Pushing On

I'm exhausted. And yet I push on.

In many ways I consider myself an athlete. I have endured years at a time of comparatively relentless and brutal training (in martial arts, training for a marathon, etc). And although I'm not formally engaged in combat training at the time, I still practice various forms of physical arts under the watchful eyes of professional instructors. I still try to use my body above and beyond it's natural (lazy) inclinations.

One thing that I've always thought sets the athlete apart from the casual exercizer is the athlete's propensity for training even when he or she doesn't want to. An athlete doesn't have the luxury of taking an unscheduled day off. An athlete doesn't bag a run because it's 25-degrees and snowing. An athlete recognizes the committment, both spoken and non, to an esteemed teacher.

And so I try to push on.

I love yoga for the way it encourages a turn of attention to the interior life. Much like the martial arts philosophies of which I have some experience, yoga insists that the practitioner balance, at first precariously and then (one hopes) with surrender, labor and effortlessness.

The same applies to the prayer life, the seasons of contemplation. Labor is involved, but not toil. A letting go of the will is required even as one must use some sense of discipline to wait out the inevitable moments of darkness.

Major "Aha!" Moment

A good instructor makes all the difference. In my yoga class this afternoon, with just one little word of advice and a tiny adjustment, I finally understood how to relax into Seated Half-Bound Lotus. Note: the picture you see is neither me nor my instructor, but borrowed from this site.

I had a couple of other breakthroughs, too. I love how yoga is helping to form my interior life. It also does wonders for my confidence. I love how with consistency I see improvement in my asanas each time I practice.

Yoga rocks.

O, The World!

My kittens have begun sighing. Big, heavy, rattling sighs; they turn their big eyes on me as though they're carrying something heavy on their conscience.

Unemployed free-loading loafers, I'd like to know just what in your lives is so serious.

Fragment

From tonight's episode of The Simpsons:

Random editor of a writing competition journal, upon reading the winning entry submitted by Moe: Stop the presses, buy my wife some flowers and get me an Advil! What? You don't work for me? Well, you're hired. And now that you're hired, you're fired. Now that you're fired, we can be friends. Now that we're friends, you never call - what kind of friend are you? Hangs up.

Heehee.

The Way It All Began

I am so excited to go visit Trent. I may even come home with a little surprise for you all...

This morning I was thinking about how we met, so I will tell you. I was 17, in high school, one day saw a book lecture announcement at Border's a couple miles from my house. I decided to check it out; it was on a weeknight starting around 7:30, I think. The attendance was small - five of us plus the discussion leader - and Trent was one of them, having read the book for his graduate class at U of M.

We all clicked immediately and got really caught up in our talk about the book. Before we knew it, the store had closed around us, and suddenly I saw my mom striding through the store with this worried expression! I was a bit mortified, but then I found out that it was near 11:00 and she had called the store when I didn't come home and was told that we had broken up some time ago and the store was closed. So she drove over and found my car, unlocked, in the parking lot, and thus was understandably a bit anticipatory of my whereabouts. So that is how Trent met me, my mom, and my mom's boyfriend at the time all in one night :)

And for a while she didn't like Trent (I was 17, he was 23, you know) but now she adores him, being that he has "withstood the test of time" and having become one of my most faithful and interesting friends.

I cannot wait to live the pseudo-celebrity life for a few days in sunny LA!

Contemplation

Do not be too quick to assume your enemy is a savage just because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy because he thinks you are a savage. Or perhaps he is afraid of you because he feels that you are afraid of him. And perhaps if he believed you were capable of loving him he would no longer be your enemy.

Do not be too quick to assume that your enemy is an enemy of God because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy precisely because he can find nothing in you that gives glory to God. Perhaps he fears you because he can find nothing in you of God's love and God's kindness and God's patience and mercy and understanding of the weaknesses of men.

Do not be too quick to condemn the man who no longer believes in God, for it is perhaps your own coldness and avarice, your mediocrity and materialiam, your sensuality and selfishness that have killed his faith.

--Father Thomas Merton

I'm Going To LA!

But not for another month.

My dearest friend, Trent, happens to be a celebrity blogger. Of course I knew him way back when blogs didn't even exist. In fact, his first online journal was on easyjournal.com, where you had to copy and paste from Word. But somehow he went from teaching at a swanky private school in a swanky Detroit suburb to giving Spears/Federline soundbites on CNN and weighing in on E! celebrity news shows.

His blog gets thousands of hits everyday and is sometimes even featured in the Post and the New York Times. Nicole Richie recognized him standing in line for the movies. He's famous, I'm telling you, and I knew him first and he's flying me out to LA next month!!!!

Paraphrased from my new favorite comedienne

I sometimes wish I had a degenerative disease. I already feel achy and tired all the time, but if I were actually diagnosed with something, I would feel exactly the same yet be described as courageous. I could roll out of bed at noon and people would say, "She insisted on getting up!"

Saturday Morning Cat-Nap

Telling

On the metro this morning a guy and a girl board together. At least I think they're together: despite the basically empty train car, they choose to sit together. They don't, however, talk, touch, or do anything to indicate that they are more than brother and sister. At their stop, he rises first, giving me a chance to see what she's reading: a self-help book called The Emotionally Available Man.

I dreamt last night that the metro went to India! So I took the train through snowy mountains and ended up at an underground lake broken up by caves. It was well lit and the water was very clear. Gray whales were just about to begin leaving offerings for the resident blue whale, and the person I was with showed me how to grab onto the fin and hitch a ride with the gray whale to the blue whale, streaking through the water.

Dream

A few nights ago I dreamt that I was trying to deliver a package for a man, but he wouldn't let me. We were in the car, he was driving, and he kept doing things to delay the delivery, like changing the contents of the package. Or we would pull up to the house and I was supposed to jump out and leave the package on the front porch, but he wouldn't stop all the way, just keep driving really slowly so I couldn't get out. Finally I got really frustrated and tried to jump out of the car to deliver the package but at the last second he shouted "No!" and grabbed a handful of my hair and I was like, "Okay, fine, I won't deliver it yet."

Gone and Back Again

Just had a nice long weekend in Michigan. An indulgent massage, French cafes, a pretty good film, family, presents (!), sleeping in, coffee with old friends.

It's nice to come home to two little creatures who are happy to see me, although I think it took them a few minutes to realize who I was!

I feel well-rested and ready for the week. Or, at least, ready for tomorrow.

Repetition-Compulsion

For the first time in my life I own a scale. I do not know if I like it. I can see how a person can become obsessed with weighing himself.

Sad

I've always prayed that my path be illuminated; I've never prayed that traversing it be easy.

Resolutions

1. Elevate my life to meet my tastes. This means upgrading a few choice items of furniture; purchasing clothing more mindfully and not sacrificing style for cost; revising my grocery list to reflect a physically and emotionally healthy lifestyle.

2. Continue contemplation of the classics. Devote at least six hours per week to the study of ancient Greek.

3. Rekindle my love of Irish music. Play whistle, bouzouki, or banjo at least two hours per week at home, alone.

4. Create and complete a mature reading list. Beginning with The Brothers Karamazov and continuing with classics both traditional and contemporary.

Who Has the Day Off Tomorrow??

I do! I do! I have to work on Friday but I anticipate a mellow work day going into the New Year's weekend.

That means I can go to the session tonight and have some beer! Woot!

And then on Friday evening Rob and I are driving to Charlottesville to have dinner with my dearest friend and muse, a person I haven't seen in years and miss terribly. It should be fun. I'm craving lamb.

Incidentally, and speaking of craving, Rob has a blog. He's a great writer. You'll be salivating.

The Gift of Gifts

This is a time for cultivating the inner life. I love the coming of the New Year - quiet resolutions bring hope for strength of character and spiritual growth.

Spending a quiet morning wrapping gifts. Looking forward to an elegant dinner tonight with friends and loved ones.

Poor Rob!

Thousands of people, including my dearest, are stranded in the Denver airport. Last night was Rob's second night sleeping on the floor.

Pushing On

Today I accidentally left the house for Sligo Creek Park without my watch.

I became accustomed to always running with my watch during marathon training season. That was how I kept track of my minutes-per-mile (especially important for analyzing pace during 15+ mile runs), water breaks, and cool down. When I ran my 14-mile training run - a personal distance record - in the Catskill Mountains, my training coach encouraged me by musing that my watch will be my coach for that run, and it was; it reminded me when to stop for water, when to cool the pace, how far I could expect to my turn-back point.

So even though I was only going for an easy three today, my bare wrist incited a bit of anxiety, and honestly, I didn't feel much at the top of my game. Despite the cool, sunny weather and light breeze, despite it being nice to just run, I couldn't find my stride.