The following is the result of a joint post composed by
Matt and I after one and a half bottles of wine and scouring our memories for conversations over the past several years.
Reasons Matt and Diana Can Never Date-Diana is too clean.
-Diana does not do well with "flaky" people. To her, this means people who do not always arrive EXACTLY when (or before) they say they will, or people who do not always do things EXACTLY as she expects them to be done. (N.B.: Diana's "expectations" are based (fairly) on what the person says they will do.)
-Diana has cats. Matt has a bird.
-Diana likes red wine. Matt only likes white wine.
-Diana notices everything Matt may happen to do accidentally. Matt thrives on people overlooking the little things.
-Diana can't sing. (N.B.: Not true!)
-Diana refuses to serenade Matt on her bazooki (N.B.: bouzouki).
-Diana thinks that Vespas are cooler than Segways.
-Diana makes more money than Matt does.
-Diana won't let Matt touch her. When Matt tries, she says, "HEY now! No funny stuff!"
-Diana is technologically inept.
-Diana is afraid of Matt's messy apartment.
-Diana is a fan of the "tough love" school of losing weight. Matt needs babying.
-Diana does not buy into Matt's many reasonable excuses.
-Diana likes the car/apartment far too warm for Matt's tastes.
-Diana gets up way too early and does not enjoy the night life.
-Diana is too argumentative.
-Diana doesn't like chick flicks.
-Matt has seen Diana naked in a professional context. (N.B.: Matt would still likely give Diana a chance because he is a compassionate individual. But to Diana, Matt is like a doctor. Matt has seen her, clinically, in all her glory. Romance is a difficult and fleeting thing to achieve, and the clinical aspect of the photography has made that tricky.)
-There is a lot of competition for Diana.