I don't think I can go to the library anymore!

Ugh, I totally screwed up at the library and I don't recover well from faus pax like that. I am so embarassed. I don't know if I can go back. Ack!

I wanted to go today and check out a few books for my trip, but I hadn't been to the Capitol Hill branch of the library yet. I assumed it would run similarly to the Cleveland Park branch that I had been using. Mistake, apparently.

So, I walk in and over to the computers. A few are free. I sit down at one and start to sign in using my library card ID, as the screen says. It doesn't work. I try three times and I can't get it to work. I try to ask the woman sitting next to me but she absolutely does not acknowledge that I've spoken to her. She sort of glanced at me and then straight back at her screen and wouldn't look at me or answer my question!

Just as I'm starting to think that's odd, the librarian comes over and asks me if the computer has been reserved for me. Um, what? Of course it hasn't been reserved for me. I have no idea what she's talking about. She reaches over my shoulder and clicks "CANCEL" and the screen says, "RESERVED FOR AJANNETTE." Um, what? She says, "You have to reserve these computers ahead of time." Meanwhile, Ajannette is standing behind her giving me the sinkeye and I feel totally embarassed.

So I follow the librarian over to the reference desk and I apologized and said that I never had to reserve a computer at the Cleveland Park Branch, I'm new to the neighborhood, I don't know how it works, sorry, sorry, etc and she says, "No. You have to reserve the computers at all branches." Um, what? I have NEVER had to reserve a computer in Cleveland Park! I swear! And no one ever yanked me out of the chair and admonished me! But I kept my mouth shut because by now everyone was staring at the clueless chick who barged in on the reservation line like an idiot.

She asks for my library card and driver's license and asks me if I'm over 18. Um, yes. I'm almost 30 and I have gray hair :) But, I said, I don't need to reserve a computer now because I have lunch plans and just wanted to look up a book quickly but I don't have time anymore.

"It's not lunchtime."

Well for some of us 11:30am IS lunchtime, but okay... I still needed to go... so I told her I didn't need a computer, got my ID card and license and left the library with no books.

I am SO embarrassed! I wish there had been signs on the computers reminding people to reserve them. How are we supposed to know?? Ack, I hate it when I don't understand the rules someplace and make an idiot out of myself. I'll have to wait a few weeks before I go back, and even then, I know I'll be walking on eggshells. :(

I love fall

Autumn is my favorite season. The crisp, clean breeze. The crunchy leaves. Pumpkin muffins and peppermint hot chocolate (though not at the same time!). I love turning the AC off and sleeping with the windows wide open, covered with lots of blankets (and cats). I love running and wearing makeup that doesn't sweat off. I love soft, ballet-inspired sweaters and early-morning wisps of spooky fog.

I love it all.

Cats have so much to teach us

... about self-care!

My cat Natasha always manages to find the coziest spots to rest in. Not like Elena, who is known to curl up in the middle of the floor and snooze. Um, what? Convenient, yes, but not cozy. Not like my Natasha.

Here she is between her scratching post and the little step into the bathroom.

And here she is in ooth of their favorite new spots, lounging in the very wide windowsills..

And just to be fair, here's Elena hanging out in the windowsill, too.

.

Life Update

I started running again! I'm such a Type A.. I thought to myself that I would start running again this weekend, it being a long holiday weekend. Fine. But today was so gorgeous that after work I wanted to run. But I told myself, "No, you said you would start this weekend and that's when you start!" What the hell is wrong with me? I am such a rule-follower... especially when the rules are self-imposed! So anyway, I went for a run and no kidding - it was hard! But very satisfying. I'm looking forward to a long fall/winter/spring of running.

I feel very settled in my new home. I've been cooking and the kitchen is feeling more and more natural. I had a package delivered today and my mail has started coming. I know my commute and it's still a pretty easy one (30 minutes to work by bus, 30 home by metro). I'm finding my way around the neighborhood, to the little corner stores and whatnot.

I'm not sure what to read right now, though. I've been shopping my bookshelf and I have a few unread books but right now I want something comfortable. I'm thinking of re-reading the Claudius novels by Robert Graves. I absolutely LOVE them. Maybe I'll start those as well as a new one, so I have something on standby for when I want to read but don't feel like paying attention to a new plotline.

The long weekend is coming, followed by a short week. On the 11th I'll take a train to Connecticut for the weekend to attend my cousin's wedding. I get back on Sunday the 13th and on Tuesday the 15th leave for the United Kingdom for two weeks.

Why should my life slow down?

This is the weekend!

Yes folks, this is it. This is the weekend when I will resume running. As my faithful readers know, I have taken the hottest summer months off from running to focus on weights. And it's been great! But the weather is getting cool now and I'm itching to get out there. This coming weekend is a long one and now that I'm two blocks off the National Mall I really have no excuse to keep the shoes hung up.

Reports forthcoming...

Evening in my new pad

Just a Sunday night, drinking wine and working on the Washington Post magazine crossword, with the Capitol dome in the background. Sigh......

I'm Home

Well I'm here an unpacking. I'd say I'm about 80% done. It was not as rough a day as I expected, but I can't help feeling a little melancholy. Homesick? I know that sounds weird, but I feel like I've left my home to move to a new place. This place doesn't feel like home yet, but I will. I know it will.

I'd say the weirdest thing about all this, and maybe part of my anxiety, is that I'm really here now. I never had any plans to leave DC but now I'm REALLY not leaving. Not for ten years at least. That, my friends, is a very odd feeling - I'm really not far off that hectic part of life where everything moves in four-year bursts. That's over now, and I'm in the settling in part of life where roots and routine really matter.

I feel like I've entered a new stage of life, and not just the "oh you're a homeowner, you're all grown up!" part, but even without the home... the life I have now is probably similar to the life I'll have ten, fifteen years from now. Good thing I love my life :) But it wasn't so long ago that something brand-new was right around the corner - new school, new city. No longer.

This is it... and I think I'm doing good :)

I'm a homeowner!

And it really wasn't that stressful! After doing the final walk-through this morning and getting the keys, I splurged on a hot chocolate and we went to the settlement office. I signed my name about fifty times and paid an obscene amount of money... and we were done!

A couple of nice things: everyone involved was great. The seller was very nice (it was an investment property so he is used to this process). The realtors were very nice, the settlement attorney was great. Everyone was in good moods and the vibe was lighthearted.

I had been over the three main documents with my brother, a mortgage lender in Miami, the night before, so I really felt as though I understood everything that was happening, and I had the chance to get my questions cleared up before signing my life away. That surely helped the process go quickly and smoothly.

There were no "surprises" no additional fees, etc. In fact, my monthly payment (mortgage, taxes, interest, insurance, and PMI) ended up being about $100 LOWER than on my earlier estimate. Not complaining!

My realtor very kindly bought me a bottle of Korbel champagne which I will enjoy tomorrow night while looking at the Capitol dome from my new pad!

Did I talk about New Orleans??

Okay well... I will! I was there working, actually, but found enough time to have some fun. I ate my freaking HEART out. Poboys, wine, mufaletta sandwiches, beignets and coffee for breakfast every morning, a random night of sushi, cheese, gumbo, fried alligator tail... you name it, I ate it! I definitely did not deny myself. Surprisingly, my pants still fit by the end of the week!

This is a shot of me giving my conference talk:

I had a great turnout and lots of good feedback.

I went with a friend we rented Piaggio Fly's for a couple days and took our own graveyard tour! The graveyards were awesome and super creepy. Here is me on my scooter all decked out in rain gear:

All in all it was a really good trip. Long enough to really get a feel for the city and know my way around. Long enough so that I missed home :) But not so long that I was wondering what to do with myself. I'm glad to be home though and will be glad when all this upheaval is over!

Progress and Sadness

Well, the books are packed. Artwork is off the walls. Most of the real packing won't take place until Friday afternoon. I'll need stuff until then, and I'm not the type to pack halfway. I'm not going to pack the whole kitchen except for one dish. No way. It's all gonna go at once. I'm neurotic like that.

God, I guess this is actually happening. I'm not getting cold feet (yet) but I do feel sad. I talked to my neighbor this evening about the move. We've been trading cat-sitting duties for years, and he's lived in the building for 14 years... so he's seen a lot of people come and go. He got me a gorgeous pair of earrings made from 2000-year old Roman glass! Sob!! I have it good here. A gorgeous flat, nice neighbors.

But I'm really excited about my new place, my new neighborhood, my new investment... a place to call my own, where no one can raise my rent, where I'm contributing to the local economy, where I can paint the walls and re-do the floors (eventually... heh). I'm ready for this and I can't wait for Saturday evening. What happens between now and then, well, I'm just getting through.

Countdown

Thursday - Final walkthrough
Friday - Settlement
Saturday - Move

I HATE MOVING. I hate it so much. I hate being confronted with the mass of my crap. I hate the mess and confusion. I hate the sweat and the dragging and the multiple trips.

I do enjoy setting up a new place and exploring a new neighborhood. I just hate the process of moving and it's such a long process... I feel like time stands still in the middle and there's that point where you aren't close to the end at all and you feel like you'll be in the process of moving for the rest of your life.

But... I have little choice... am just trying to keep my eyes focused on the end result. My own home!

Presentation Success!

Having a grand old time in New Orleans. Feeling thick around the middle and hazy in the brain, but managed to pull myself together to give a great presentation a few hours ago. About to get together for a happy hour cocktail with some of the others in the field that I only see once a year or so at some annual conference or another.

Tomorrow - vespa rental! Gonna cruise around the city on a little 50cc vespa and give myself a personal tour of the graveyards.

Return on Saturday evening and prepare for the week of packing, signing my life away, and moving into my new digs.

Oh PS

I HAVE MY FINAL LOAN APPROVAL!

Oh god that means I am going to be paying a mortgage.

Quick Hello from New Orleans!

Having a fantastic time in the Big Easy. Started Sunday with a long exploration of the French Quarter and riverwalk. The food is too good to be believed, though the French Quarter nightlife scene is not really my thing. It's great for people watching but full of groups in their early 20's just looking to drink as much as possible and highlight their evening by puking in the street.

Monday I was in a workshop for part of the day (I AM supposed to be working, after all!) but found the time to take the St. Charles St trolley to the Garden District. The houses... amazing... I love the second-story porches and floor-to-ceiling shutters. Love it. Walked back along Magazine St through the warehouse district and ate at Mother's, a New Orleans institution.

Now I am waiting for my travel companion to get back to the hotel with our rental car. We're setting out to explore the bayou and find some real Cajun food...

The conference starts tomorrow and I speak on Thursday. I do intend, however, to find some more jazz, do some more shopping, and continue to commit a very slow suicide by food.

I can tell that I'm stressed

This condo situation must be stressing me out more than I think. Lately, every little inconvenience has felt like a catastophe. I can't handle the slightest bit of uncertainty and my frustration level over things that are really no big deal is through the freaking roof.

Case in point: I just found out that use of the fitness center at my hotel in New Orleans next week is $10/day. I honestly feel short of breath with anger over this. I'll be down there for a week and I really want to maintain fitness, continue with weight-lifting, etc so I don't undo all my progress being sedentary. But I'm trying to drop a couple hundred thousand dollars on a condo and really don't want to spend $70 for the privilege of working out for 45 minutes per day.

And before you tell me to just bring clothes and run outside - it's an option I'm consider but it's not ideal. I haven't been running this summer because of the heat, and the heat in New Orleans is going to be WORSE than the heat I've been avoiding in DC. So I'm not acclimated. And even if I were, the amount of running I would have to do to maintain my current fitness level (which is pretty damn high, frankly) would be difficult if not impossible to fit in, time-wise, along with conference obligations.

Something SO SIMPLE - finding a place to work out at a hotel - has become difficult, and my disproportionate reaction is a strong clue that I am tolerating - but barely - massive amounts of stress and frustration.

I imagine that some people function like this all the time. I can't imagine that. Feeling like I'm on the edge of a major meltdown is just no fun; if this were my status quo I would definitely be in therapy or on medication - or both.

Sharing Experiences

I think it's fascinating, the human inclincation to share experiences. I was walking home from dinner tonight and there was a ton of heat lightning in the sky - some big flashes and some bolts. After a particularly severe bolt, I look around and there was a girl walking behind me and we both sort of smiled at each other as if to say, "Did you see that?"

If you've ever seen anyone high-five a stranger at a sports game or peer over a crowd to see what people are looking at, you know what I mean. I've done a fair bit of traveling on my own, which has it's advantages, but there's nothing like the feeling of witnessing something amazing/touching/hilarious/weird and saying, "Do you see that?" and getting the affirmation and talking about it with someone.

I think this inclination goes to prove that man really is a social animal; even the most shy and reclusive among us.

Killing Time

Don't you hate it when you have like 30 minutes before you have to leave the house? It's too soon to get ready to go but not enough time to really start reading a book or get involved in a project. So here I sit, obsessively refreshing my email (none new), doing the dishes (took five minutes), putting away laundry (another five minutes) and back to my email again.

In other news, I can feel a major purge coming on. I have some little knick-knacks lying around, random papers and things that have been shoved into drawers, a couple pairs of shoes to get rid of. Moving is hopefully at the end of August but before then I hope to be a lot "lighter" - both in possessions and weight.

In preparation for two upcoming trips, one to New Orleans and one to the United Kingdom, I am trying to slim down so that I can stuff my face with beignets and beer and still fit into my pants when I get home. That effort is going pretty well, but I leave for New Orleans a week from today, so it's crunch time... gotta stay on the train for seven more days.

I have absolutely nothing in my fridge but milk, butter, mayonnaise, pumpkin butter, and a little bit of raspberry syrup - I am very much looking forward to stocking up on healthy veggies, yogurt, greens, eggs, and hummus for the week. For lunch I am going to make my very simple, delicious, and healthy two-bean salad:

One can chickpeas
One can cannellini beans
One large bell pepper (color of your choice)
One bunch scallions
Three large cloves garlic
Juice of one lemon
Salt and pepper to taste

Drain and rinse beans, chop vegetables, mince garlic, and combine all in large pot. Serve as a side dish with half a sandwich or eat as lunch.

Okay... now I have fifteen minutes before I gotta run out the door. Time to get dressed. Thanks for letting me kill some time.

Where have I been?

I light of my upcoming trip to the UK, I thought I would make a list of all the countries I've visited. This does not include airport layovers or passing through on a train; for a country to be included on the list means I've spent intentional time there.

United States
Canada
Ireland
Greece
Germany
Austria
Switzerland
Liechtenstein
Czech Republic
The Netherlands
China
Iceland

In September:
England
Wales
Scotland

Hopefully next year:
Denmark
Sweden

Now you go!

Standing up for Myself

I am very bad at standing up for myself. I'm bad at asking questions when I don't understand things. But I can't afford to take the easy way out with this condo purchase, and today I stood up for myself twice and had very positive results!

Situation #1 - Home Inpsection.

My home inspection is tomorrow. My realtor told me to expect the price to be between $150-180, which is fine. But when I got the invoice, it was $250! And this was after two BS "discounts." The original price was $310. So I emailed my realtor to see if he knew if this price was negotiable. I was really embarassed about doing this, but at this stage every dollar counts. He wrote back and said that everything in life is negotiable He said when the inspector sees the actual square footage tomorrow, the price will be close to $180, and that he has my back. Whoo!

Situation #2 - Good Faith Estimate

My lender advised me to ask the seller to contribute xxxx amount to cover my closing costs. I wrote that into the offer and the seller agreed. Then, when I got an updated estimate, the closing costs were almost $1000 higher - and of course *I* have to pay any closing cost overflow beyond what the seller agreed to. I was pissed! WTF So I sent the estimate to my brother who is a mortgage lender and he told me to ask my lender to reduce the "Loan Origination Fee" by xxxx amount so that the closing costs would equal what the seller agreed to pay. I NEVER would have done this on my own. I asked my lender to reduce the fee feeling confident that he was going to say no or try to tell me that he couldn't do it even though my brother told me he absolutely has the power to reduce the fee.

My lender wrote back almost immediately and told me the fee had been adjusted I'm really annoyed that he jacked up the fee when HE WAS THE ONE who told me what the closing costs would be.

Oh well - two good lessons here, and I'm proud of myself. Plus I had French toast and a milkshake for dinner. So it's been a good day :)

An Unexpected Afternoon to Myself!

I was 50% sure I had plans after work today but they have been postponed, so I have the afternoon and evening to myself! Ah, the luxury.

Here is my plan:

• After work, nap.
• Wake up, lift weights, get sweaty
• Shower and crack open a bottle of wine
• Finish Season One of 30 Rock and maybe start Season Two
• Turn a few more pages of the great novel I'm knee-deep into reading
• Fall asleep early

Doesn't get much better than that :)

Oh Angelina!

Yesterday I went up to Baltimore to take a workshop from my all-time favorite banjo player, Angelina Carberry. She taught a great set of jigs but didn't spill nearly enough information about how she developed her style.

Afterwards, she and her husband Martin Quinn played an intimate little show at the Stony Run Friends Meeting House. Here's a quick shot that I snapped with my phone (I have a fancy new phone and couldn't figure out how to turn off the flash - thanks to Sean McComiskey for admonishing me via text message! Was that really necessary? (Heehee)

I noticed that she holds her banjo a lot differently than I do... with the neck out at a 45-degree angle from her body. I also found out that she uses much heavier strings that I do, but about the same thickness of pick.

Anyway, the result of all this is that I am more inspired to play than I have been in recent months. All I want to do is go home and practice my new set of jigs!

Friday Night Connundrum

Here I am on my usual Friday night - relaxing at home with the cats. Boring, I know. But it's been a long week; a couple of late nights, interrupted sleep, a lot of emotional energy spent on the condo situation. So I need a night to just relax by myself.

I'm in the middle of a great book called The Bell by Iris Murdoch. Murdoch writes beautiful prose and captivating, dramatic stories but they are undoubtedly downers on the topic of relationships. I would, however, love to get a few pages in, the only problem is I'm sure I'll fall asleep if I start reading. Then I'll wake up at 9pm and be awake the rest of the night. Not a great way to start the weekend.

So I'm making some tea and might watch a little television or a movie and go to bed (for the whole night!) on the early side.

Tomorrow afternoon my dear friend Eileen is getting married in northern Maryland. I'll go up for the day but not stay overnight. I'm excited for her because I know that she's excited. Congratulations Eileen and Matt!

I signed the final contract for my condo, so everythig is ratified. The home inspection is Wednesday. Stay tuned...

Condo Update!

I am negotiating an offer on a fantastic condo on Capitol Hill. The building went up in 1800 as a convent and was completely renovated in 2005. It's a block and a half from the US Capitol and sits on an angle, so my unit has a view not only of the dome but also of the Washington Monument. Whoo for the Fourth of July!

It's a block from the metro and has 15-foot ceilings.

I really, really want this to go through. This unit is even better then the previous one I had an offer one (the private entrance/rosebush unit) - and the FHA spot approval that tripped us up last time shouldn't be an issue this time.

Now if only the seller would get back to me about the counter-offer....

Book Splurge!

It has been a while since I've blown a chunk of cash on books, and since Trover's on the Hill is going out of business, I thought I would take advantage of their sale and help them get rid of their inventory.

I got:

Les Miserables (Victor Hugo)
The Psychology of Love - Selected Essays (Sigmund Freud)
Dracula's Guest and Other Weird Stories (Bram Stoker)
Dangerous Liaisons (Choderlos de Laclos)
The Bell (Iris Murdoch)

So much for saving money by going to the library!!

I am keeping my cats up

I can tell they both really want to take a nap. But they have this thing about following me around. The three of us move around my tiny flat in a little pack. They always want to be near me... but right now I am kind of restless. I was watching TV and they were sleeping on the couch, then I went to the other room to work on a crossword and they both came and flopped down on the floor and fell asleep, now I am back in the living room and they are both here with me, trying to sleep on the floor by my feet.

Poor things. Poor, sleep-deprived kitties. Life must be so hard for them.

Minor Annoyances

I have been compiling a list of books I'd like to read, but for some reason I took my library card out of my wallet and haven't put it back. So I haven't been able to get to the library. Gah! I have nothing to read! Well, that's not true but I am bored with everything I have here. I want a novel. A long, engrossing, summertime novel.

My goal is to make sure I hit the library Thursday or Friday so I can read all weekend long.

Update

I guess I owe everyone an update. I have been on leave all week and it is GLORIOUS. I took off for southern Virginia for a few days and revelled in the complete lack of cell phone reception.

I spent all day yesterday on a sailboat, blissfully detached from the outside world.

All four parental or semi-parental units will be passing through town this weekend, which means a couple of free meals and drinks.

I am actually not dreading going back to work on Monday because, well, I like work.

So... all is well.

The Best Laid Plans

I always have plans on payday to make a huge, luxurious, spendy grocery trip, but somehow I freeze up when it comes time to really go nuts.

FOr example, this afternoon I really wanted to go nuts at the store and stock the fridge, freezer, and cupboards with all kinds of staples and goodies that I am usually too frugal to buy.

Well, I came away with this:

Spinach
Goat cheese
Two bottles of wine
Assorted olives
Frozen soybeans

All for a grand total of $30.16

Look out world... Diana's going craaazy!!!! ::sarcasm

Wow

Okay, so it's been a crazy and eventful weekend. I'm thankful for a (mostly) cool head in times of crisis and thankful for the emotional rock of a great friend who keeps me stable.

Did I mention that my Capitol Hill condo fell through? Well, it did. We couldn't get the seller to accept my financing. So, that is sad. But I have a good lead on another condo in Dupont Circle, which would also be a great location for me. I am trying to be patient with the process.

I have also been thinking a lot about the concept of "loving" a condo. You hear people talk this way when buying real estate. They'll say, "Don't buy a place unless you love it." Well.. does anyone really "fall in love" with a studio condo?

I am looking to invest my money in a small home in a fabulous urban neigborhood. But I don't necessarily expect to walk into a property and think it's my dream home. My dream home is not a studio or even a one-bedroom condo. But those are the homes that are available to me because I have made the conscious choice to live in the city, and in popular city neighborhoods.

So, I am slowly letting go of the idea of looking for a condo that I love and am focusing more on finding a good living space in a neighborhood that I love. That seems to make more sense to me.

Well, I'm off tonight to my first barbecue of the summer! Yay beer! And then I just have four days of work until I am off for a week - well, ten days if you consider both weekends and the July 3rd holiday. I can't believe how badly I need the break.

Condo fell through but my arms are getting hard!

So, my beloved Hill condo fell through. We don't have any more avenues to pursue it, so we withdrew our offer. Very sad, as the place had two features I am unlikely to find anywhere else: a private entrance, and private outdoor space.

I do, however, have a lead on a Dupont condo that is:

*bigger
*cheaper
*two blocks from my office

So, we will see.

In other news, my arms are getting ROCK. HARD. from all these kettlebell drills. I love it!

I don't think it looks ugly

Dramatic maybe, but not ugly.

Fuck 'em.

Condo Update

I just wrote a post about my condo but blogger had a publishing error. I'm not going to retype it. I don't have the energy. Instead, I'm going to bed.

Sorry.

Stuck

I should work out but I don't really feel like it.

I should go to the grocery store but I don't really feel like it.

I should write the second part of my journal article but I don't really feel like it.

TV is boring me.

The internet is boring me.

I darkened the color of my hair and it looks ugly.

I am sad. For no apparent reason. :-(

Great Run

I squeezed in a run between massive thunderstorms today and was richly rewarded for my risk! I took a longer and more strenuous route than I had intended, but it paid off. Winding through the park, I saw a beautiful deer, munching on some grass about two feet off the trail. I didn't see her until I was almost past her, but she saw me - just looked and calmly turned her head to watch me go by.

I ventured off the paved trail to follow a hilly and rocky off-shoot called the Western Ridge Trail, which ended at Pierce Mill Park, where I was headed. No running there - it was hands-and-knees climbing up the ravine wall for the most part! But the further I got into the woods, the less I could hear the cars. Really, I could have been in the Shenandoahs for all I knew... it was so quite and serene back there.

I took the long way up the huge hills leading back up to Connecticut Ave, exploring the embassy-lined side streets behind the Levine School of Music.

By the time I got home my legs were shaking but solid, like long, slender tree trunks. I was perfectly spent and ready to be productive, which I have been this evening, attempting to turn a conference presentation into a somewhat-compelling journal article. Wish me luck.

We Lost

After a long and noble playoff session, the Red Wings' hopes for a repeat of the Stanley Cup victory last year are officially over. It was a great matchup and both teams faced formidable opponents in each other. I'm proud of my team and am looking forward to a new season in October.

Part of me is thankful for the end of the season. Playoffs make me miserable. I'm miserable when we're winning and miserable when we're losing. I get anxious. I drink. I get grumpy. Being a true fan is emotionally draining.

Plus, now I can revolt against RCN's completely unconscionable rate hike and cancel my cable. I plan to use hulu.com and Netflix Instant for my TV viewing. All I need is an antenna to make sure I can get the local channels for news. That is first on my list of things to take care of next week.

Rethinking Yoga

I have not been attending yoga classes lately. There are several reasons for this, and for a while I was struggling with it, but suddenly I feel at peace.

My methods of achieving health and fitness have been shifting lately. Last year I was running a lot and eating a highly-structured, robotic diet. I felt okay, but it was punishing, complex, and not very much fun. Over the past few months, however, I have begun to let running go by the wayside in preparation for taking the summer off. I've been lifting weights and eating a much lighter yet more relaxed diet.

My yoga practice was at it's peak during my times of running, but it wasn't really serving a purpose. I wasn't improving. I wasn't having fun. The system of Ashtanga is not the right system for my body type, but I had developed a history with the studio, it was conveniently located, and I was in the habit of attending classes there.

I have realized, however, that my main reasons for attending the studio involved my instructors. I like my instructors a lot. I want their approval; I want them to view me as a dedicated, focused student. And so for a while there I was attending practice mostly so I wouldn't be seen as a slacker.

But, yoga is not cheap. And because I'm trying to buy a condo, I've been trimming costs where I can, and the savings are adding up. I've also realized that I need to stop caring so much about how others view me. My dedication to yoga is not seen through how many classes I attend per week. And if I have instructors who see it that way, well, they're the ones missing the point.

I feel healthy and strong and happy with the decisions that I've made. Yoga IS for me. I feel great when I'm doing it and it's had a tremendous influence on my life and my health - spiritual and physical. The system of Ashtanga specifically, maybe not so much, but that's a minor detail.

Once I move and get settled, I'd like to find another studio, local to my new home, and begin formal practice again. In the mean time, I practice at home in a way that enhances my life. Because my life is mine, and the beauty is that no one but me has to live with my decisions.

Random Observations

In the metro this morning, a young boy wearing a yarmulke speaking Hebrew with his mom. His mom pulled out a diet pepsi and began drinking it. Then the boy pulled out a bottle of water and began drinking it. Then he pulled out a bottle of chocolate milk, drank some, and offered it to his mom, who drank some. How many beverages do two people need to take the train in DC?

I finally got around to changing my cats' litter this evening. They must have been desperate, because Natasha went to pee and Elena tried to crawl in there with her. That was a scramble of yowls and claws and litter going everywhere. Good times.

My knee randomly hurts for no reason. It could be that I had poor squat form yesterday while doing weighted kettlebell squats because I was fatigued from running.

Holding Pattern

I am in a holding pattern. My condo purchase is in a holding pattern, my social life is in a holding pattern. And it's okay.

I am digging a slower pace of life lately. The condo search is stressful and emotional and right now I don't know if I'll get the one I love (isn't that the story of life?) and I won't know anything until June 24th. So I wait.

I have been exhausted lately but after a rejuvenating trip to Michigan feel much better. Taking control of my social life has helped. This week I'm pretty much staying in except for a session in Virginia on Wednesday night. Other than that I'm holing up for the hockey playoffs and focusing on my health.

Weight lifting has treated me well. My body is getting stronger.

Gratuitous photo: kayaking on Walnut Lake with my mom over Memorial Day weekend.

I can't wait for playoffs to be over

Because they make me miserable. I have eight strokes per game. GAH. Just get it over with, people!

Also, I want to cancel my cable. RCN raised my bill by about $20/month because of new charges, and that is just the "promotional rate." What with hulu.com and all the isntant-watch options on Netflix, there is really no reason to subscribe to cable anymore. I'll be taking care of that as soon as the Wings win the Cup (again).

Mint

You could say that I dig being organized. It's one of my hobbies. I probably share this quality with other high-performing, perfectionistic, uber-controlled over-achievers. Well, lately I have really been digging mint.com in that it adds a new level of neurosis to my finances.

Mint.com is free and safe. It basically coordinates all of your savings, checking, credit, loan, and investment accounts and provides myriad ways to graph, categorize, and track your spending.

I recently signed up and am hooked. I can panic over how my recent, decadent meal at Wolfgang Puck's Source restaurant put my "food and dining" spending over the top while still feeling smug that I spend about one-fifth on food and dining that other people in Washington, DC do.

Yep, I can compare my spending, by category, to others in my demographic (or at least in my geographic sphere).

It's fun! And as someone who (hopefully) will be paying a mortgage soon, I think it's worth the extra level of detail. That, and I never miss an opportunity to over-analyze any and every aspect of my life.

Weekend in Michigan

It has been a great weekend! The weather has been absolutely perfect - sunny and cool. We went bike riding (14 miles!), kayaking (my poor abs are sore), we watched the Wings massacre the Blackhawks 6-1, we drank prosecco and ate home-grilled burgers on the patio, we drank martinis on the Clinton River. I napped, slept in, and went to bed early.

This morning we're going to run the West Bloomfield Nature Trail before heading to the airport, where I'll be home early enough to have a very leisurely evening.

Updates

I finally managed to secure a night to myself and it feels great. I've worked out hard, gotten a few things organized, caught up on The Sopranos, did laundry, and am just generally laying low. Tomorrow night I have plans to have dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Source restaurant in the Newseum, which should be amazing! I think I'l dress up :)

The condo situation is moving ahead. Since finding the place that I LOVE we have been jumping through a few bureaucratic hoops but it looks like things will work out. I have the counter-offer, which is acceptable to me (we offered in such a way that allowed room for a counter-offer) and I will hopefully be signing that in the next few days. Then we can move ahead with all the inspections, reviewing the condo association rules, etc.

If this comes through I will be terribly excited except for one thing. I. Hate. Moving. I hate packing all my shit and moving all my shit. It makes me feel like I have SO MUCH CRAP. And even though I am going to get rid of a few things before I move, I know I'll still feel anxious about the sheer amount of possessions I've accumulated in my life.

Oh well. It will be a necessary evil to endure to have a home of my own.

Fatigue

Lately I have been exhausted and it's really frustrating and I don't know why.

I am taking two-hour naps after work. Skipping workouts. Struggling to stay awake at my desk.

I'm not staying up terribly late, I'm eating well. Not working out as much (see above).

It's not just tiredness, either. It's the kind of exhaustion where if you sit still you can actually feel your body trying to repair itself the way it would when you sleep.

I'm very frustrated. I want to work out and run and swing kettlebells. I want to have time and energy for my family and friends.

I noticed today that I have three magazines on the coffee table that I haven't read. That is really unusual for me - I love my magazine subscriptions and ordinarily read them all immediately after they arrive.

Maybe I have been more busy than I think. I don't know. I can't really remember what I've done this week.

Eggs

Faithful readers of IaJtbH will know that I am very particular about the way I cook eggs. I have studied and practiced different techniques with great success. Well, on Monday night a Baltimorean friend of mine told me about a delicious fried egg he was served at a friend's house in Manhattan. A poach/fry combination; I was intrigued. Seeing as it's pretty bare-bones in my kitchen right now, I decided to scrape together two eggs, a whole wheat pita, and some parmesan cheese and give it a shot.

I buttered a small skillet and, while it was heating, split a pita and put it under the broiler to toast. I cracked two eggs into the skillet, poured in just enough water to sort of float the eggs, and covered them. They cooked for about 2 minutes maybe (on very low heat - no flipping involved) while my pita turned a perfect golden brown. I could tell the eggs were done when the yolks had a cooked film over them. I salted the pita, slid the eggs onto one half, grated the cheese over the eggs to melt, put the top on my sandwich, and dove in.

PERFECTION. The whites were cooked through, soft but done, with absolutely no trace of the gross brown crust that can develop along the edges. The yolks were soft on the first bite but carryover cooking finished them off as I was eating. (I prefer slightly hard yolks just for neatness sake.)

A poached/fried egg sandwich on toasted whole wheat pita with parmesan cheese. Breakfast for dinner. Doesn't get any better than that.

Goals for the Week

I've been eating well lately and I feel good, but a bit flabby. Also, I have a 5k coming up this Saturday, and my scheduled time off from running has been going really well... sooo... this week I need to re-think some things and make some very specific goals for myself.

1. Run three times. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Three miles each time, no matter the weather or how I feel. The race is for a good cause and I'm not looking for time, I just want to finish and feel good.

2. Yoga twice. Tuesday and Friday.

3. Weight on running days. Kettlebell and free weights.

4. Eat carefully. I'm not going to strive for 100% clean eating because that sort of thinking always backfires for me. One mistake and I've failed to meet the goal - after which I say "to hell with it" and start shoveling junk down my throat. Rather, I'll strive for 100% clean eating at meals and one small junky snack per day. That could be a muffin in the morning, a hot chocolate, an ice cream sandwich. Something small. And only one per day. That way, I don't undo all my progress and don't feel deprived.

Incorporating sweets into my diet helps me stay on track. When things are forbidden I suddenly want them. When they're allowed, they lose their luster and I can take them or leave them.

Anxious

I took a nap after work today so I would have a better chance of staying up to watch the 10:30pm hockey game, and when I woke up I felt anxious, irritated, and sad. I haven't been able to shake those feelings.

My work computer got all messed up after I took it in for the IT guy to do some work. He fixed one thing but now the computer won't recognize the wireless device, so I'm back to using the crappy PC that I am about ready to donate. I need that laptop to be able to connect to the internet so I can work from home. Hopefully it can get fixed tomorrow.

The Red Wings aren't doing very well in this playoff round, and that stresses me out.

I've been staying up half the night watching the games, going to sleep and waking up disappointed, running all over town looking at condos and sitting for cats, not getting enough sleep or downtown and my mind is spinning a million miles a minute.

I have full plans most weekends in May which is stressing me out because I am a person that requires a lot of unstructured time in order to be at my best, and usually that time comes on the weekends.

I put an offer on a condo today and am stressed out that it will be accepted, I'm stressed out that it won't be accepted.

I'm stressed out in general.

A New Leaf

So I've been thinking a lot about my fitness and nutrition and I think that taking the summer off of running really means that I am evolving in terms of how I see exercise and food and my own health.

I've been hanging out over at Skwigg's blog and this post really spoke to me. I hear a lot about intuitive eating and it's usually embedded with touchy feely new-agey innuendo that I only roll my eyes at. But lately I've been giving it a shot in some really practical ways, and I've found myself proud.

What it boils down to for me is just slowing down and trying to think of what I really need when I go to eat something. Yes - sometimes I WANT chocolate, or ice cream, or a slice of bread pudding that someone brought into the office today (heh), and that's fine. Wanting to eat something for the sake of wanting to taste it is valid. I'm not going to over-analyze it. But when it's really obvious like I'm bored, or I'm lonely, or I'm stressed - then I'm definitely going to acknowledge that and come up with an alternate means of meeting that need, such as going for a walk during the day, taking a nap, making a hot cup of tea, or calling a friend.

So far my new kettlebell routine along with this new way of handling my diet has been great for me. Someone brought me chocolate today and whereas before I would have eaten the whole thing for fear that it would be wasted, I broke off one square and enjoyed it - after getting a few other things done first. The chocolate is not my master. It's not going anywhere. And I enjoyed it a lot more because I wasn't left with massive feelings of guilt and anxiety and trying to calculate what I'd have to do to burn the calories I just ingested.

Food is a lot more fun when it's for pleasure and fuel and not stress. Always a work in progress though - for me at least.

But I am learning to eat and enjoy everything without micro-managing my food intake.

Whew

So I posted a whole rant about the condo search and it got erased by some weird blogger glitch.

GRR.

I don't feel like recreating it. All I want to do is go home and crawl into bed and wait for the hockey game to come on.

Whew

Okay - I was able to restore my lost post:

"Looking at condos is hard work, emotionally. It is hard to walk into a place and try to imagine what your life might be like living there. To look at every inch of a place and list pros and cons and try to anticipate what you can and can't tolerate, what might come up when you sell down the line, how to make something work for you that isn't perfect, wonder if you're rationalizing, caution yourself against hurrying, resist the urge to pass because you're SURE something a LITTLE better is right around the corner.

At some point you have to CTFU and make the best decision you can with the inventory and funds that are available.

I saw a beautiful condo yesterday and then stayed up half the night worrying about stupid details and wondering how I could arrange my furniture.

Now I am exhausted and still have a few more hours left on my tour. All I want to do is go home, open the window, and crawl into bed for a nap."

Now that I've napped and eaten, I feel better. To respond to Lorna, I actually prefer to walk into a building and HATE the condo. That is easy! It's when I'm lukewarm that I second guess myself.

Second Wave

Part two of the condo search begins tomorrow. I am seeing two great places - one on the Hill that is an amazing location and in my price range, but a little small, and one in Dupont that is a bit bigger but out of my price range. I would need the seller to come down A LOT (like, 20%) in order to afford this place, but I figure I'll look at it anyway.

So, wish me luck. For now, I'm inside on a rainy afternoon with a cat sleeping on my feet, so for the moment things couldn't be better.

This is Hard

The condo search continues. I am doing the second wave of viewings this Thursday. So far, I have found a great 1-bedroom condo that is very, very reasonably priced, and it's right around the corner from my office. The problem is that it's very far from the metro - over a mile to the safer one, less than a mile to a different metro but that would not be a safe walk at night. Also, there has been a lot of shooting about two blocks to the east.

I'm also looking at a studio condo in Dupont that is smaller and more expensive but a great location, and hoping to look at a smaller condo on the Hill that is, as I said, small but in a neighborhood I absolutely love.

I think at the end of the day that I would prefer to have less space if it means a great neighborhood. And since I don't have a car, I need to feel absolutely comfortable walking to the metro at night. I don't want to feel like a prisoner in my home, that's not cool.

But, I'd have a bedroom. I've never had a bedroom in my whole adult life!

Sigh... lots of decisions... lots of things to weigh.

Boring Post

I don't have much to say but I feel like I should write something or else my readers will become bored with me!

The condo in Cleveland Park I was interested in fell through due to some disclosure by the listing agent. The next wave of property viewings begins on Thursday. I have m eye on three great studios... so... we'll see how that goes.

I have a laptop! Now I can blog and twit and email without ever leaving the couch. How, oh how did I previously manage to walk three steps over to my desk every time I wanted to use the computer? Glad I don't have to do THAT anymore.

My body is still happier not running. I'm more flexible, leaner, and the calluses on my feet have completely healed themselves. I am greatly looking forward to the hot summer months now that I know I won't have to run through them.

I got accepted to speak at a conference in New Orleans in August! Yes it will be hotter than Hades, but I've never been to NO and it boggles my mind that I am going to be flown down, put up, and given a per diem to speak for twenty minutes.

The Wings swept Round One of the playoffs and we're taking a little break while Chicago and Calgary finish their matchup. Looks like we'll be playing Chicago which is a little alarming... they're a very physical team, and we're a very old team. We'll have to out-finesse them and make sure we stay healthy and whole.

That's it! I'm just doing laundry this morning and about to hit the kettlebells. More later!

Eye Candy

I'm in the mood for some hotness.

Curtis Stone


Tony Leung


Franke Potente


Gabriel Byrne


Nicole Linkletter


Zhang Ziyi

Happy Body

Finally - a beautiful DC spring day! After a rainy start to the week it was gorgeous today, gorgeous enough to go for a nice long run on Roosevelt Island. Not sure where my cardio endurance went (well, I do know where it went... ) so the distance was a bit of a struggle, but it was difficult to care because the sun was shining and the birds were singing!

In just about thirty minutes, the Red Wings will kick off their bid for the Stanley Cup against the Columbus Blue Jackets. I will be glued to the set.

Oh right - my happy body - well, I don't know! Weight training and a break from running have been treating me well. The ugly and painful calluses on my feet have all but disappeared. My upper body is becoming more strong and toned. My yoga practice is happier. I'm less stressed.

I saw my first condo today. A great price and fantastic location, but in shambled, and bank-owned so was being sold as-is. And while I certainly don't need a brand-new or renovated place, I do need something in move-in condition, and this wasn't it. Oh well. There are plenty more places to be seen, and I'm just excited to have the process begun!

Random Stuff

1. I now have a laptop. And wireless internet. Now there is no reason to ever get off my couch except to grab additional handfuls of peanut m&ms from the freezer.

2. The condo search is kicking off into full gear. I have meetings with realtors tomorrow and Thursday, after which I'll choose one and start looking.

3. My body is happy. A little less running, a little more weight-lifting, a better diet, and things are looking good. The blisters have come off my feet, I'm more flexible, I don't constantly battle hunger during the workday, and my arms are becoming more defined.

4. The Red Wings have entered Stanley Cup playoffs. We kick off round one against the Columbus Blue Jackets this Thursday. LET'S GO RED WINGS (clap clap clapclapclap).

5. I have Thursday off! It's DC Emancipation Day - the day that President Lincoln freed the slaves in DC. It's been a local government federal holiday for a couple years now. I think it's weird, but I'm not complaining.

BIG NEWS

No, I do not have cancer. Sorry to disappoint you, Matt.

The news is (drumroll please) - I have decided to enter the real estate market. I am officially looking for a condo.

I have consultations with two realtors this week, after which I will make a choice and start looking.

I'm already having multiple anxiety attacks not unlike what I imagine labor contractions to feel like. But I am excited. I'm ready, in all ways. Now I just have to endure the process, which is sure to be overwhelming, but totally worth it in the end.

New Food Regimen

So this is how it usually goes for me:

Breakfast at home a little before 6am. By 8:30-9am I am starving. I eat a snack which holds me over until about 11:30am, at which point I eat lunch. Then, for the remainder of my work day, I am pretty hungry and will end up either going across to the cafe for a snack ($$$) or giving in and using the vending machine (gross).

I have tried all kinds of snacks and bringing tons of food to work for afternoon pick-me-ups but just can't seem to get past the feeling of constantly being hungry at work. I end up spending too much money or eating too much junk.

I have decided to try something different. Today I brought oatmeal, raisins, milk, and tea to work along with a mug, bowl, and spoon. I will start eating breakfast (oatmeal) at work around 7:30-8am. Hopefully this will push lunch back a bit and leave me full for the afternoon so I am not either scrounging for something unhealthy or stuffing my face as soon as I get home.

Today I tried it for the first time. I did eat a little bit of yogurt with almonds at home a little before 6am, then made some oatmeal around 9am. It is now a little after noon and I am still satisfied from my oatmeal and not yet hungry for lunch. Also, now I can make tea at my desk and not spend money at Starbucks!*

*I will probably still make one morning run to Starbucks for my tea, but that is as much to get out of the office and get some fresh air as it is for the warm beverage.

Books Galore

Well, halfway through the day today my computer decided to stop working, so I took a walk through Adams Morgan to Idle Time and proceeded to drop $65 on used books!

From the psychology section:
The Therapist's Handbook: Treatment Methods of Mental Disorders
Masturbation: From Infancy to Senescence

From the philosophy section:
The Basic Works of Aristotle

From the religion section:
A Vow of Conversation: Merton's Journals from 1964-1965
The True Solitude

Good day... plus, by the time I got back my systems had come back online, so I was able to finish the day productively, get home to my Pilates workout, and blog a bit. Now I'm going to get a snack and look at my new (old) books!

Confession

I am a lump. Nothing but a big lump.

I got cocky after switching to the 5k and went out last night and stayed out too late and drank too much wine and didn't even make it to the start of the race.

Sigh....

Oh well - I am doing my kettlebells and pilates and yoga and going out for a run tomorrow. So maybe not a TOTAL lump...

COMPROMISE

Okay people, I figured it out. I am going to follow in Matt's footsteps and drop from the Cherry Blossom 10-Mile race down to the 5k.

That way, I still accomplish something, I'm not totally lazy, and yet I'm not pushing myself beyong my current physical capabilities.

This afternoon will mark the first of my pilates workouts. I'm going to give pilates and yoga (and the occasional weekend run) eight weeks and see what happens. Maybe I'll even make an attempt at chronicling my progress....

Sick and dying

I have never had such a drop-down knock-out cold. I took two days off of work! I can't remember if I've ever taken TWO sick days in a row.

Good god. I think I'm about ready to rejoin the world of the living. As for my 10-mile race? The fates have conspired against me. I might be ready to hang up my running shoes for the summer. Or maybe not. Should I summon some race-day mojo and just go for it? Not sure yet.

Bruised and Bloody

I still have a needle track in the form of a big ugly bruise on my arm from where I had blood drawn over a week ago. I seriously look like an addict, or a domestic violence victim.

And then, a second ago, I ripped the back of my hand sitting down at my desk. Yes, people, I bloodied myself SITTING DOWN. Is this what my life has come to?

Pressing On

Don't get me wrong - I was happy enough to sleep in last Saturday, wake up at a leisurely hour, and watch the National Marathon finishers while drinking my second cup of tea! This little break from self-punishment has done me well. The problem is that I have a 10-miler coming up in two weeks and I am probably going to be undertrained!

My current attitude is Oh Well. I'll finish, and probably easily. Will I have the best time? No. Will I have MY best time? Nah. Do I really, really care? In the grand scheme of things? Not in the slightest.

In fact, I'm seriously thinking of taking the hottest summer months off from running and focusing on weights, pilates, and yoga. I mean, why the hell not?

Feeling Good

The Wings have clinched their playoff spot and continue to dominate the League with a 3-2 win over Philadelphia last night, after being down two in the second period.

I've run three days in a row and had two great yoga practices as well.

I'm eating well - mostly clean, a few Cadbury eggs, but the main thing is I'm not sweating it!

The gorgeous afternoon sun haloed all the dust particles on my coffee table, so I whipped out the supplies and cleaned my entire apartment. I feel light and clean and airy.

I feel good.

Back in the Saddle... sort of

Lately I have not felt like doing anything productive. All I want to do is lounge around and read my book, watch movies, cook, go on walks. Running? Happy Hour? Eh.. I'll pass.

I was afraid this might happen. Is it as simple as inertia? Is is that my body, now at rest, wants to stay at rest?

When I'm in high training mode my life is a model of productivity. My flat is clean and tidy, I'm a machine at work, evenings are overscheduled and yet I'm early for everything. But now that I've stepped back from racing, I've become a total Type B. I don't want to be anywhere at a particular time. I skipped yoga this morning not because I didn't want to practice but because I didn't want to practice at 10:30. I just wasn't ready. I don't want to look at the clock or make any firm commitments.

See? This is why I'm always going 100mph... because if I slow down I'm afraid I'll settle in at zero.

Just One More Day Please!

I have had a nice little break from my running and yoga routine. Both Wednesday and Thursday after work I got in bed instead of suiting up and hitting the pavement. On Wednesday for the first time I can remember I took a two-hour nap. Thursday I didn't sleep but got a lot of reading done and stayed cozy under the covers with the windows thrown open and the cool air coming in.

And today... I just want one more day to go home and get in comfy clothes and chill out. So I am going to skip my usual Friday afternoon yoga class. Tomorrow I'll pick it up again with a relaxing run, Sunday back to yoga, and I'll get back on the (slower moving) wagon. I do have a fun run coming up in a few weeks, after all! But just for fun.

I have a new love

Pandora.com

OMG. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Basically, you just type in the name of a song or artist that you like and it will compile a playlist for you with similar songs/bands. And it's free. I typed in "Liz Carroll" and am listening to the most awesome mix of Irish and bluegrass music... stuff I've never heard before.

SWEET!

Reining in my freak

Lately I have been acting like (more of) a control freak (than usual). It is annoying me and I'm sure it's annoying my friends. So, my rememdy is to go home after work and open all the windows and pile lots of blankets over myself and take a nice long nap without setting my alarm clock. Wake up, do some yoga, and commence the annual spring purge... cleaning out closets and cupboards always brings me the sense of control I crave without having to take it out on other people. Trip to Goodwill is scheduled for Saturday.

Dream

I dreamt that I was attending a funeral, but the way we walked into the church was the way you'd walk as if you were in a wedding. Then it was all outside, and I was in the front row of the outside church and even though it was daytime I could see two moons that were full. They were beautiful, but the earth was orbiting so fast that I couldn't get a good photo of them.

Okaaay...

On the metro this evening were two couples and another man, all middle aged. At first they were talking a little bit of business and then the man started raving on about this restaurant they were all going to. He was saying how amazing the food was, how much everyone was going to love it... how he ALWAYS eats at this place whenever he's in town.

Okay, said one of the others, what's it called?

Oh I don't know, the man replied flippantly. But I love it.

Nice Day

It's gorgeous outside! Sunny and warm but dry. Perfect for a walk down to Cleveland Park to meet Matt for an iced vanilla chai and catch-up conversation. Then later I'm going to meet another friend down at Eastern Market to wander around, pick up some things for dinner, and watch The Sopranos. Yes, I'm wayyy behind on this one... just starting Season One, but I'm hooked :-)

Oh, in between those two things I will go for a nice leisurely run with absolutely no pressure to meet mileage or pace goals. Just a relaxing run in the sunshine to improve my health and mood. I can't wait for it!

Feelin' Good

Ahh... just woke up from a nap and found myself surrounded by cats and bathed in the sun. Life is good. I'm going to have a very mellow night... a yoga practice here at home, some wine, a movie (Violette - will post review afterwards), my book, and an early bedtime.

I feel really good about my decision to drop out of the National Half-Marathon. In fact, I am looking forward to my run tomorrow afternoon with no pressure to run fast or meet mileage goals. Running is something I started doing to feel better about myself. I want it to be a source of confidence, strength, and solitude, not masochism and stress.

Let's hear it for being healthy..

Done

That's it. I've hit the wall in my personal life. I am tired of moving full throttle at every single thing I want to do. Nothing is fun anymore. I have no residual energy. I'm tired.

I have decided not to run the National Half-Marathon. I have decided to continue with the plan to run the Cherry Blossom 10-Miler.

I am not only at peace with my decision, the decision comes as an enormous relief.

That is all.

Why Is It That

1. I can be wearing a size four pant;
2. My boss can say I look skinny lately;
3. All my male co-workers notice and LOVE my new haircut;
4. A good male friend can tell me I look especially hot;
5. My dentist can say I look fabulous and what have I been doing to myself;

... and STILL it's possible to feel squishy and large and lazy.

I seriously hate being a chick sometimes!

Back from Santa Fe

Santa Fe was great... a nice long week of reading, siestas, hiking in the canyons, skiing in the Rockies, ceviche, enchiladas, and beer.

I'm thankful to get back to my routine (I AM, after all, a creature of habit) and starting to get anxious about my half-marathon coming up on the 21st. I had a 9-mile run schedule for Saturday, but being the day after a vacation, I ran six miles and was going to head out for the longer distance today. Unfortunately, we had a massive snowfall last night and the sidewalks are covered with ice.

So, my plan is to do a bunch of Sun Salutations today (check), run easy (4-5 miles) tomorrow, try for nine on Wednesday, off Thursday, yoga Friday, ten miles Saturday, and then I will be back on track.

Flexibility is key. After this weekend I will only have one more weekend before the big 13.1....

Miscellany x3

- Today on my way home from work two different people on my metro car ran into people they knew. That kind of thing is so coincidental and yet so DC. It's like a big small town. I run into people I know all the time!

- I thought I was scheduled to run 4-5 miles today but then realized that my training log called for 7 miles. After running nine on Saturday and seven on Monday I was dismayed and almost turned in where I would close the loop for my regular 4.5mile course, but then I got my mojo back and decided to keep going. As I was struggling to run up a tough hill approaching the zoo, a man passed me coming the other way, walking, and said, "That run is doing what it should, my lady, because you look GOOD." Whoo! I pounded up that hill and finished grinning in 1:15:07.

- I have applied to speak at two conference coming up this spring and summer. One in New Orleans and one in London. Have absolutely no idea what my acceptance chances are. Wish me luck.

On Health

As I walked home from the yoga shala this evening I started contemplating health and my attitude towards my own health. It is, I feel, a slightly skewed and counter-productive attitude at times.

When I think of my health objectively, I realize that I should be pleased. I'm rarely, if ever, sick. I get maybe one cold per year (knock on wood!) and can count on one hand the number of headaches I suffer from per year. I rarely have physical pre-menstrual symptoms (though I can get a little teary during that time of the month). I can run 10+ miles at a time without stopping and regularly practice a very tough form of yoga. I don't have a car and walk everywhere in the city. A 2-mile walk during lunch at work or a similar length haul from the metro is like nothing to me.

I haven't known my weight in years but at last check I was hovering around 135lbs, which is perfect for my 5'7'' frame. I wear a size six pant and a small on top. My skin is clear, my nails don't break. I drink plenty of water. I get plenty of sleep and have no problem waking up before 6am daily for my fast-paced and, at times, stressful job. I eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, and protein but don't deny myself the occasional treat.

So why don't I EVER feel healthy? Why do I feel that any pinchable bit of flab is a health failure? Why does my internal monologue run so negatively? Why do I feel like being "healthy" is a dream to which I can only aspire and never attain?

Partly, I admit that I don't see physical health as a lifelong journey. I see it as something that is accomplished in it's entirely and then maintained. So I get frustrated that I can't attain this magical place of health and instead I feel like a gerbil on a wheel, chasing and chasing and going nowhere. This attitude makes the pursuit of health very un-fun.

It's difficult to celebrate the battle victories (a mileage record, a new yoga posture added, a healthy meal instead of a burger at happy hour) because I haven't won the war.

It's tiring, living this way inside my own mind.

Dilemma

I am so fortunate to work in the middle of two great neighborhoods. I'm a few blocks from Little Ethiopia and a few blocks from Adams Morgan. Great restaurants and cafes, great people watching... just... great!

There is a new shawarma place on 18th St that I am dying to try (mm.. shawarma... reminds me of waiting in a massive line to get some from the street vendor in Vienna at 2am after coming back from a night on the town with my new - and brief - friends, Raimund and Elisbet) except that there used to be a gourmet hot dog place (triple vomit) in that storefront.

I am afraid of residual hot dog particles contaminating my shawarma. Somehow I think that my phobia has reached new heights...

Travel Bug Hits Again

Last night I dreamt that I had taken an exotic vacation to Eastern Europe. My travel in that part of the country is thus far limited to one city - Prague - but I obviously can't wait to go back.

In this dream, I flew to Lithuania and then took a quick train ride to two North African cities (Marrakesh was one... can't remember the other) and returned to Lithuania to await my friends.

Man... I wanna GO somewhere.

Nothing in Particular

I ran in bare legs for the first time since fall! My pasty white legs, but bare nonetheless. Having no in-between running clothes suitable for balmy winter days like this, I dusted off my running skirt, threw on a long-sleeved top, and hit the pavement. My times have been great lately. Here's a sample of my times for my "normal" (that is, base-building) 4.5-mile hilly route around my neighborhood:

January 9 - 47:50
January 15 - 46:04
January 17 - 44:48
January 22 - 44:44
January 30 - 45:16
February 2 - 43:33
February 9 - 43:59

I am happy with those times. They include stopping at traffic lights (should I stop my watch? I never do) and maybe an occasion 5-10 seconds here or there if I'm nursing a cramp.

Later this week I will start the actual mileage-building portion of my half-marathon training.

Slowing Down

With training season in full swing I find my life starting to move too fast. Too many weeks with obligations every night, too little time to just read or work on my own projects. I haven't been sleeping well, haven't been cooking for myself, haven't been enjoying the present because of being anxious about/worried for/hurrying to get to the next thing.

Starting NOW I am making a concerted effort to slow my life down. That includes taking breaks from certain regular commitments and just saying no to invitations that I feel obligated, but don't necessarily want, to accept.

I've made it this far through the winter without catching a single cold, and I don't want something like that, borne from fatigue or malnurishment, to derail my upcoming race. I need to try to take care of myself for a while.

Not Helpful

I realize that you might be alarmed to see me speed up when approaching an intersection where the light is about to turn red, but DC has these wonderful countdown signals that tells you how many seconds you have left to cross the street. So, yelling "Watch it! Watch it!" at me as I try to cross makes me hesitate and then I end up standing still in the middle of the intersection as the light turns green. That's really not preferable. So, next time, please just let me run. I know what I'm doing.

For the record, I just ran a personal best training run: 4.45 miles in 44:33 which includes about a minute of waiting a stop lights. That's a full minute and ten seconds faster than my previous best time on this course!

PUMPED

Tomorrow is the Wings/Caps game here in DC and I cannot be more excited. The Wings only play in DC once every other year or so. I got my ticket last October as soon as the schedule was posted - and I dropped a pretty big chunk of change on a great seat.

The Bruins softened up the Caps' star player for us with a brutal hit into the boards, but I'm pretty pissed about that, actually. We like to crush teams when they're at their best, not when they're already on their knees. Victory is so much sweeter when it's against a prepared opponent.

Tonight after work I will be picking up the materials for my sign. I'm going to meet a friend at the rink early and will try to take some photos of practice and what's sure to be a romantic and memorable marriage proposal from the Wings' captain, Nik Lidstrom. Next blog post might be from my new home in Sweden!

What I'm Eating

I have been craving nothing but fat lately. And so my usual modified Precision Nutrition diet has been replaced by a sort of freestyle Mediterranean diet. Currently I am sitting at my computer with a bowl of Greek yogurt topped with almonds and blueberries. Later I will feast on all manner of olives, roasted peppers, roasted garlic (whatev, I'm alone tonight), sundried tomatoes, red wine, more nuts, and cheese.

I did stop short of buying desserts at the store today, though. Fat is what I need, not sugar.

Eat what your body is craving, that's what I say - just as long as it's a genuine nutritional NEED and not a whimsical WANT (at least most of the time!).

If you'll excuse me... I need to go put together a platter of snacks and settle down with my book to watch the rain.

Why didn't I do this sooner??

Today I had my hair cut. DRASTICALLY. It is SHORT. I have always loved my long curls but lately they have been looking shaggy no matter what I try, so I opted for health over length and love the results.

My hair barely touches my shoulders now but it is bouncy and so cute! The curls look totally different than they did long - real ringlets now. I love it! I also took the shade a little darker and am happy with the results.

How much you wanna bet that everyone at work will think I'm either in love or recently broken up? Hehehe. Whatever they think, I don't care. I love my new look.

Semi-Annual Cable Dilemma

Once again I am considering cancelling cable. It's a demon I fight, a total time-suck. I have no problem with TV watching. I think watching the news is a responsible thing, and even a little escapism can be healthy. But I have a real problem with channel-surfing a mindless staring... so I am starting to think that a little hiatus would be healthy.

But the thing is - that really doesn't solve anything. Like... you can't be proud of yourself for avoiding chocolate cake when you never have any in the house. So instead of cancelling cable, I think I am going to keep it but try something revoluationary such as exerting some control over the situation.

Plus, NHL playoffs are coming up and while I do get an old-school satisfaction from listening to games on the radio, I don't want to be even remotely divorced from the action and, eventually, the sweet, sweet victory.

Cute Story

On Monday, the day before the Inauguration, I was running my hilliest route which is a 4.7 mile loop down Wisconsin Ave, around the National Cathedral, down Massachusetts Ave to the Naval Observatory, and up 34th St/Reno Rd back home. It's a tough course but I was feeling up to it.

Heading down Massachusetts I noticed a motorcade heading toward me. About ten police cruisers were escorting three large tour buses northbound. Motorcades are not unusual in DC, especially in light of the major event that was taking place the next day, but I glanced over and wondered for a second what that was all about.

Well, this morning I ran into a co-worker who said that he saw me running on Massachusetts Ave on Monday. I laughed and asked if I looked strong. He said he thought so and that the 400 National Guardsmen he was escorting thought so too!! He said they suddenly became very interested when he said he knew me. Hehehe! I thought that was cute.

It's funny how many people I work with have seen me out and about running in the city. It's good incentive to stay strong and resist the urge to stop for a breather or to stretch.

Speaking of which, I've had very, very consistent times lately and am proud of my progress. Now if only I could get my yoga practice back....

Iron Chef

While in Philadelphia last weekend I had the opportunity to dine at Iron Chef Morimoto's restaurant. I chose the 7-course omakase with beverage pairing, and despite my copious notes, I will absolutely not be able to do the meal justice in this write-up. But for those who are curious:

Amuse Bouche:
Whipped sweet potato and goat cheese with chili flakes. This was sent compliments of Eric Ripert, the chef at the Ritz-Carlton where I was staying. It pays to make reservations using the hotel concierge!

First Course:
Moet et Chandon champagne
Toro (fatty tuna) mixed with crunchy shallots and garlic topped with caviar with a yoyomama Japanese plum to cleanse the palate.

Second Course:
2007 Clos du Bois Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand
Rainbow snapper carpaccio sliced thin over a garlic ginger sauce with cilantro

Third Course:
2006 Andre Boname (white)
Sashimi salad over microgreens

Fourth Course:
Apple mint syrup

Fifth Course:
2007 Riesling
Halibut with seaweed wrap over buerre blanc and lobster (my favorite course)

Sixth Course:
2007 Merlot
Parmesan-crusted lamb with pignoli ratatouille

Seventh Course:
Sake
Sushi tasting

Dessert Course:
Portuguese Madeira
Chocolate mint mousse cake with a chocolate caramel sauce

Morbid Premonition

I'm not sure why this is suddenly happening, but every time I cross the street I find myself thinking, "A car could come screaming around the corner and take me out and I wouldn't even know what hit me." And then I get all shaky and nervous and jumpy. It's so weird and I don't know where this random death anxiety is coming from.

So for now I'll just be really careful when I'm walking, especially in my daily jaywalk across U St to get tea, and most especially when I'm running. I always watch cars at intersections and try to make eye contact with drivers. I never assume that they see me. I always wear my Road ID. But until this weird morbidity wears off, I'm going to be extra cautious.

Soup

I made the most delicious (and simple!) lentil soup last night! At the risk of sounding like a completely elementary chef, I will post the recipe, which I made up. The whole thing, from veggie prep to boiling/reducing the broth, took about thirty minutes. And though I have had zero appetite since my food poisoning episode on Monday I took some to work with me today and made sure to get it down so that I can go out for five miles this afternoon.

3 carrots, peeled
5 celery ribs
1/2 large yellow onion
5 cloves garlic
2 Tbsps butter
2 cans low-sodium lentils
1 can crushed tomatoes
1 cup chicken stock
Salt, pepper, and cumin to taste

Melt butter over low heat and add chopped onion, celery, carrot and garlic. Stir to soften. Increase heat to medium and add crushed tomatoes and lentils plus half the tomato can of water. Add chicken stock and bring to a boil. Reduce and simmer for 20 minutes. Season as necessary.

High fiber, high protein, low fat.

Too simple for words. I feel silly even posting this. But it really turned out well, and though I wasn't hungry at all, it tasted good and I do feel more alert having eaten.

It's very cold (in the 20's) but I will layer up and head out there after work. No rest for the weary.

Unintended Hiatus

Sorry guys for not posting in a while. After the trip to Philadelphia, which included the most amazing 7-course meal at Morimoto's (no not paid for by the conference - I wish!) I came down with a pretty bad bout of food poisoning and have been laid up in bed for the past 24-hours.

I will blog my best about the meal here in a day or so, but understand that there's no way in freaking hell my words can do it justice.

I am supremely frustrated with the lack of consistent running and yoga in my life since BEFORE Christmas. My weight is stable, which is good, but for me running and yoga are about more than weight - they're about stress relief, strength, cultivation of the mind. I have a begin-training date of February 1st for my March half-marathon and would like to hit the ground running (pun intended) but unless I can get my ass in gear these next few weeks, I am basically going to be starting from scratch.

Dining in Philly

I'm here in Philadelphia attending a conference at the Ritz-Carlton. It's cold here, but I manageed to get a good 4+ miles in along the river yesterday, which was promptly ruined by two huge slices of pizza. Oh well. It was worth it.

Tonight I have a reservation at Morimoto's restaurant. I'm hoping for the seven-course omakase with beverage pairing... I will take copious notes and let you all know how it was!

What I'm Doing Differently

I can't figure out how to get the countdown ticker thingy to work, but if I could, you would see that I am running the National Half Marathon on March 21st. It's going to be a slow, hilly course and it's about time to start training. Having just come off a half-marathon last October, I have been thinking about my training methods and whether or not they could be improved. Here is what I'm going to do differently:

Eliminate Pre-Training: To get ready for Detroit last year, I took two months of "pre-training," which basically turned out to be base-mileage building. The problem was that mentally I felt like I was already "in training" and thus by the time I entered ten weeks of official training, I was burned out. This time around, I am going to elimiate the pre-training period and go right into official training on February 1st. In the mean time I will work on consistency and building endurance without the mental stress and dietary changes that come with training.

Tweak The Diet: For Detroit, I did pretty well cleaning up my diet and eliminating alcohol and sweets, but I didn't modify the core of my diet, which is basically a relaxed version of Precision Nutrition. This time, I will still eliminate sweets and alcohol but I will also increase protein, fish, and leafy greens.

Weight-Train: Weight-training can be tricky for runners, as a fatigued upper body can seriously hinder speed (your upper body is what propels you forward, especially on hills). BUT, it's important to have a strong upper body and weight training can reduce the likelihood of injuries. So, my weight work will be negatively correlated to my mileage: as mileage increases, weight work will get lighter and less frequent.

Track Mileage and Speed: I really need to be more deliberate about this if I am going to hit my pace goals. Training for Detroit without a watch was pretty much pointless. I ran okay, but couldn't really predict my time or track my progress, so it was difficult to know if I should be proud of myself once I finished.

Reduce Taper: Something weird happened when I was training for Detroit: I got sick just before my taper started. So, effectively, my taper lasted two weeks instead of one, which made me fall short of my total mileage goals and messed up my last chance for a long run. Since I plan to increase my overall miles (both total and long run) to prepare for the National Half, this will mean that taper will be shorter, probably only five days instead of seven. Plus, the fact that I'll be out of town for a week in high elevation three weeks out means that I won't have the luxury of a long taper right before the race.

not bad for the first timed one

So, in keeping with one of my resolutions, I replaced my watch battery and timed my run.

I did my normal/easy run, a hilly loop around my neighborhood. It comes to about 4.45 miles, and I did it in 47:50.

That time includes about 90 seconds of waiting at various traffic lights and 5-10 seconds of doubling over, nursing a sidestitch.

Pretty slow, but not bad. I haven't run since Christmas Eve and am feeling a little thick around the middle. A week or so of clean eating and consistent running/yoga practice, maybe 3-5lbs shaved off, and I should be able to cut down that time significantly.

Photos and Reflections

I'm finally back in DC and ready to get back into my routine - namely running. I haven't been out in over a week and I feel it. Tomorrow will be my first run under my new year's resolution to track my time and mileage. I'll have to scale back the miles a little... so maybe 3-ish will be a good start.

Iceland was amazing. Here are some things I loved about my trip and the country itself:

Skyr (Icelandic yogurt): thick, creamy, rich in protein and low in sugar, Icelandic yogurt makes American yogurt seem like liquid candy.

Authenticity: My Golden Circle tour guide mentioned this and I really feel it's true, that Icelandic culture and Reykjavik itself are just naturally cool, hip, and trendy. Nothing is necessarily designed to promote tourism, it's just that tourists are now realizing that Iceland is awesome. I really got the feeling that the City Center was a place where Icelanders live, work, shop, and hang out - not that the main streets were designed with tourism in mind. Makes for a very genuine and authentic travel experience.

Water (hot and cold): The hot water is endless and cheap, being heated geothermally. The cold water is pure and tasty, probably safer than bottled water since it comes directly from the glacier.

Bjork: I found that that the singer's name is actually pronounced "bee-yershk" and not "bee-york" as I always thought. Who knew?

Also on this trip, I learned that it's okay to:
*Travel to a foreign city and never set foot in a museum;
*Travel to a foreign country and not pick up a single word of the language;
*Not drink on New Year's Eve;
*Sleep through my wake up call (a couple times!)
*Not check my work email (this was hard for me!)

Reykjavik


The mid-Atlantic rift runs straight down the middle of Iceland. The Eurasian and North American plates are separating at a rate of 2.5cm per year.


Gullfoss - the Golden Falls


Gullfoss


The Blue Lagoon


The Blue Lagoon



Fireworks


More fireworks


More fireworks!