Dining Companion

Earlier this week I had the pleasure (it's always a pleasure) to have dinner and drinks with my dear friend Tracy. Tracy is a famous author, journalist, classicist, and reviewer of books and I never feel more sophisticated and classy when around him.

Due to an event for which he was in town, we met at his hotel, the infamous Mayflower (of Eliot Spitzer fame). I debated wearing a blond wig but decided that, ultimately, brunettes are more mysterious and alluring.

We started off in the lounge with cocktails and spent some time catching up. But we were hungry - and most of our time together, when we have it, is spent over food and wine - so we talked about a few options and decided to try Cafe Promenade, at the Mayflower itself.

Our choice was one to be savored.

My warm arugula salad with wild mushrooms and fried Parmesan cheese in a shallot sherry vinaigrette was delicious. Tracy opted out of a salad course.

For the main course, I ordered what turned out to be a very generous portion of seared Ahi tuna crusted with wasabi and sesame seeds over baby bok choy sauteed in lemon grass essence. The tuna was cooked perfectly - that is to say, barely cooked at all - and the bok choy bedding was tender and nicely seasoned.

Tracy ordered asparagus ravioli which came beautifully presented with a yellow pepper coulis, pesto, and black olives.

This was paired with a domestic Franciscan pinot noir, strong and bold, a lovely compliment to both our courses. The bottle never stood a chance.

I ordered dessert, rather unabashedly: the "Opera Cake" - coffee soaked almond cake layered with mocha butter cream and chocolate ganache. Sort of like tiramisu wrapped in chocolate cake. The ever-restrained Tracy took one modest bite, I polished off the rest.

The evening ended on the early side, which is customary for us since we're both early risers. I went home full of tuna and cake and wine, happy to have spent the evening in perfect company.

The Luxury of Anxiety

What follows is going to be a totally self-indulgent post about the anxieties afforded to those who have few-to-no real life responsibilities. Just bear with me.

My 7 mile run yesterday totally wore me out. My hamstrings and arms were already fatigued and the distance took a lot out of me. I couldn't eat enough today, was constantly hungry, and now can barely keep my eyes open. My mind says - THE DEFINITION OF YOGA IS DEVOTION but my body says rest.

I'm getting really anxious about Iceland. This always happens right before a big trip. Instead of fantasizing about the glaciers, the ponies, the lagoons, the hot springs, I'm worried about finding my hotel, finding my friends, whether I'll be bored, how I will communicate... and... the money.

Five weddings this year have pretty much kept me constantly in the hole (flights.. hotels... dresses.. rental cars.. gifts... times five... GAH!) and now with Christmas season here, I am really trying to be frugal HERE so I don't have to be frugal THERE.

Yes, this relates to my yoga dilemma. I really feel like I need to conserve classes (I pay for a ten-class card) because I'm not sure when I'll be able to purchase a new card. I can easily go through one and a half class cards or more per month - that really adds up and it's really hard to take a good practice when I'm panicking about not being able to afford it. And the other thing, of course, is that I want to present as a loyal and faithful student. Skipping classes doesn't lend itself to that, not to mention it makes me feel out of control, lazy, sloppy, and generally worthless.

I'm not very good at being kind to myself. But apparently I'm not very good at pushing myself, either.

Yes, I realize that I don't have kids. Or a mortgage. Or a spouse. Or medical bills. Or an invalid loved one who I support. I realize that I'm having anxiety now because I live a pretty carefree and independent life. But it's anxiety nonetheless... and I hate it.

:( :( :(

Run Report and Wedding Pics

My 7+ mile run this evening was slow and steady. Emphasis on slow. I just could not make myself run fast! The culprit? Keith's brutal yoga class yesterday, I'm sure of it. I woke up this morning with screaming hamstrings and fatigued arms, likely from holding chaturanga for a million thousand breaths each (and this posture occurs about 25 times in the entire Ashtanga primary series).

It's the hamstrings and upper body that are largely responsible for propelling the body forward. So, when those elements are tired, a run will suffer. The bright side is that my pace WAS steady and I felt strong on the hills.

I don't have them all just yet, but here are a few pictures of the lovely bridesmaids from the November wedding I stood in. The first one is the bride's sister and me. The second one is the bride's sister, me, and the groom's sister. That's us after the ceremony, chillin' in the Hummer stretch limo after the ceremony. We drove around, drank champagne and wine, ate sandwiches and cheese dipped in cheese (you kinda had to be there - and we were starving!), eventually taking pictures before the reception. Ain't we purdy??

Rainy Day

So, even though it was cold and pouring rain, like a good little yogi I didn't skip class this morning.

I did, however, leave the house without an umbrella and got totally soaked walking to the shala. To top it off, I discovered (the hard way) that my shoes HAVE HOLES IN THE BOTTOM and by the time I got to class my shoes, socks, and feet were cold and soaking wet.

And then, after a particularly brutal class, I got to put cold wet socks and shoes on and walk another mile home in the rain.

Now all I want is a mug (hahah!! I mistyped "hug" for "mug" there... Freudian slip, hm?) anyway, a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows and a kitten in my lap for the rest of the afternoon.

Back to the Routine

Last week was pretty laid-back at work, but tomorrow everything should be back to normal. It was nice to have a little break from the grind... but, being the control freak that I am, I look forward to being back in my routine.

In other exciting news, my favorite runner, Catherine Ndereba, "easily won" the Great Australian 15k. News article is here (but it mostly focuses on the male winner, Haile Gebrselassie).

Menu

Thanksgiving 2008

Appetizer - warm brie with brown sugar and walnuts, crackers, fresh apple
Soup course - hot pumpkin puree topped with sage and pumpkin seeds
Salad course - spinach and arugula with walnuts, fresh pear, and goat cheese in a spicy mustard vinaigrette
Main course - salmon baked in tin foil with tomatoes, shallot, lemon juice, rosemary, and thyme. Quinoa with feta cheese and pumpkin seeds
Dessert - pumpkin pie
For satiation - three bottles of organic Malbec

Lezlie, Mary, and I had a wonderful, mellow, food-filled afternoon. We caught up, got to know each other better, gossipped about boys, and talked at length about those things for which we are thankful.

Thank God for good friends.

Thanksgiving

Should be a nice day. I slept in and am about to go out for seven miles - hills first, then I'll finish up mostly flat and with a nice downhill stretch of sidewalk home. I alreay made the first course (pumpkin soup) and should easily finish the rest of the prep work for the salad and main course in about half an hour. Then I need to do some light cleaning and ambience... and then... wait on my two lovely girlfriends to arrive!

DGR

Every day, Matt and I send each other our food intake for critique and commiseration. Mine today is a little erratic:

5:45am - oatmeal
8:30am - apple
10am - low-fat cottage cheese
(so far so good!)
Noon - handful pretzels (was waiting for my colleague to come back so we could go eat lunch together
1pm - TWO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES AND A SCOOP OF CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. One of my colleague's onion rings.

Yeah... I fell off the wagon a little. But at least I knew what I was craving and just ATE it, instead of eating a several-hundred-calorie meal and THEN ordering dessert. If I have a light salad or soup for dinner, I will probably still be at or maybe even under my target caloric intake for the day.

Heh. A girl's gotta indulge every now and then, right?

Totally Shameless Post

I love Asian films.

I love long hair.

I love Tony Leung Chiu-Wai in all ways and with all haircuts (especially his steamy scenes in Lust, Caution).

I love his intense, knowing smile and gentle eyes.

DAMN.

Dream

Last night I dreamt that I was running the National Half marathon and it all kinda went to shit. I couldn't see the road markers very well and was never sure if I was on the right course. At one point I looked down and realized that I was wearing regular shoes - ballet flats and socks - instead of running shoes. And then at one water stop, which was inside (?) I tried to change into running shoes but they were two different brands, and I knew I couldn't wear those because I would get injured or something.

Then, at one point, after mile 4 I was at home and I checked my watch and realized that I had been running for six hours but had only gone four miles. So I just decided to quit because I knew I would never make it 13.1 miles... and was faced with my first DNF* and so dejected. I was wondering how I was going to explain that even though I had set an early fast pace it was still taking me hours and hours to run what I should have been able to cover in forty minutes.

Weird. And really, it's waaay too early for me to already be getting anxious about a March 2009 race.


*Did Not Finish

This Day Was MO

At work we have an abbreviation that we use very prolifically: MO. It stands for Mental Observation, and is traditionally used to describe a subject who is a little off and needs to be held for psychiatric evaluation. So, we will say, "This person is MO" and it's more polite than annoucing that he's totally fucking nuts.

But really, it means that the person is totally fucking nuts. It can also be used affectionately, or to describe situations. My whole day so far has been totally MO, whacked out of it's gourd. Unfortunately, I can only post one aspect of the day here as two others are work-related and one is a little too personal to post (i.e., could really hurt a person's feelings if they stumbled across the blog).

So, there was this older couple stalking me on the bus this morning. I kept catching the husband staring at me, and then they not only got off at my stop but followed me the two blocks I walk to work before turning down 17th St as I entered the office parking garage.

Then, this afternoon at 3pm as I was again waiting for the bus, just after having deflected an aggressive and high homeless person who cornered me and totally invaded my personal space to ask for change, I saw the husband walking up the street. He walked straight up to me and said, "I was on your bus this morning. My wife has been watching you go to work for two weeks!"

UH. Okay. So it turns out he is in town visiting his daughter and has had to go to my place of work for various reasons... including one time when he apparently crashed his car in Dupont Circle! "I just conked out at the wheel!" he said matter-of-factly.

Wow. Then he tried to find out where I live, that series of questions I expertly dodged. Weird. It occurs to me that yesterday morning the wife DID sort of cross the street in front of me in the morning, after departing the bus, and say, "Have a great day!" but I assumed it was just a nicety. I did not assume that they had been studying my routine for a significant amount of time!

Now I'm home and hanging out with my feline unit, catching some downtime before yoga class. Hopefully AVE will show up and we'll dine on our usual sushi and wine, if not, I have a whole bottle here at home... which won't be nearly enough...

What the heck?

It is seriously cold in DC right now. In fact, this morning, it was TWENTY DEGREES warmer in Iceland. That is just wrong.

It occurs to me, as I contemplate my upcoming excursion to the Arctic Circle, that I have absolutely no idea how to dress for those conditions. What do you wear to an ice bar? What do you wear 4-wheeling on a glacier?

Hopefully my dear friend who I'll be traveling with, and who has already visited Iceland, can shed some light.

Speaking of lights... I can't wait to gaze at the Aurora Borealis. Over and over again. What a way to ring in the New Year.

Empty Me

Empty me
Of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition
And the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me
So I can be
Filled with you
-- Chris Sligh

I am always terrified that I don't know my motives, and that they're darker and more selfish than I can acknowledge. And then I fear that the things I desire will either not be given to me or they will be given and taken away as punishment for my selfishness.

It's a very infantile view of God and consequences, but I'm a spiritual infant, so there.

A real world example of this is my fear of being offered a job that pays me better than I am paid currently. Even if the job was an incredible opportunity to do good in the world, I have this fear that I'll be given the job and then fired because, deep down, somehow the dominant motive for taking the job is the money I would be making. And since the love of money is a sin, it only makes sense that I would be denied that which I sinfully desire.

This sort of thinking really freezes me up. I just want to naturally want to be selfless, loving, and pure of heart, and yet I'm never sure that I really want those thing or if I'm really chasing selfishness and possessiveness and control and all those things that make people ugly. The scary thing is, it can be difficult to tell the difference.

I would give up every material thing to know God.

More Racing

Well, I didn't think I'd have another half-marathon on the calendar so quickly. My fault, however, for chiding some co-workers about short distance running... one came right back at me with a challenge to run the National Half-Marathon in March. So I think I will - and follow it up with the Cherry Blossom 10-miler in April.

T'will be a nice cool down, I suppose.

I think I might even dust off my watch after the first of the year and train for a time goal. Ambitious!

Tonight I'm going to have my usual yoga/sushi with AVE ritual... and then tomorrow I'm going to try to run a significant distance (7 miles), my first since the Detroit race in October. But I'm not gonna push it. Then, a friend from Baltimore is going to come visit and hopefully we'll have a nice time... I'm gonna try to find something for us to do in town, but haven't started thinking about what just yet.

Misc.

I'm home from South Bend and the fifth (and final!) wedding of the year. It was flawless. The bride looked gorgeous, and so did her bridesmaids (if I do say so myself). I'll post pictures when I get them.

I'm still trying to get back into the swing of a regular running and yoga routine. My goal is to average an easy 20-25 miles per week while practicing yoga 2-3 times per week with one or two days off. I want to leave some flexibility, but I also don't want to start from scratch when it's time to start training for my spring race.

This afternoon I twisted my ankle just about 2 miles out from the finish. Last time something like this happened, I played it macho and ran home anyway. Two hours later my ankle was twice it's normal size and I couldn't flex it or my toes. A trip to the emergency room resulting in three days on crutches was required. I had to take two weeks off running. I learned that lesson, and this afternoon just hobbled home, gently, and will ice it a bit later. I should be okay.

It'll be nice to have the day off tomorrow. I have nothing planned except some reading and an evening yoga class. Maybe I'll take a walk downtown or something. But really, I'm so worn out from travelling and weddings and family and half-marathons that I really need some down time.

Flying

I'm leaving town for a long weekend. No blog posts until Sunday night/Monday.

Be good while I'm gone... don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Katfotos

Natasha loves boxes. Best if they're just a teeny bit too small for her, but any enclosed space will do, really.

















And... a gratuitous pic of the girls as itty bitty kittens...

Eggs!

"Probably one of the most private things in the world is an egg until it is broken."

MFK Fisher, The Art of Eating

I love eggs. And I happen to be very good at cooking them. Creamy, fluffy omelets require a creamy, fluffy attitude on the part of the chef. Fisher says elsewhere that, "[An omelet is] never to be attempted by a nervous, harried woman, one anxious to slap something on the table and get it over with."

She's right. The secret to cooking great eggs is low heat and lots of patience. This is how I make an omelet. I crack three eggs and use one whole one and the whites from the other two. I add a shot of whole milk and whip with a fork until frothy. Meanwhile, a skillet is warming (not heating!) on the stove. I always use butter for eggs and not oil.

To the side I have my filling completely prepared. This is crucial, as eggs take constant watching in order to avoid over-cooking them (a common mistake) and you don't want to become distracted with chopping and shredding. (I can thank Rob for instilling in me the understanding of the mise en place)This morning, I had sauteed spinach, garlic, and shallot in butter and set it aside.

The skillet warm and butter melted, I pour in my egg mixture. The eggs SHOULD NOT SIZZLE when they hit the pan. I sncrease the heat ever-so-slightly, and wait. And wait. I resist the urge to touch my cooking eggs. Eggs are very fragile and do not hold up well under a lot of handling.

When I can see the edges begin to firm, I gently pull them away from the side with my spatula, letting the uncooked egg-soup on top fill in the space I created. This continues, working my way around the skillet, until the eggs are mostly cooked but for a thin layer on top.

I carefully flip them ONE TIME. This will be the only time I flip my omelet. I then decrease the heat, and pile my filling on one half of the eggs. To my spinach, shallot, and garlic I added cheddar cheese and smoked salmon.

I carefully fold the omelet so the filling is covered. The skillet is removed from the heat and covered, letting the residual heat melt the cheese.

I slide my omelet directly from skillet to plate. Do not try to lift your omelet with a spatula to transfer it to your plate - this may compromise the structural integrity of your meal.

Finally, I garnish with parsley or pepper as desired, and eat along with a glass of milk or juice, tea, coffee, or hot chocolate.

Breakfast

I cannot wait for breakfast tomorrow.

I have eggs, shallot, garlic, smoked salmon, spinach, and cheddar cheese. I am going to make the omelette of my life.

But first - yoga, then a mellow Halloween get-together with girlfriends.

Rainy Run

One of the perils of being car-less is that I am outside a lot. And since I wasn't diligent about checking the weather this morning, I found myself leaving work in a steady rainstorm with no umbrella.

My office is not near the metro. So... I set off on a five-block trek to the U-St station, determined to run an errand in Silver Spring. The errand was also not near the metro. When I hit my transfer point at Fort Totten, the rain had increased and I said, screw it... the errand can wait, I'm going home.

By the time I got home, the rain had stopped! So I took advantage of the dry spot and went out for an easy four-mile run, my first since the half-marathon last weekend.

Man... did it feel good to Just Run. No mileage quota to worry about, no splits to time. Just running. And when I turned a little early to close off the loop, I could feel the panic start to rise (No! Must keep going! Could add 1.5 miles if I continue down Connecticut Ave a little further!) before I realized that... I can turn whenever the hell I want and it doesn't matter because I'm not training for anything!

I stopped quickly at the grocery store and when I emerged, it was raining again. So I was happy to have snagged a little reprieve from the rain to get me back in my shoes.

I wore my race t-shirt which depicts the Detroit Half Marathon logo. The logo is great - purposefully or not, it looks like Detroit is giving the world the finger! A big F-YOU from Motown... totally appropriate. I love it.

I can't find a picture of the logo itself, but basically, it's the Renaissance Center (photo below) and the right half is red with a maple leaf (for Canada) while the right half is blue with a star (for the stars and stripes). Just the way it looks, juxtaposed against the white of the shirt, really looks like the skyline is flipping the bird. Hehe.

Swimming in Smalls

Okay. Don't kill me for this post. I realize that what I'm about to describe is a "high-quality problem" - but it's frustrating.

I went to one of my favorite clothing stores yesterday in the hopes of finding some fall/winter basics. This is a tried-and-true store for me. Things fit, they're stylish, and affordable.

Yesterday, I tried on about 15 pieces, all smalls, and they were enormous on me. What the hell. Someone of my stature should be a MEDIUM, not a small, certainly not an extra-small (which, though not huge on me, didn't fit quite right either).

Having clothes not fit because they're too big is just as frustrating as having them not fit because they're too small, especially because there's no reason why clothes shouldn't fit me! I'm average weight, well-proportioned. I don't have extra long legs or inordinately wide hips or shoulders. Maybe it was the cut - but EVERYTHING hung like a sack on me and it was so, so frustrating.

GAH.

The more frustrated I got the worse luck I seemed to have, so finally I gave up and went shoe-shopping, which is decidedly less stressful, body-image wise. I found three cute pairs - one that will be perfect for Laura's wedding, and two basic fall flats.

I still need to update my fall wardrobe, though, so I'll give it another try this week, hopefully with better results.

One-Timer

I never, ever post stuff like this. But this is interesting. So here goes.

How Racism Works...

What if John McCain were a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had only married once and Obama was a divorcee?
What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?

What if McCain were still married to the first woman he said 'I do' to?
What if Obama were the candidate who left his first wife after she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Michelle Obama were a wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama were a member of the Keating-5? (Five US senators accused of corruption in 1989 igniting a major political scandal as part of the savings and loan scandal in the late 1980's and early 1990's)

What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter.
What if McCain were a charismatic,eloquent speaker?

What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to publicly display a serious anger management problem?
What if Michele Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?

What if things were switched around?
Would the country's collective point of view be different?

What if the Obama had paraded five children across the stage following the debate including a 3 month old infant and an uwed, pregnant teenage daughter?

If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?
This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference.

You are The Boss... which team would you hire?

With America facing historic debt, two wars, stumbling health care, a weakened dollar, all-time high prison population, mortgage crises, bank foreclosures, etc.

Educational Background:

Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world.

Now, which team are you going to hire ?

Do I have cellulite?!

Until yesterday I hadn't the foggiest idea if I did or not, but now I'm pretty sure I do.

Grrr... on Saturday at the Health & Fitness Expo, where runners check in for their race and pick up their numbers, browse vendors and try out samples of energy drinks, gels, and gear, I entered a drawing sponsored by the American Laser Center.

Lo and behold, I won a $300 coupon towards laser hair removal, skin rejuvenation, or cellulite reduction.

OMG. Do I even HAVE cellulite? Suddenly I'm extremely self-conscious about it! What the heck? I've never even thought about such a thing unil the chick called me and now I'm obsessing!

Knowing that these procedures are extremely expensive, and because I am try to age gracefully and naturally, I will not be redeeming my discount... I mean, I don't need to, right?

RIGHT?!?

Half-Marathon Report

On Sunday I ran the Detroit Half-Marathon. My father also ran the half and his wife ran the fourth leg of the full marathon relay.

We had to be downtown pretty early so Melissa could get her shuttle out to Belle Isle. It was very cold - about 35-degrees, and since we knew it would get up to about 60 by the end of the race, we chose to wear shorts and short sleeves (or, in my case, no sleeves), just trying to keep warm under some cheapie thin plastic ponchos we purchased at the Expo the night before.

The race got underway right on time, but with 10,000 runners ahead of us we had trouble setting an early fast pace. The roads were thick with athletes all the way to the Ambassador Bridge (mile 3) and the fact that one lane of the bridge was open to traffic cause a major bottleneck and about 30 seconds of walking, which frustrated me because I had been training hills and really wanted to power up the incline.

The crowd thinned out through Canada (miles 4-9) and another 30 seconds or so were added to our time because of a much-needed pit stop at mile 5.

The Detroit-Windsor Tunnel was the best part of the race for me. I loved the feeling of being under water, and we had plenty of space to pick up our pace by then, and pick it up we did. Having battled one debilitating cramp a few miles back, I was ready to open it up and fly under the river and up into the sunlight. Customs Agents were waiting for us on the Detroit side, kindly staying out of the way but checking bib numbers for the first half-mile above water.

Right around mile 10, then, I came down with my third (and final) cramp of the race. It was one of those side-stitches that just doubles you over. So frustrating. I didn't stop though, just sqeezed my side and tried to breathe, all the while looking desperately for the 10-mile marker. If I could pass ten, I knew I had it in the bag.

Mile ten came, but slowly, and the cramp persisted all the way to the end of the race. As we turned the corner and approached the final stretch, I saw a very fast female runner rounding the corner from the other direction. As we ran, neck and neck, I heard the announcer say, "And in first place, unexpectedly, is [insert long and complex eastern European name]!" and realized that I was running in alongside the full marathon winner!

My father and I finished the race side by side, crossing the line at 2:30:18. A little slower than I hoped, but our halfway time was 1:22:17, which means we ran a negative split. A faster second half was my goal, along with breaking 2:30:00. So, one goal accomplished, the other barely eluded me... but at least I have something to work toward during the next one!

Thanks to all who texted, twitted, and emailed their support... thinking of you thinking of me kept me going during the tough times.

Almost There

I went for my final taper run this afternoon and felt great. Race clothes are clean and drying, apartment is clean as well.

I just need to pack and put in a couple hours at the office tomorrow... then pick up my rental car and hit the road!

I probably won't be blogging from Michigan, but I will be sending updates to Twitter, so you can log onto this page and check my sidebar to find out what's shakin.'

And, if you happen to be awake (which I don't recommend) and are so inclined, you can track my progress on race day at www.detroitmarathon.com I think you just need my last name - there are three of us with the same last name in the race. You know which one is me. Race starts at 7:15am on Sunday and you can track runners anytime after it starts. Just be warned that with so many people running, I may not cross the START line for 15-20 minutes after the gun goes off... but I will be running...

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of my little endeavor.

Ciao for now!

Pre-Race Jitters!

Keith says to enjoy the rollercoaster of emotions... and what a rollercoaster it it. One moment I feel serenely prepared, the next moment I couldn't care less, soon thereafter I'm panicking because if only I had TWO MORE WEEKS I would be ready for this race.

It doesn't help that I just got bleach in my eye trying to clean the bathroom.

I keep thinking I'm leaving tomorrow, but I'm not. I'm leaving on Friday. Here's what I need to do between now and then:

Line up cat care - DONE! (Thanks - you know who you are!)
Easy 4-mile run in race clothes - TOMORROW after work
Clean flat - TOMORROW after work
Wash race clothes, pack - TOMORROW after work
Pick up rental car and hit road - FRIDAY early afternoon

So... I'm pretty much ready... just need to get organized tomorrow and hit the road. My cold seems to be on the way out. It was very mild, which I attribute to my nearly impeccable diet over the past few weeks, regular exercise, and plenty of sleep. And by plenty, I mean PLENTY - I've been sleeping at least eight hours overnight plus an average of one two-hour nap every day. I need it, and clearly my immune system is thanking me.

On that note, I'm not sure if I'll stay up to watch the debate tonight... my mind is made up, so I'm happy enough to catch the highlights on tomorrow's news. I'd rather get to bed on time and continue my health push. It is crunch time, after all.

Whine and Complain

So... I am sick and exhausted and my half-marathon is approaching and all I want to do is stay home and drink tea and not talk to anyone but one of my dearest friends is getting married this afternoon and there's been a ton of stuff happening this weekend that I wanted to be a part of. The ceremony is today and last night at the rehearsal dinner it was pretty clear to me that the girl who was supposed to give me a ride to the church didn't want to, so I let her off the hook and told her I would find my own way.

The church is in Georgetown but not near the metro, so I thought I would either walk 1.5 miles to Tenleytown and catch the bus down Wisconsin Ave to O St (in a hip-hugging red dress - NOT the best option) or just call a cab.

I ordered a cab online this morning but then they called me and said that they do not pre-order cabs for intra-city trips, only to the airport or whatnot, but if I just called a few minutes before I need to leave they would send a cab no problem.

So, fine. I managed to pull on some clothes and traipse down to Giant to restock on decongestants and tea and also get some cash to pay the cab driver, but when I grabbed my wallet I didn't realize that I had pretty much cleaned it out last night so I could carry the essentials (ID, debit card, etc) in a cute little clutch purse that matched my slate gray dress.

It was only when I was trying to pay for my groceries that I realized I a) would not be able to purchase the Tylenol because Giant requires ID for that sort of thing and b) would not be able to get cash for the cab because my debit card was at home with my ID. ARGGGH. Luckily I had a credit card on me so not all was lost.

So I went next door to CVS who's cashier sold me the Tylenol without checking my ID and then just came home. I am too lazy to go all the way ("all the way" - two and a half blocks) back down to the bank to get cash to pay the cab driver... so I guess I will end up taking a bus to the wedding.

Can we say, classy??

I suppose another option is to try to call for a cab that would let me pay for a credit card. Maybe I'll try that route. It has to be possible, right?!

My Worst Nightmare

Okay, maybe the title is hyperbole. But only slight hyperbole.

I think I'm getting sick. One week out from my half-marathon. This is Not Good.

I left work early today and slept for a couple hours... woke feeling no worse, and maybe a little better. I have a big wedding weekend coming up - a bridal shower tonight, a tea in the morning, rehearsal/rehearsal dinner tomorrow night, and the wedding itself on Sunday.

Somehow, I'm going to have to squeeze in two runs amid all the traveling back and forth to Shirlington/Alexandria which, without a car, will be very time-consuming. The good news is that Monday is a federal holiday. My goal is to do an easy long run (~10 miles) and talk to as few people as possible.

If I can make it through this weekend without developing a full-blown cold, I should be home free.

Dining In

I needed a nourishing meal after my 7-mile run this evening. This is what I came up with:

Quinoa and chicken drizzled in olive oil with a "Rainbow Salad" of greens, tri-color peppers, carrot, sprouts, and a little goat cheese in a homemade vinaigrette... all against the backdrop of my fruit bowl. Dessert will be fresh blueberries and pomegranate green tea.

Slight Anxiety

I feel anxious right now.

I hate, hate, hate anxiety.

There's so much going on in my life. One wedding passed, two more upcoming - the one this weekend requiring a ton of travel back and forth from Alexandria which, without a car, is difficult. Lots of time, too much time, I need to keep running and I'm afraid that the weekend will be so hectic that I literally won't find two consecutive hours to run. The problem is that after the two hours spent running, I'll need to find another hour to get to Alexandria for the lingerie party/tea/rehearsal dinner/a million other events.

This coming weekend is pivotal. It's the last weekend before I start tapering for the half-marathon. I'm nervous. I'm worried.

I'm also facing a bit of a dilemma in my professional life. It's probably a "high-quality problem," i.e., one that most people would like to have... but it's stressing me out because there are a lot of unknowns. I don't like unknowns. I don't like to trust God. I want to just rely on myself, but I can't because I don't know what the outcomes of some of the decisions will be... and that really worries me.

I feel lucky, though, to have such a multi-faceted life: work, church, running, yoga, Irish music. All these things have bearing on my happiness, and so if something goes wrong in one area, I still have a pretty good chance of staying happy and content overall. I need to remember that if I make a choice and it doesn't work perfectly, that life is still worth living. Easier said than done, though, and I'm having a really hard time thinking clearly because I don't have one second to sit still with all this activity in my life right now.

The monastery looks better and better every day...

Cuisine de Marriage

My cousin just got married at the National Museum for Women in the Arts... and a spectacular affair it was. Perhaps the nicest wedding I've ever attended.

This was the menu. Definitely worth posting:

First Course:
Wild forest mushroom and gorgonzola tart with shot of soup: with mache greens and roasted pepper vinaigrette. Accompained by an autumnal soup of butternut squash.

Entree:
Chicken roulade with spinach and sun dried tomatoes: boneless chicken breast stuffed with sauteed spinach, sun dried tomatoes and goat cheese. Served with a caramalized onion sauce.

Corn Souffle Timbale: silver queen corn timbale crowned with a tomato concasse

Haricots Verts Bundles: crisp haricots verts dressed with sweet butter, bundled and tied with a carrot tie.

Dessert:
Wedding Cake
Chocolate Buffet

The mother of the bride made over 700 chocolates which were beautifully laid out for sampling... I took some home (most def) and am trying HARD not to scarf them down as I type.

Best of luck in your marriage, JP and Kristin.

Cryptix

Plans are in the making! Exciting plans. I will say no more lest I jinx myself... but stay tuned!

A Quick Breather

I have another free evening to get my act together before all hell breaks loose both in my professional and personal life. Speaking engagements, weddings, alumni receptions (which I wouldn't go to except someone from Hillsdale emailed me specifically and said they wanted to see me), work at the office is piling up exponentially, and I really need to push the mileage here in the next few weeks if I am going to perform well in the race.

I'm really trying not to let all this activity change my disposition. But when I don't get enough unstructured time to myself, I become sort of an unpleasant person to be around. Sometimes I think I am unpleasant person anyway, but that is for another post. I just hate it when I can feel myself getting sarcastic, losing my sense of humor, getting lectury and condescending. It's frustrating when I can feel the worst parts of myself becoming the most prominent parts and there's little I can do to stop it. And then I feel like withdrawing from the world and not inflicting my awful self on people, which adds to the frustration of being so busy, which increases the number and level of my personality flaws... and suddenly I wonder what the hell really IS stopping me from moving to a monastery or just leaving to teach English in Korea or something.

Crunch Time

I'm about three weeks out from my half-marathon. This is officially crunch time. I've clearled my schedule until October 19th, with the exception of a dinner thing with an out of town friend, a quick trip to Richmond, a tune or two on Wednesdays, and weddings the next two weekends. Weekdays are to be devoted to running and conditioning as well as rest. Maintaining good health is just as important as maintaining mileage right now. Catching a cold would suck big time.

Aside from a super-strict training routine until my taper begins, I am also imposing some dietary changes. Dairy and alcohol are stricken, as are all animal proteins with the exception of lean chicken. Sweets and desserts are forbidden.

If it's true that athletes perform the way they practice, then consistency and drive these next three weeks are vital to my success.

Good Intentions

Well, I meant to write a witty and detailed post about giving my first-ever bouzouki lesson to a very apt and talented student, John's super lame absence from the RiRa session, the MO on my metro train last night, and the fact that this week has gone totally down the drain in terms of running, but I ended up working a twelve hour shift today and just don't have the details in me.

So, stay tuned, and if the memories listed above haven't dissolved inside my feeble, almost-30 year old brain, I'll see what I can pull together tomorrow.

I Quit (Twice)

After five days of running and yoga, my legs felt heavy and tired this morning when I woke up, but after work I went out for a spin anyway. What a mistake. I didn't make it one mile before I. Just. Stopped.

My hamstrings were screaming, everything felt heavy, my mouth was dry. This was bad. So I stopped and turned around and started walking home... and the funniest thing happened.

I began the usual self-deprecation and scolding, but my heart just wasn't in it. The enthusiasm that ordinarily accompanies my harsh dressing-down was absent. The inner monologue felt forced and mechanical. And so I stopped that too. I stopped beating myself up and just walked home. I didn't finish my run, so what. The world is not going to grind to a halt, my body will not turn to flab. In fact, I will probably be STRONGER tomorrow having quit my run and rested.

I am too cynical to figure this a psychological breakthrough, but I'm also not about to question a good thing.

Off tonight for sushi and a tune at Nanny O'Brien's. Should be fun, stay posted for reports of any hijinks!

Embracing the Curls!

So I came across a great article on how to care for curly hair and have decided to vary my routine and see if I can't get my fabulous head of hair looking even more goddess-like!

So far I have changed three things about my hair-care and with great results.

1. I am no longer shampooing my hair. Instead, I will gently massage the scalp with a dollop of conditioner to loosen dirt and rinse through before actually conditioning the locks. This is because, apparently, shampoos contain a chemical that is extremely drying to curly hair and strips the hair of it's naturally moisturizing oils.

2. I am using a curl-enhancing mousse. I have, at times, used a leave-in conditioner after towel-drying, but never an actual styling "product" designed for curly hair.

3. Instead of using the classic "turban" method whereby a plain bath towel is wrapped around the hair and piled on top of the head for drying, I am now using the "plopping" method whereby a wicking towel or cotton t-shirt is placed on a flat surface and the top of the head is placed directly in the center of the t-shirt, which is then wrapped around the head and secured for fifteen minutes (after mousse application). The benefits to this method over the turban method are twofold, as I understand it:
a. Wicking or cotton material actually pulls moisture out of the hair. This serves as a de-frizzing agent, whereas terrycloth isn't very absorbent and redistributes water back into the hair follicles, causing flyaways and frizz.
b. Securing the curls in a pile on top of the head sets their shapes so it holds better as it dries.

I am just about to embark on day two of my new routine. I still have a bit of experimenting to go in terms of product, and I probably will end up using a gentle shampoo once or twice a week. Regardless, I am thrilled with my "new" curls and can't wait to flaunt them!

Updates

I've been twittering so much lately that I almost forget to blog! Let's see... what can I tell you...

Well, Skwigg was lucky enough to find a good stylist for her curly hair. I have never been so lucky. Even my stylists who have curls of their own and insist they can cut ringlets just don't get how to TRIM THE ENDS so that I can maintain (and improve)length. I now resort to asking friends/my mom to cut my hair under close supervision. It seems to work so far.

The Stanley Cup champs will take on the Eastern Conference finalists on January 31, 2009 at the Verizon Center in DC. I just shelled out big bucks for my ticket... I am broke but blissful. I have a great seat and look foward to a great match. I am ordinarily pretty frugal.. so I figure a little splurge on my passion is a good diversion from the norm. The norm being my uber-scheduled, highly-controlled, never-anything-in-excess, ascetic existence.

I'm heading out in a few minutes with a new friend to meet up with some old friends for grilled food, good drinks, and a few tunes on a Capitol Hill roof.

Touching Toes

I am obsessed with taking pictures of Elena. She is much more photogenic than Natasha. And whenever she naps, she has to be touching me. This was from this morning.

Feeling Good Feeling Bad

Not sure what the problem was last night, but I could not sleep. I got drowsy reading a little after ten and turned out the light. Still awake at midnight I got up, checked my email, and went back to bed a few minutes later. Still awake around 2am, I got up, watched a little TV, and went back to bed around 3am. Still awake at 4:30am. Finally fell asleep a little after that... and now I'm awake again a few hours later.

I'm not going to go to yoga this morning, but I'm sure I will beat myself up for that, seeing as how I skipped my class on Friday to nurse my calf issue.

Maybe my long run, which I took last evening instead of morning, was the culprit? Though I was home by 6:30pm and spent the evening unwinding on the couch in front of the 'John Adams' series... that's the only thing I can think of that would have kept sleep at bay so severely.

Oh well. I'm going to take it easy today and not hesitate to nap.

Calf Woes

I think I pulled a muscle in my calf. My race is quickly approaching (see sidebar) and every twinge makes me nervous. I don't know what I would do if I injured myself and couldn't race. I am so paranoid, too... a running injury notwithstanding, what if I slip getting out of the shower and twist my ankle? Or trip over one of my cats and hurt my knee?

I am skipping yoga class tonight and intend to do a light stretching regimen at home instead. For my nine-miler tomorrow... I guess I will just take it easy and hope for the best...

A Quickie

Last night I went out for a tune and had a great time! A newcomer, an old friend, a pick dropped down by bra and retrieve not inconspicuously... a couple of pints, and I really do want to start practicing more and getting back into the swing of things.

The social life has been slightly over the top lately - but it's good to flow with the flow when it flows... knowing that it will ebb soon enough. In a few minutes I'm off to meet Anne for some of the best sushi in town before we both head over to our Community Group meeting.

Proof

As a result of being outside for the duration of an eleven-mile run yesterday, I got BURNED! The outline of my t-shirt is perfectly visible. I realized this only after getting dressed last evening... and without time to incorporate a fabulous scaft. Alas.

Shorts

The weekend looks auspicious. Yoga and dinner with the one and only AVE tonight, followed by a cozy night and morning, tucked away inside while Hannah rages on.

This afternoon as I was driving with a colleague back to the office from lunch, a guy ran stark naked in front of our car as we were stuck in traffic. The ensuing radio traffic was hilarious, especially when it was revealed that he had been stopped and placed under arrest right in front of a school that was dismissing for the day!

I am going to a bridal shower tomorrow at the Ritz-Carlton! That will, hopefully, be my only foray outside.

I had a bad run yesterday and will not run Saturday. For some reason, I am calm about this, even though missing a long run this close to the race is really, really inadvisable. I guess I just have to trust the consistency of my own training.

Lately I have been having auditory hallucinations. I'll think I hear my phone ringing. I'll check it - not rinigng. I'll put it down, and a few seconds later I hear it ringing again!! It's kind of creeping me out. I'm too old for the onset of schizophrenia. Any other suggestions?

Frustration!

My run sucked! It totally sucked. Yes, it was hot - 94-degrees to be exact.

However, I followed the "run slow" and "hydrate early and often" rules and STILL didn't quite finish the distance I wanted.

I really need this weather to break. I need several more strong, steady long runs before my race in October.

Grrr.....

Labor Day Weekend

Standing on the edge of the world:


Cocktails on Platte Lake:


The Frankfort Pier and lighthouse:

Leaving Town

I'm getting ready to fly to Northern Michigan and visit my father, his wife, and my brother and sister-in-law. We'll be doing lots of running, lounging by the lake, boating, hiking, bonfiring, and (I hope) - sleeping!

One thing I definitely want to do is take the fishing boat up Platte River to the Riverside general store for ice cream! We used to do that all the time when I was a kid and it is the best. If you go late enough they have the fire roaring. Nothing like pulling up and leaving a place by boat. So cool!

I doubt I'll be updating the blog over the weekend... so enjoy the long one and check back early next week!

THE WIRE SPOILER ALERT

NOTE: IF YOU ARE WATCHING THE WIRE AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE SERIES, INCLUDING SEASON FIVE, DO NOT READ THIS POST. This post contains a Season Five spoiler. Step away from the blog. You have been warned.

Once again, I have stolen a very interesting survey from Air Force mom Lea:

Do you like blue cheese? Yes

Have you ever smoked heroin? No

Do you own a gun? No

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? I have never been to Sonic!

Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not really

What do you think of hot dogs? Totally gross. Even the smell. Can't even walk past the street vendors, have to take a detour across the street.

Favorite Christmas movie? A Christmas Story

What do you prefer to drink in the morning? A big glass of water first thing, then black tea with milk.

Can you do push ups? Yes

What would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? I always loved you.

What's your favorite piece of jewelry? The amber necklace, earrings, and ring my mom bought me in Athens

Favorite hobby? Playing Irish music at pubs

What's one trait you like about yourself? I am comfortable in almost any social setting

Middle name? Marie

Name 3 things you bought yesterday: A metro farecard... groceries... and that's it. It was Sunday

Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, tea, red wine

Current dislike right now? The Wire because Omar just got smoked

How did you bring in the New Year? With many resolutions

Where would you like to go? Finland and Russia, Korea. Singapore. The Himalayas

Name three people who will complete this? Probably no one ;)

Do you own slippers? No, but I do own fuzzy comfy winter socks

What shirt are you wearing? A dark brown tank top

Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No

Favorite color? Dark blue

Would you be a pirate? WTF?

Favorite girl's names? Natasha, Elena, Laura

Favorite boy's names? Patrick, Daniel

What's in your pocket right now? No pockets in my pj's

Last thing that made you laugh? A text message I received

Best bed sheets as a child? My Little Pony sheets and pop-up tent that fit over my mattress ;)

Do you love where you live? Absolutely

How many TVs do you have in your house? One

How many dogs do you have? None

Does someone have a crush on you? Yes

What are your favorite books? Anything by Thomas Merton or Patricia Highsmith

What is your favorite candy? Does ice cream count?

What song do you want played at your funeral? Never thought about it...

What were you doing 12 AM last night? Sleeping!

What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Did I sleep through my alarm??

DNF

I didn't finish my training run yesterday. I was going to post a map of the route versus what I actually ran, but I don't have the energy. Let's just say I'm pretty sure I know what happened and hopefully it won't happen again. Still bad for morale, though.

I have a scar on each hand now, neither of which will fade completely. Has anyone ever tried that Mederma stuff? Does it work?

I finally have a few hours to myself. I'm going to heat up some vegetable and shrimp stir fry and pour it over a batch of quinoa, maybe settle down and watch some TV or a movie.

Dinnerblogging

Dinner was whole wheat rotini with shrimp in a light sauce made from olive oil, butter, chopped onion, a fresh tomato from Mike and Christina's garden, scallion, baby portabello mushrooms, and fresh basil and oregano also from the garden.

Some more fresh basil on top, and this was the final product. Delish!

Weekend Away

Over the weekend I took a train ride down to Norfolk to visit my brother and sister-in-law for the weekend. What a nice getaway... not only the food (homemade lasagna, squash casserole, dill-havarti omelettes with poached salmon, marinated cucumber salad, pork chops, tea, ice cream, homemade hazelnut chocolate cake, and plenty of red wine) but also two six-mile runs along Knitting Mill Creek, cocktails overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, some reading, a nap or two, the Olympics, and lots of talking outside on the back porch under a dim morning sun.

This is the route that Christina and I ran. It's a perfect two-mile loop around their little peninsula:


This is the view over Virginia Beach and out into the Atlantic Ocean where we enjoyed frozen drinks on Saturday evening:



And this is the three of us, getting ready to head to the train station for my departure:

Timeline

In just a few short minutes I'll be leaving work to go home, pack my bag, and hop on a train headed for Newport News, VA, where my brother and Christina will be waiting to pick me up for the weekend!

I'm psyched, and yet I'm sure I'll be utterly jealous of their gorgeous house (yes, I am the last renting child, sue me) on the water, outdoor patio, little path around the inlet, and overall fantastic life.

I'm sure we'll have good food and good conversation. I'll be squeezing in a run, and don't anyone forget to watch Catherine the Great take the gold on Sunday morning!

My Consolation

'Let men compose themselves and live at peace,
Set haughty fate beneath their feet,
And look unmoved on fortune good and bad,
And keep unchanging countenance:
Unmoved they'll stand before the ocean's rage
Which churns up waves from deep below,
Unmoved by restless Mount Vesuvius,
Her furnace burst and hurling flames,
Unmoved by fiery thunderbolts in flight
Which sweep in ruin towers on high.

Why then are miserable men in awe
When tyrants rage impotently?
If first you rid yourself of hope and fear
You have disarmed the tyrant's wrath:
But whosoever quakes in fear or hope,
Drifting and losing mastery,
Has cast away his shield, has left his place,
And binds the chain with which he will be bound.'
-Spoken by Philosophy in Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy

Busy Days!

The social life has been pretty darn good lately! On Thursday some friends and I got together for happy hour at Creme Cafe on U St. Slightly disappointing (they were out of four of the six red wines they offer by the glass!) but the company made the leisurely evening worthwhile.

Friday I took my usual afternoon yoga class and kept the standing dinner date with the one and only AVE. Long and lean after a tough class, we both walk down the street to whichever restaurant in Tenleytown suits our cravings. Usually it's for sushi at Murasaki, but this last time we decided to grab some pizza at Angelico and work on sovling the world's problems.

Saturday I took a nice 8.5 mile spin around the National Mall. The weather was cool and gorgeous, and my legs felt fresh the whole way. Then I hooked up with a girlfriend and we headed to deep southwest for a birthday party where much ribs, mac/cheese, and birthday cake was consumed. When the Texas Hold 'Em started up we decided to take our leave and spent the rest of the night at Nanny's nursing pints of Guinness and solving our own problems.

This morning I had another yoga class - a great one - and now I'm off to get together with an old friend and his new wife for lunch before a bit of tunage, then it's on to church.

A busy but fulfilling couple of days.

A thought

This blog post feels pretty scattered. I've spent a lot of time try to express this idea, and... well... I can't, really, very well.

A while ago I read an interesting article about disappointment. If I were more motivated, I'd find the link for you. I think it was from the New York Times, and it was very interesting... the basic gist being that a lot of people don't feel free to express disappointment because things could always be worse.

I do this ALL THE TIME. Last week at work was so stressful, one of the most stressful weeks I've had, and all I could think was - you're nuts, you don't have kids, or a mortgage, you have no "real" responsibility other than yourself; other people have it a lot worse so quit complaining about work being hard and be thankful that you're working at all.

Where did I get the idea that only those who have experienced the most profound loss can legitimately express disappointment or grief?

Weekend End

Sundays are always a little hard for me. I tend to experience some anxiety regarding the upcoming week. Work is stressful, and while I can usually (read: usually) handle it.. lately things have been a bit over-the-top.

So, in anxious anticipation of my 5:15am alarm, I tend to go to bed too early, only to toss and turn for an hour or so, each passing minute increasing my fear that I'll be groggy in the morning.

Working a job where noticing every little detail means the difference between success and (potentially deadly) failure, exhaustion at work is prohibitive.

I've been trying to develop a Sunday evening routine that is quiet, contemplative, and reflective of the church service I've just attended, but I've little success so far. Maybe I'm just doomed to start each week with difficulty.

Run Report - 8 Miles

This morning I went for two laps around the National Mall, which comes out to a little over 8 miles. On the advice of uber-runner Keith, who just completed his umpteenth 100-mile trail race despite a killer bee attack around the 60th mile, I tried to relax and get my mind set that I'm going to be running for a long time.

No hurry.

I went out at what felt like a painfully slow pace. Other runners were passing me in droves, but I remembered what Keith said and also took a lesson from my favorite runner, Catherine Ndereba, who recently ran a 1:10:00 half marathon in New York. She said that she and her trainer decided on 1:10:00, and if someone else was going to run a 1:08, fine - she wasn't going to speed up. She had a calculated goal in mind and the achieved that goal. Nice.

Around mile 5 I could feel myself start to speed up in response to a bit of boredom. The faster I could get it over with, the better. But, I reminded myself, if I pick up the pace and thusly hit a wall, I'll end up walking, which is mentally demoralizing and defeats the point of speeding up to finish faster.

So I tried to set my mind to my goal and cruised the second lap at a slow but very steady pace. I felt great overall - legs tired by the end, and sitting on the metro didn't help matters, but I actually felt like I could have done more - which I will be doing on October 19th when the distance moves to 13.1.

The overcast skies probably helped things. The temperature stayed relatively low and the morning sun wasn't beating down on me. Also, the Mall, unlike my regular routes, is flat.

I have no idea what my pace was because I wasn't wearing a watch, but I don't honestly care. Not only did I go for it, but I finished and finished strong. That's all that matters.

Spidey Sense!

So I come home from work this afternoon and as I unlocked the door to my urban flat, something felt off. I stood in the doorway and, as I've been taught, took a visual inventory of the room.

Cats seemed okay - both snoozing, Natasha deigning to crack one eye and glance my way. Desk seemed okay. Burgundy throw folded on the couch, as I'd left it this morning. Cereal bowl from breakfast on the coffee table - check. Door to the bedroom closed - check. Pile of cat toys by the closet door - NO CHECK. Those were NOT there this morning. What's more, there was a purple toy mouse on top of the pile, haven't seen one that color laying around in a few weeks. Some cats are the types to bring "presents" to their owners or stockpile their toys; mine have never picked up that habit. That was all I had to go on that something was wrong, and I felt silly, but the hairs on my neck were standing up, breathing was shallow, body still - classic "fight or flight" preparation.

Yes folks, my spidey sense was activated by oddly placed cat toys but I am not nuts. Still standing in the doorway, I could see through the closet into the bathroom, where the toilet lid was open. Uh uh. I do not leave the lid open because Elena likes to splash in standing water and I don't want her to go in face first and drown.

Someone was in my apartment today, I knew it, I just knew it. The cat toys and toilet lid solidified my gut feeling. I walked slowly into the bathroom and confirmed it - maintenance replaced some of my sink fixtures. Simple as that, but I knew, I knew it before I even saw what they fixed, I knew it by my feeling and by one tiny thing out of place, one purple cat toy amongst the dozens that are laying around, and of course the cats play all day and scatter their toys, but something about THAT TOY was just wrong and I KNEW.

Intuition, yeah.

Deer in the City

So after a long day at work and an even longer wait in the doctor's waiting room, I decided to take out my pent-up energy on the pavement and do a slow five-miler in the waning sun.

I was rewarded by the sight of two huge deer feeding on the grounds of one of the embassies in my neighborhood. That's right - two bucks, enormous, munching peacefully on grass, two blocks from the metro and two miles from downtown Washington, DC.

I love this city!

Today's Lesson

It was about ten degrees cooler today than it has been. The weather felt positively brisk! I neglected to discern, however, that ten degrees cooler than 96 is still pretty damn hot. So yeah, I ran out too fast, but overall enjoyed a nice run and a brief reprieve from the oppressive heat we've been having.

That said, I must confess that I didn't see Une Vielle Maitresse after work as I had intended. I sort of figured - why bother? I may have had it with Breillat. I might Netflix the film; then again, I might not.

Sheesh

This is my cat Natasha laying directly on top of my mouse-arm while I am trying to check my email.

"All True Artists Are Hated"

Or, "Why I am About to Retraumatize Myself"

"I am the pariah of French cinema," says Catherine Breillat, with a wicked smile and a hint of pride. "That can make things complicated for me: it is never easy to drum up a budget or to find a distributor for my films in France. Some people refuse even to read my scripts."

-from the Telegraph, May 4, 2008.

I first encountered the Parisienne filmmaker Catherine Breillat as a naive and innocent teenager. I thought that a film about the coming of age of two sisters, A Ma Soeur (English title: Fat Girl) would be interesting and thought-provoking. Also, it was in French, a bonus for my burgeoning tastes in foreign film.

What I saw left me so shaken that I sat in my cold Jeep Wrangler and struggled to compose myself enough to drive the one and a half miles home only to curl up in bed.

Yeah. It's no wonder she names David Cronenberg as a kindred cinematographer. Loyal readers may recall a particularly traumatizing experience watching a movie called Crash; except it wasn't the Crash that everyone ELSE was watching, the one with Sandra Bullock that speaks to race relations in the United States. Oh no. Instead, I accidentally watched a film by the same name but directed by David Cronenberg that immersed itself into a strange subculture of people who are fascinated by and like to recreate, even in dismemberment and death, car crashes.

It was my first (and last) time seeing homosexual amputee sex scenes.

Anyway, back to Catherine. The second film of her's that I had the not-pleasure of viewing, Anatomy of Hell, featured such cinematographic gems as a man immersing a blood-soaked tampon in a glass of water, and then drinking the water; a young girl squishing a baby bird to death with her bare feet (yes, it's a real baby bird and yes, the baby bird really dies right there in front of you. Not. A. Prop.). Et cetera.

Why on earth I am planning on indulging her latest absurdity, Une Vielle Maitresse (English title: The Last Mistress) is a bit of a mystery. Masochism? Perhaps. But, as she explains to the British Telegraph, Catherine may be exploring new territory with her latest film. Apparently it's deep and toned-down (despite, apparently, a scene in which the lead character licks blood from her lover's chest after he is wounded in battle).

The film stars Naomi Campbell and Cristophe Rocancourt. Neither of them are actors, indeed Rocancourt is an indicted criminal who spent five years behind bars for fraud.

Like several other directors (Michael Haneke being a notable example) there's something about Catherine that I just can't get enough of, despite her harrowing, mentally exhausting films. Standby for a review after my viewing on Thursday... if I can actually think coherently.

Decisions

So I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but recently I have decided to try to be a bit easier on myself, mentally and physically. I'm limiting runs to no longer than 5 miles (until half-marathon training begins) and made some other changes to my workout schedule in the hopes of achieving overall physical health without all the self-beratement I am prone to.

However, I am worried that the pendulum will swing too far in that direction, and it seems to be so... once again, we are going to have a day in the upper 90's and I just don't think that running in the heat would serve any point. I usually go to a yoga class on Sunday mornings, but I've had non-stop week, including yesterday, and now I just feel like staying home in my air conditioning and catching up on The Wire.

Sigh. Well hey. If I'm going to skip yoga and stay in, I'm going to ENJOY my down time and not spend it beating myself up for being lazy. Here's to attempting to achieve some semblance of mental health :)

Frustrated

It's 93-degrees outside and the sun is beating down. It's brutal. I sweated through my shirt walking three blocks to the metro at 8:15am. I really, really, desperately want to go running, but my logical mind is telling me to stay home, stay inside, and drink lots of water.

If it were FIVE DEGREES COOLER I would probably suffer through it...

Mike Farris

Can't No Grave Hold My Body Down!

The other night I went with some friends to see Mike Farris play at Ebenezer's on the Hill. He's this great bluesy gospel singer and gave a great show to about 75 people in the basement studio of the coffee shop.

I've been meaning to post a YouTube video of him, but I keep getting drawn into his music and forgetting to actually send the clip to my blog ;)

Sigh, okay, once again I am technologically inept and cannot figure out how to post the video inside this post. So, see above for clip.

Decision

Okay... so I have been beating myself up far beyond what is normal over the state of my workouts lately. So I have made a decision. Until I begin formally training in mid-August for my half-marathon in October, I am going to limit all runs to 5-miles at the maximum and try to improve overall health and fitness, instead of panicking and running longer distances before I'm ready, resulting in a weaker body and higher levels of frustration.

I'm also going to work on allowing myself to acclimatize to the hot weather rather than pushing myself and expecting the same level of endurance that I had back in April/May when the weather was twenty degrees cooler.

All in the name of trying to be kind to myself and recognize accomplishments for what they are, rather than nothing ever being good enough.

So weak!

This morning for the first time since setting my will do it, I slept through my 5am run.

Totally, completely, conscientiously on purpose.

I woke up and just decided that I didn't want to do it. So I reset my alarm and went back to sleep. I even caught a later bus - the 6:18am - than usual.

Hopefully, this spike is utter laziness will not become a trend.

Presents!

Trent, my dearest friend (and celebrity!) sent me flowers and chocolate for my birthday!

This is the first time I've ever received flowers and chocolate. And oh... how I hope I'll be receiving them many more times in the future.

Thank you my love!

Reflections on Another Year

As I turn one year older and mark my fifth anniversary of moving to DC, I wanted to take a few minutes to reflect on my life so far. It's summertime and we have interns in the office, which is very interesting, fun, and insightful, as I'm reminded of how far I've come since my days interning in 2004. I can say this - for all that they have to look forward to, all the options before them, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. I don't miss the professional and financial uncertainty that comes with the close of schooling and the entrance into the working world.

I'll have four years at my job this October. I may be the only one of my friends that is still working at their first job out of school! But I value that stability and have developed a professional reputation for myself: I'm trusted at work, sought out for special projects. I've been asked to speak at conferences and universities. I just submitted the page proofs to the editor of the book I'm contributing to; the other contributors are the leaders in my field today.

I love my apartment and my kittens. I'm working hard at being more social, and some great new friends have helped with that. I'm getting plenty of exercise and eating well.

It's been about a year and a half since I got rid of my car, and I couldn't be happier with how that decision turned out.

When I really look at things, there's little I would change about my life today. If and when I decide to move on from my current job, I have an idea of what I'd like to do, and I wouldn't mind starting to find some ways to bolster my resume to be a desirable candidate in that area. Maybe some volunteer work at a local organization on the weekends to get some experience, more networking, joining a professional organization or two and attending some conferences. But that will come naturally, and with time.

Overall, the state of my life, twenty-eight years in, is: centered and happy.

Sigh

Elena fell sounds asleep on my hand as I was checking my email tonight.


When I tried to gently extricate myself, she wrapped her little paw around my finger and held on.

Long Weekend

I've never needed it more. I totally burned out today. I could not even remotely force myself to get out of bed this morning and ended up sleeping in and taking the 6:18am bus. I realize that sounds nuts - in terms of 'sleeping in' - but I usually take an earlier bus.

Anyway... it has just been a draining week all around and I desperately need some unstructured time to run, bike, practice yoga, experiment with my new kettlebell, catch up on some reading, and generally regroup.

Here is a shot of the bride and groom (my brother is so handsome!)

TRIPLE UGH TIMES A MILLION

I feel awful right now. I spent the hours after work debating whether or not to have a yoga practice (see Twitter feed --->) despite the fact that:

*I have a blister on the bottom of my toe that really hurts when pressed in the way that my foot presses my yoga mat;
*I have a uterus full of blood that is about to come slowly leaking out over the course of four days, and;
*I ran this morning at 5am and was low on energy;

but because:

*I always feel better after yoga and rarely feel better because I skipped;
*Class on Friday is cancelled so this is my only opportunity for a studio practice until Sunday;
*Otherwise I feel like a pathetic lump of lard.

Result? A horrible, rushed, monkey-minded practice and now I'm home feeling sorry for myself. This is not the first time I've bailed on a yoga practice in recent weeks. I hate struggling like this. How can I pull myself out?

Wedding Weekend

I'm finally back from my brother's wedding in Wallingford. What a fun weekend! Lots of Duboeuf pinot was consumed, I channeled my inner francophile, many water balloons were tossed (sometimes at moving targets!), much mezze was consumed, stories were told, vows were spoken, and the newly married couple (MY brother!!) is unwinding for a few days before returning south to their new home, where they will soon have a weekend visitor (me!).

I managed to run twice, with my father, in Connecticut but I still feel slightly groggy and out of shape. I'm back to my pre-dawn routine and also ordered a kettlebell workout set, which will hopefully help with my strength and muscle tone.

I napped for about an hour after work today, and when I woke up, this is what I saw:


Yep, a Natasha on my chest, staring at me. And now I have Elena pacing back and forth in front of me, dragging her tail under my nose and blocking my view of the screen. Wedding photos are uploading right now and I will post some later on!

Leaving Town

I'm heading to Connecticut in a few hours for my brother's wedding. I think my cats know I'm leaving. They both curled up next to me on the couch and put their heads down, but they were breathing kinda fast and kept their eyes open. Poor things can't relax. They'll be in very good hands while I'm gone, though, so I'm not worried.

I will, however, be incommunicado until Sunday night. Til then!

Schedule

Yay! The funnest weekend ever approacheth! This is my approximate workout/travel schedule for the next few days:

Tonight:
Advanced yoga class

Tuesday:
Advanced yoga class

Wednesday:
Pre-dawn run (3.5 mi)

Thurdsay:
Morning (not pre-dawn) run (6 mi)
11am - leave for Union Station
6pm - arrive in Wallingford, CT to assume my official role as the last unmarried child

Friday:
Morning run (with father?)

Saturday:
Wedding day
Workout TBD

Sunday:
Early run
Donuts

The challenge for the early part of this week will be to continue to workout when I can, sleep enough, and eat totally clean. I have smashing, limited runway edition dresses that I need to fit into in just five short days!

I've been over-eating a little lately but if I just get back in track starting NOW I should be okay, says Skwigg and I believe her because I have no other option ;)

The Small Things Matter

This morning I was just stepping outside when I noticed that the bus was already at my stop, letting on the two people who ordinarily wait there with me in the mornings. Knowing that I wouldn't make it in time, as the doors had already closed, I sighed and began walking to the metro.

I can take metro to work, but it's an enormous pain in the morning when time is of the essence.

I was all set to be in a bad mood when the bus driver pulled up next to me and opened the doors! Yay!!

SO TAKE THAT all my colleagues who advise me to vary my routine. I LOVE that my bus driver recognizes me because I'm on his route every morning and that he picked me up even though I didn't make it to the stop. Little gestures like that really matter, especially in the city where things can feel so anonymous.

The Morning After

This is what is looks like after a night of healing:


It's really tender, and I have all this food in the house that I can't eat because I don't want to use that hand to prepare food. Boo!!