about our interest in foreign films, Asian in particular, and I mentioned how impressed I was at his selection. He asked if I had spent any time in Asia, and I said I had been to Shanghai but actually my favorite director is from Hong Kong: Wong Kar-Wai.

"We have a whole Wong Kar-Wai section downstairs," he said.

I started hyperventilating with pleasure.

"Oh my god!" he exclaimed, "You're BLUSHING! Your arms, too!!"

What can I say? I really love Wong.

Rainy Day Ruminations

Today while walking home from work wearing a white skirt and rather clingy red top, I got caught in the rain! I owned it, though, not afraid of accentuating my curves. And since it was raining, not many people were out walking around, and thus I was free from leering strangers.

Which got me thinking. I'm confident, I know I've got stuff to strut. And I like that I get noticed, most of the time. What it comes down to is, I think there's a big difference between being admired and being ogled.

I very much enjoy being admired by a lover or boyfriend. I do not, however, enjoy being stared at in bars. Both (the second possibly to a different degree) are measures of appreciation, but I think what matters is the taste of the person doing the staring. I would think that guys in a bar are probably staring at every girl that walks by, so while they may be appreciating me in some way or another, their tastes are not very discriminating. It cheapens the compliment.

I liken it to cooking a gourmet meal and serving it to someone who ordinarily eats hot dogs. He may enjoy the cuisine, but his praise wouldn't mean as much as if it came from a connoisseur.

Sorry, John

I know we had tentative plans to visit closer to the film release date, but yesterday when my brother called and proposed an excursion to the newly erected Kwik-E-Mart in Bladensburg, MD, I could hardly say no! We got Krusty-O's, Buzz Cola, and squishees! It was very fun.

The place was pretty difficult to find - despite the address being on Kenilworth Ave, there is no sign for Kenilworth Ave anywhere nor is there any indicated that Route 201 IS, in fact, Kenilworth Ave. Once we figured that out, we still ended up on a wild goose chase through the parking lot of a public housing complex, which is where the signage led us in order to go north. But we found it (packed!) and had a pretty good time all in all.

Dream

I just dreamt that I kept receiving plane tickets to Greece in the mail that were from a mysterious stranger whose name, on the documents, was written in Greek cursive that I couldn't read. The tickets would come in the mail, but I would never go to the airport and get on the plane becuse I didn't know who they were from, really.

And then one day the names were in a form of Greek that was easier to read, and the name sort of looking familiar (minus a few letters) and I thought I realized who they were from, even though I didn't really remember meeting anyone in Greece with whom I promised to come back.

So then I was coming down this weird escalator where there are vendors and you have to buy something from them and then they lower you to the ground so you can descend, but I only had a dollar so the vendor opened a pack of gum for me and let me buy one piece, and at the bottom of the escalator were my brother and Christos, this guy I met in Mykonos who was apparently the person who was sending me the Greece plane tickets, which is weird because in my dream he had just moved to DC for four years, so why would he be flying me to Greece?

Semi-Serious Post

Sometimes being a friend is difficult.

Often times, being a friend is difficult.

I am still learning how to be supportive without judging.

I suck at it.

I'm extraordinarily gentle with my friends compared to the way I treat myself.

That's depressing, considering that I'm actually quite harsh with my friends.

But when they want to self-destruct and I don't want to let them, what am I supposed to do?

My not so secret admirer sent flowers yesterday for the Big Two-Seven... he is going through a bit of a rough time at the moment and I am sending him all my love...

I was just in the middle of reading the Washington Post Book Reviews, when:

Tonight after my yoga class I met up with my new friend for another Thai feast. I ordered modestly: vegetable soup, satay, and spring rolls. He proceeded to order four more appetizers and two entrees, including a whole steamed rockfish in spicy lime cilantro broth. The waitress had to ask us to move to a different table (for four!) because the table where we were seated wouldn't accomodate all our food.

On the walk home I saw some lightning bugs (cute!) and also a vanity license plate that read HEY JERK.

Happy Fourth!

I didn't feel like going downtown tonight for fireworks, so I decided to wander up to the rooftop terrace to see what I could see.

I could see everything! There were fireworks going strong on all sides! The entire river was lit up with displays from Alexandria and Anacostia, I could see the displays from Georgetown, U St, and lots of others... the whole city looked to be sparkling.

Happy Independence Day.

Gratuitous Cat Pics

My girls slept in a big pile between my feet this afternoon... it's a little blurry because I took the shot with my cell phone. Adorable.

Natasha's Favorite Spot

Cautious Success

I set out this morning determined to enhance my wardrobe. I was even prepared to go into debt (and I did, heh). After trying on a gazillion things at Lord & Taylor only to feel my frustration mounting (why does a SMALL hang like a BAG on me??), I decided on a whim to stop by a little boutique. I had been by a few times but couldn't decide from the window displays if the clothes were really me, or if they were even my age!

But the girl who helped me was amazing and everything fit beautifully and I ended up spending way too much money but I love all the clothes I bought.

My refrain while at clothing stores is always, "I never see anything I like!" Why can't that ever be my problem at the grocery store??

On that note, I'm going to have a bowl of Breyer's Black Rasperry Chocolate Chip ice cream and enjoy the hot, sunny day.

Lazy!

It's been a weird week. Not unduly stressful, but a couple of evening committments and late nights amount to no yoga and a drowsy Diana.

Just now, I slept right through my 4:45 class, and I don't necessarily feel up to rolling out my mat right here and flowing through the poses.

I hate going a whole week without yoga. Not only because I feel flabby, but because yoga is such a great anchor for me.

So I'm going to have some tea and try to slowly wake up and find the energy to do a few Sun Salutations and try not to feel so generally useless.

I AM NOT ASHAMED

Yes, I am about to go watch Larry King's interview with Paris Hilton.

Whatever, don't judge me.

A Taste of the Other Side

This evening, for about an hour, I had a sugar daddy! About a month ago the owner of my yoga studio threw a party and I got a chance to talk to some of the people I practice beside every day. One of those was a guy about my age and his girlfriend. We had a good time talking and then went out for drinks and food afterward. They were a fun pair.

I've been seeing them in class from time to time, and tonight he was there alone. We walked out together and ended up going to the Thai restaurant next door. Looking over the menu, I made my choice rather quickly. When the waitress came, he ordered soup and three appetizers for both of us, and his own entree plus a couple bottles of Perrier. I ordere my entree.

So, not a $500 tab or anything, but I'm getting to the sugar daddy part - when the check came, he paid with one of those black American Express cards...

Wednesday Evening Blues

For reasons of feeling stressed and rushed in general this week, and also possibly dealing with an existential crisis, I decided to skip my sign language class tonight.

Did I mention that I'm taking Advanced American Sign Language at the library? First class was Monday night and it was great. There is even a very attractive deaf guy in the class, sort of like an assistant-teacher. I think he's friends with her and just likes to sit in.

But tonight I would have had to rush and barely make it in time and I just decided to come home instead. I took a bottle of wine and The Seven Storey Mountain up to the rooftop terrace and read for a while, then came in and painted my toenails.

How Considerate

A few minutes ago I noticed that my kitten Elena threw up on a dishtowel that had fallen onto the kitchen floor.

What considerate aim she has.