Injury Report and Misc. Photos

I am injured. I don't quite know how it happened, but I seem to have strained my entire right quadricep from the knee all the way up to the hip flexor. DEEP within the hip flexor I have pain and it's a really difficult place to isolate for a stretch. So this has thrown my training schedule off a little... I took Monday off instead of running 4 miles, had a light yoga class last night instead of a tough one, ran 2 easy miles today instead of having it off. I hope that I will be back on track for tomorrow's 4-miler. In the mean time I am applying heat, gentle massage, and stretching/walking to keep the muscles loose.

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Last night I went out to McGinty's Public House in Silver Spring for some much needed tunes!! Even though I felt way out of practice I had a great time reconnecting with my friends and sharing in the craic. Here is a picture of me and Doc at the end of the evening after many a Guinness.

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A few weeks ago, I talked about purchasing new beds for my kitties and their subsequent turning-up-of-the-nose at my offering. Well, as I predicted, a sufficient amount of time has gone by and they are finally venturing into the beds for their little naps. I caught each of them trading off snoozes this morning.

A Basic Dilemma

It's NHL playoffs time and the Red Wings are, of course, in the number one spot in the Western Conference. We clinched that spot almost as soon as we could.

Most of you who know me know that I love hockey. I love hockey and I love the Wings. I grew up watching hockey at home and have great memories of going to games. But when I moved to DC, I lost a lot of my hockey-watching capabilities. DC isn't much of a hockey town, and the games aren't on the local channels. Not being a digital cable subscriber, I was left listening to the games on streaming radio. I grew to really enjoy that - it's old school, and anyway, I've been watching hockey long enough that I need to hear the game OR see it, but not both.

Now, though, playoffs are here and I decided to bite the bullet and order digital cable so I could watch the games on the Versus channel. This was a really conflicted decision for me, as I tend to eschew technological upgrades (or even initial purchases!) on the grounds that it draws one to the world and away from more important spiritual pursuits.

So, in typical style, I struggled and vacillated about the decision to upgrade to basic cable. I called and made an appointment, cancelled it. Called back and re-submitted my request. And contrary to my fear that having digital cable would draw me to the TV more, I think that the upgrade actually make my TV watching more mindful since I now have the option to flip through the guide (no more channel surfing) and I also have channels that could actually be meaningful to watch, such as the Independent Film Channel.

So now, as this post has been typed in several short spurts while playoff game three goes to commercial, I will end it and go back to supporting my team, who are well on their way past the quarterfinals to the semis...

Huh.

The strangest thing just happened. I got dressed for yoga, walked outside, and at the end of the block I calmly turned around and came home again.

I guess I'm not going to yoga class tonight.

Last night my friend Danny and I took a Level One class together and then went for a nice four-mile jog. I felt great last night and this morning - light and clean. But now I feel heavy and tired, my hamstrings are tight, and I'm just worn out.

Maybe my double workout was a bad idea. Or maybe my body just needs a rest regardless of last night's training. It has been a long, hard week both at work and in my personal life.

Still, I'm stymied.

Oh well. It is what it is. Tomorrow, a 10k.

Phrases that don't make sense if you think about them

"used to" as in, I used to be a runner.

"for starters" as in, for starters you can buy me a drink!

"good people" as in, he's good people. HE (singular) is not PEOPLE (plural)

I'm sure there are more that really get on my nerves, but I can't think of them now.

Good Luck Matt

Today is the culmination of months of training, as Matt heads downtown to run the Cherry Blossom 5k. You can read his pre-race (and, I assume, post-race!) report on his blog, Still Waiting For the Runner's High.

Yesterday he went to the Expo and found a t-shirt that made him think of me. It says, "In my dreams I'm Kenyan" - he was nice enough to buy one for me. He also had the immense privilege of meeting my favorite runner, Catherine Ndereba, aka Catherine the Great. Here is a picture of the two of them:


He taped her whole talk and asked her a couple of questions. I can't wait to hear the tape. She is a freaking LEGEND in the running world. I'll never forget watching her run Athens, and I can't wait to watch her run Beijing this year. ::swoon

Today we are finishing up the birthday celebrations with brunch on the Old Town waterfront and, later, dinner at my brother's. Tomorrow my mom, her husband, and my oldest brother fly back to Michigan and I go back to work.

Surprise!

This weekend my mom and her husband, along with my aunt, are in town for a wedding. It also happens to be my mom's birthday, so as a surprise we devised a plan to bring my oldest brother to DC from Northern Michigan! Yesterday the boys, Mike's finacee, and I gathered at The Dubliner on Capitol Hill to wait for my mom's husband to lure her down to the bar for a pre-rehearsal dinner drink (cause who doesn't need one of those?) The look on her face when she saw me there was slight confusion, then she saw my brother and was uncomprehending for a second before the shrieking and hugging and picking up of jaws off the floor started.

I love surprises like that :)

Then they went off to their dinner and we started the serious business of whiskey tasting and burger-eating. I became a bit distracted around 9pm when my left ankle started to swell and ache. I'm not sure why, exactly - the only thing I can think is that, since my running shoes are completely dead, my form was off earlier that afternoon and that may have put undue pressure on my tendons. Some ice last night, an anti-inflammatory, and more ice this morning seems to be settling things down. I'll replace my shoes on Tuesday and in the mean time try to take it easy.

Today is the wedding and reception, tomorrow is the birthday brunch and then dinner at my brother's pad in Arlington. Then, it's back to the daily grind.

I Need Goals

I feel stagnant.

I mean, I'm happy generally, life is good, I have a lot going for me in a lot of different areas....but... I don't know!

I think I'm finally over all the stress of grad school and missing the constant learning and testing of the intellect.

My New Year's Resolutions don't really count as goals per se, I am thinking of more intense self-improvement oriented things to work toward.

My running has been going great, and I have the goal of running the Detroit Half-Marathon in October. I'm a little averse to the idea of taking a class of some kind, only because I think it would be expensive and I'm not sure what sort of class I'd want to take. But maybe I will look into that more.

I could set a goal of reading more, but I read a lot already. Maybe a good goal would be to incorporate a more "academic" book into my stack. I read non-fiction already, so I need to take it a step further, maybe, and read something... schoolish.

Thoughts?

Yoga + Running = Best Time Ever, Apparently

Ultimately, I've decided, there just aren't enough days in the week for me to have an optimal fitness routine. I'm running three days and practicing yoga three days with one day off. The result? Running is improving. My day off activities are improving (heh), but my yoga is really suffering. So, in the interest of not losing my pathetic (but hard-earned) hamstring flexibility, I have begun experimenting with doubling up on running and yoga at least one day per week.

Last week I went for an easy three miles and ended up at the studio for a practice. The result? Decent run, horrible practice. Okay, well, part of the point is to rule out what doesn't work, so fine.

Last night I tried the opposite - I took the 6pm class and planned on finishing with a 3-mile loop home.

WELL. My instructor (who is a MAD RUNNING MACHINE himself - honestly, who runs 50 miles at a time? Or 100 miles? I mean, do you pitch a tent halfway through and sleep the night? I don't get it) gave me the option of only doing the first half of the practice to run, but I wanted to try the whole thing, just as an experiment.

So, practice over, I stepped into the cool mist and embarked. Disaster right away. My legs felt like spaghetti. Weirdest feeling ever. I almost bagged the run right there and just took it home (1 mile) but instead I said to myself, "Hey, it's just an experiment, give it a shot and see how it goes. If you don't finish, so what."

And so I ran! And as I ran, I felt better and better. My core was completely engaged, my body felt light, my head calm. As I ran my legs moved faster and faster and a couple of times I tried to moderate my pace, but my body wouldn't listen.

The result? A 5k personal record and the best night's sleep I've had in a long time!

Countdown!

Well folks, in yet another defiance of my self-imposed technophobia (the first being the installation of Twitter), if you would kindly look to your right, just under my gorgeous face you will see a countdown ticker.

That's right - my father and I are running the Detroit Half-Marathon in exactly 202 days and... well... you can watch the days, hours, and minutes tick down yourself!

"Official" training won't start until July 1. Until then, I'm just logging miles and trying to build a good base of endurance.

Matt has also signed up for the race! And, hey, if you clicked on the link I just provided to his running blog, you should also head on over to his new political blog, the Intelligent Independent. There's always something good to discuss.

Oh what a day

Day from hell is finally OVER. Things don't blow up at work very often, but when they do, it's a total nightmare.

I spent SEVENTY dollars for my kittens' second birthday. Twenty of those dollars were for new cat beds. Currently, they are taking long naps next to the beds. After about a week, they will deign to climb in. Smartasses.


I need yoga, and need it badly. Then, I need wine. And then sleep.

Foodpix

I am so thankful that good produce is finally coming back to my neighborhood Giant. Today I stopped in and purchased apples (Granny Smith and Pink Lady), plums, and nectarines. The combination of colors is gorgeous. Here is a picture of my fruit bowl. Behind it you can see my Precision Nutrition and Gourmet Nutrition books. There is one less plum now than when this was taken:


Dinner was a simple dish inspired by a conversation last night with my muse of food and beauty, Allison. She told me about some fresh peas she steamed, which led to a discussion of our mutually favored essay "P is for Peas" from An Alphabet for Gourmets by the monarch of food writing herself, M.F.K. Fisher.

I steamed peas (shelled) for six minutes and edamame (in the shell) for five, combined with one pat butter and a handful of crumbled feta. Two grinds of fresh pepper. The texture and color really popped - what a lovely, fresh, simple meal.

Run Report

The moment I set out on my hilly 5-miler this afternoon, I knew it wasn't gonna be good. The top I was wearing was too baggy, meaning that all of my jiggly bits were, well, jiggling.

Ew.

And my legs just felt heavy. I felt like I was shuffling rather than running. Everything felt weighed down. Did I have a 10-pound boulder in my pocket and had forgotten or something?

Nope.

But then I caught a glimpse of myself in a storefront, and I was trucking!

Yay!

But I knew that the last leg of the run would consist of steep rolling hills, including The Hill, and I wanted to save some, so I slowed down. I really make it a goal to run a positive split (second half faster than the first) and the best way for me to do this is to start a little slower than I think I ought to.

But:

After a few minutes my pace picked up again, naturally. So finally I just decided to go with it.

Until;

Turning north on 34th St, beginning the rolling hills. Everything ground to a halt: my momentum, my desire, my pulse. Every step was laborious. And I knew, I still knew that after all these hills yet before I could collapse on the floor of my lobby and stretch was...

The Hill.

This Hill has been my enemy since I began running in Washington, DC. Even during my high-mileage days when I was training for the marathon, I barely ever made it up The Hill without stopping. But recently, and by that I mean in the past month or so, I have made it up The Hill without stopping every single time. Which didn't make me any less worried today because to be honest I wasn't have the greatest run or feeling very strong.

So,

I encouraged my way up one of the preceeding hills by offering myself a bribe: make it up this one and I would let myself walk up That One.

Nice.

But then, when I got to the foot of The Hill, instead of my normal drill-sergeant-esque inner monologue, ("Run your lazy ass up that hill, maggot, if you ever want to see the light of day again!") I said to myself, gently, "Diana, just give it a try."

And!

I shortened my stride, lowered my arms, fixed my gaze, and chugged my lazy strong and sexy ass all the way up that hill and home.

I rock.

Remake!

Hollywood is remaking Michael Haneke's "Funny Games."

I've been a 'fan' of Haneke ever since I traumatized myself and my friend John with "The Piano Teacher" years ago in college. I can't believe John still wanted to be my friend after I subjected him to that film.

Haneke is rough. His films are not for the mentally or physically weak. They will leave you exhausted and wondering if you will be able to crawl the distance from the couch to your bed so you can shudder under the relative safety of your covers until the images go away.

It's not bloody or gory. No gratuitous violence. Just dread. Foreboding. Psychological terror.

I blogged a review of the orignal Funny Games after I saw it. This is what I had to say:

Several years ago, Michael Haneke's film The Piano Teacher traumatized me severely. It wasn't until recently that I was able to sit down and watch it again. I've since decided to face Haneke head on, and a few minutes ago finished his more recent film, Funny Games.

I'm not sure where to start, except to perhaps paraphrase Haneke himself by saying that this is a film reserved for those who need to watch it. If, he says, the viewer is upset with the film by it's end, he would simply ask, "Why did you stay to finish it?" And indeed he presents some interesting concepts that an ordinary person might need to be walked through - or, more likely, might wish he had never be shown.

The genuis of the film is the way Haneke makes the viewer an accomplice in the violence. You'll see what I mean if you watch it. And beyond that, he generates the most acute frustration, as you realize that the victims are acting in a tragedy but the aggressors in a comedy. Watching the interaction is maddening.

Between this film and last night's Janghwa, Hongryeon (A Tale of Two Sisters) I'm in need of some serious comedy.

I deliberately left out any summary of the plot. These sorts of films, "foreign" in genre, don't generally follow the predictable plot arc to which American viewers are accustomed. They're left saying, "I don't get it" or "the ending sucked" or some other comment that entirely misses the point. These films speak to the human condition, that aspect of which most of us prefer to avoid facing. Plot is there, consistency is important, but the plot is not the only genius aspect of Haneke's films, and it's certainly not the most important aspect to bring out in a review.

If this sort of thing confuses or bores you, the film will, too. If you're intrigued, proceed with caution. If you love this line of thought, Haneke's your man, but don't hold me accountable for your nightmares.

On the Importance of Being Flexible

I am home sick from work today. Last night I developed a sore throat, which got progressively worse and woke me up at 4am, throbbing.

I am a firm believe of taking care of oneself at the first sign of sickness. I have staved off several potential colds this winter season using this method. The problem is that I hate taking unscheduled days off from running or yoga, so I need to develop a way to encourage my health while maintaining some semblance of an exercise regimen.

Athletes get sick, they do, and yet they figure out a way to maintain their endurance so that a brief sickness (or preventative rest) doesn't set them back to square one once they finally feel able to get back out there.

So later today, after a couple more glasses of water and tea, some soy protein and ibuprofen, I will go on a long (4.5) mile walk, incorporating one errand, in lieu of the five-mile run I had scheduled.

Walking can be just as good for a person as running. The heart rate doesn't get quite where it should be, but calories are still burned, muscle tone still developed, lungs still exercised. Yet I will be spared the frantic inhale-exhale of cool air that could exacerbate my sore throat.

And, as my mom so wisely said to me this morning, the reason people get tired when they're sick is because the body is expending it's energy fighing the invaders. So it makes sense to try to preserve that energy for the immune system, but at the same time it's important to preserve a certain level of fitness.

Back to the couch now. Here is my map. I hope y'all are feeling okay today and taking care of yourselves.

Need a Break

My social calendar has been quite full lately. I've been out around town listening to amazing concerts, dining with famous friends, flashing my gams around the neighborhood, and playing music.

The result - I'm exhausted. I need a break. I need a weekend.

Bender Ball Review

I can't say exactly what prompted me to finally, after months and months of seeing fragments of the infomercial, purchase a Bender Ball. But I did, and I've used it twice, and at the prompting of uber-reviewer Matt, will attempt to discuss my impressions.

The Bender Ball plus instructional DVD arrived about a week after ordering. The ball itself is rather small, about three-quarters the size of a soccer ball, and comes with a plastic straw that you use to inflate. The size of the ball makes inflation difficult, as the little bit of air that inevitably escapes when you remove the straw to insert the platic plug deflates the ball significantly. The good news is that the ball doesn't have to be fully inflated to work well. The bad news is that you have to inflate the ball before every use, and sometimes mid-use, if your session is vigorous.

The insructional DVD is, to be blunt, horrible. The instructor has flabby, uninspiring abs and the pace is incredibly slow. After one minute of the first segment I skipped to the second segment and lasted only two minutes there before giving up on the DVD entirely.

Regardless, my abs were on fire with the first slight movements, and even though I ended up deviating from the DVD and creating my own moves based on other abdominal workouts I've done, I can say confidently that the Bender Ball targets the upper and lower abs, as well as obliques, efficiently and successfully.

The first day, I used the ball for only about ten minutes, experimenting with various movements designed to hit all abdominal sections. The next day, I didn't feel sore until I got to yoga - suddenly, my abs said 'hello!' in ways they ordinarily don't. The slightest bit of core engagement on the mat and I could feel the soreness; undoubtedly the result of my Bender Ball workout.

The second time I used the Bender Ball, I went for it a little more seriously. I tried some more advanced moves and more repetitions. This thing is TOUGH. My abs were on FIRE. Despite the inflation issues and poor DVD, if you want a good abdominal workout and are decently creative, the Bender Ball WILL develop strength and tone in the midsection.

One last comment - as I was unpacking my Bender Ball, I noticed that the packing slip included an alarming little sentence that said, "Next shipment in about 30 days." Now, I have read myriad reviews online claiming that the Bender Ball company sent additional shipments and had horrible customer service. I've read stories of people claiming that they couldn't get the "continuity service" cancelled despite numerous phone calls and were billed repeatedly for additional DVDs never received. That said, it was with much trepidation that I called the customer service line to request that all future shipments and billings be stopped immediately. Overall, I was very satisfied with the customer service I received - I was immediately connected to a real live (and friendly) person without having to navigate any automated menus. Pleasantly, my representative agreed without argument to halt future shipments and provided me with a cancellation number for my references. I will be keeping an eye on my credit card statement for a few months, though.

Overall, I feel that the Bender Ball, while structurally lacking in some regards, provides a tough and effective abdominal workout superior to floor crunches. I will continue to use it to supplement my yoga and running regimine. The accompanying DVD, however, has been deemed useless and will be going in the trash.

My Lionesses

Elena (left) and Natasha lounging on a Saturday morning.




Normally mild-mannered Elena sneaks up on her sister.

Dinner!

I made dinner tonight after my run and it looked so beautiful that I had to take a photo!

Whole wheat penne with grilled chicken, halved grape tomatoes, baby spinach, and a basil pesto with a half-bottle of Rocca della Macie Chianti Classico.

So Much Going On!

*My Bender Ball arrived. Unfortunately as I type this my hair is soaking up some chocolate brown dye, so I cannot dive in and start working on the rock hard abs. Tomorrow.

*Many of you know that I don't like to have more than two of anything. This includes pillows, kittens, and place settings. Unfortunately, I have come to realize that it is lame to only have two place settings when I am trying to entertain. So I am now the proud and panicky owner of a sixteen-piece dish set. I haven't unpacked yet. I need a tranquilizer first.

*Yes, I am dying my hair. Just one or two shades darker. This may sound weird, but almost two years ago I was at a Hawaiian themed party and I dressed up and wore a long dark wig as part of my costume. And I just loved how my skin looked against a chocolatey brown hue! So I finally went for it. Don't worry, I used an ammonia-free semi-permanent color, so my locks won't be fried and the color will gradually fade in six months. I won't have gross ugly roots showing through.

*This weekend I will combine my two most common running routes to make the longest distance I've attempted in three and a half years. Why? I don't know.

Precision Panic Attack

So my new diet is Precision Nutrition. Without going into major detail, I'll just say that there are these "10 Habits" that you are supposed to be compliant with 90% of the time, and one of those habits is to have a complete protein and vegetable with every meal.

I decided to really give this a shot for at least 30 days with my goals being fat loss and improved running performance.

With enthusiasm, I made a grocery list and hit my local Giant. I just bought more food and spent more money on one shopping trip than I think I have in... well... ever. Honestly. My typical weekly trip costs me about $35, with maybe one additional mini-trip mid-week costing about $15.

Today? I spent SIXTY-FIVE DOLLARS(USD). I feel ill.

Two apples
Two oranges
Organic trail mix
1 bag baby carrots
1 bag baby spinach
1 pint cow's milk
1 quart soy milk
4 servings Greek yogurt
1 pk. whole wheat pita
String cheese
6 chicken breasts
4 cans tuna
1 can cannelini beans
1 box water crackers
1 doz. eggs
1 carton feta cheese
1 carton Unconditionally Chocolate Dove ice cream

I am literally shaking. I can't believe there is so much food in the house. And before y'all get on my case about the ice cream, I have denied myself junk food in almost every form for a long time now, and it was getting to the point where even contemplating an ice cream purchase was grounds for a major panic attack in the freezer isle. So just the fact that I was able to allow myself a little splurge without a stream of negative self-talk pushing me to throw it out as soon a I got home is a pretty good thing. I'll eat it and won't apologize for it, thank you very much.

I was able to squeeze in a five-mile run in between some pretty heavy rain showers. I got soaked turning the corner into the last 3/4 mile, but no biggie...

Disoriented!

So today I didn't have to be in to work until 8am due to having to stay late for a meeting this afternoon. And while it was nice to sleep in and eat a proper breakfast in front of The Today Show (I think Matt Lauer is sorta hot, sorry!), I have to say that I don't really like the feeling of coming to the office so late.

I'm accustomed to being the first one in, before any other day shift official or detective. I'm used to being the first line of information. I like walking into a dark office and flipping on the lights and having an hour or two of silence to get the morning work done in peace. Getting to work early makes me feel like I have a high work ethic.

But when I got here today everything was already bustling, my email was full of chatter and yet I didn't know what the conversation was about because I was coming in in the middle. Even though I was technically "on time" for my tour of duty, I felt late and lazy and as though I would be playing catch-up all day.

At least it's Friday and this weekend should be rainy and cold - perfect reason to stay inside with my Netflix movies, needlepoint, magazines, kittens, and full wine rack. I did my long run yesterday so I'll just squeeze in 3-4 miles tomorrow when I can... no pressure to get out there for more than 45-minutes. I really need a rejuvenating weekend. Let it begin!

Ambitious Undertaking

The weather has been so perfect lately that I am going to do my long run tomorrow instead of waiting for Saturday.

I really have just as much time on a weekday as I would on a weekend if I embark straight after work.

This is it. A 10k.

T-Storm Aftermath

The much-anticipated thunderstorm hit late last night, but I was satisfied nonetheless. The only thing I don't like about such weather is the worms! I hate worm-covered sidewalks, I hate stepping on worms and grinding them into the bottom of my shoes, I hate tracking worm guts around the office or wherever I am. I hate that worms flee to the sidewalks to avoid drowning only to inevitably get stuck and dry up in the sun and die anyway.

I AM NOT LAZY

But it's raining and I'm tired and I'm out of classes on my card at the ashram and I can't afford another one right now so I am just going to stay home and do a practice in the low light of dusk with some nice music and tea and my shower only steps away and I walked over a mile and a half today already and ran four yesterday and I don't want to hear that I'm LAZY for staying in!

That's all, thank you.

Hmmm....

... Even though I'm an adventure junkie... maybe I'm a teensy bit relieved to not be in Colombia right now.

Lately I've Been Single-Minded

So I know this is an all-running all-the-time blog these days, but just deal.

Yesterday I went out for three miles with Matt to see if I could uncover some of the causes of his ailments, notably a numb foot and trouble building endurance.

I had a feeling that the endurance problems were the result of doing too much too fast too soon on too hilly terrain. And the terrain was indeed hilly. I don't think we ran on flat ground at all. So I give him lots of props for getting out there as often as he does... it's frustrating to run on elevation because it takes so much longer to build endurance. And without endurance, running is frustrating. When running is frustrating, people quit. Matt hasn't quit yet and has a lofty goal coming up in April. For that, I'm proud of him!

I'm proud of myself as well for running the longest distance since ending my marathon training several years ago - close to eight miles, and hilly, and I felt DAMN GOOD when I got home.

Being here in this moment, hanging out in my sunny and clean apartment with tea and two snoozing kittens, dinner with good friends last night, a leisurely morning followed by some yoga and then a shopping excursion later on, I'm glad that I'm here and not in South America. Don't get me wrong... Colombia would have been the trip of a lifetime, but in the here and now, I'm content where I am.

I'm All A-Twitter

If you look to your right, you will see a little box above my links called It'sAJoy2BHidden! This is a cool feature called Twitter that Matt has been using for a while and is a lot of fun. Basically, I can provide short snippets from my day without composing a whole post! So check back often because I'm all a-twitter!

Nervous!

Matt is having trouble building endurance. So I offered to run with him tomorrow in order to get a better idea as to what exactly could be going on. Is it a form issue? A pace issue? I'll know more tomorrow.

I plan to run to Matt's (2.75 miles), then do three miles with him at a 3-min run/1-min walk interval. Hopefully he will agree to give me a lift home, otherwise I'll hoof the 2.75 miles back to my neighborhood.

Even with the ride, I'm looking at almost six miles to run tomorrow... the most significant distance I've attempted since getting my feet back under me. And from what I understand, Matt's route contains some pretty significant hills...

Thankfully, I'll be able to soothe my aching muscles and possibly bruised ego over dinner at Dukem with two good friends later that evening.

Shakin' Things Up

After an unscheduled day off this week I decided to shake things up and make sure I wasn't losing strength. I hate taking unscheduled days off; it's a very dangerous habit to get into. So I chose a little longer route with significant elevation changes. See below.


The hardest part of running is the mental part. It always blows my mind. I don't get fatigued running up a hill until I can see the top. I can feel at my strongest until I can actually see my apartment building, and then I can't. run. another. step.

I don't really like the way my shins are feeling these days. I think I'm due for a few pair of shoes. And a massage. Not necessarily in that order.

False Alarm!

I was this close to travelling with Stephanie to Colombia this Saturday, but her family doesn't think it would be safe to take a foreigner into the smaller villages where they would be going to spend time with aunts and uncles. So, in the interest of not being kidnapped by guerillas, I will concede their judgment.

However, her law firm will be putting her up in a swanky London flat for six weeks this summer, my father is contemplating a brief assignment in either Eastern Europe or China, and my mom is still trying to arrange a trip to Ireland in the fall. So all my highly active travel bug will be let out of it's cage this year... stay tuned!

Should i practice swallowing really big grapes?

All will become clear... hopefully by tomorrow afternoon!

Finally

A much needed morning to myself. It's my own fault for working late on Friday and early on Saturday, but the overtime will be worth it. The other result, however, is that I feel totally burned out between that and all the hectic weekends I've had so far.

I mysteriously injured my shin yeserday. My routine 4-miler felt great, but when I got home I developed a dull ache in the lower part of my right shin. Doesn't feel like shin splints. But I almost cried walking down to the Metro last night to meet the gang at Sonoma where we were able, somehow, tragically and only by possessing hearts like champion race horses, to kill the $800 open bar tab created for her fiance's birthday. Steph was worried it wouldn't happen. My naive little Stephanie.

This morning I am slightly hungover - but my shin feels a lot better.

I'm fighting the urge to run off to yoga because I really, really want to stay home and have an unstructured half day. I only want to want to go to the 10:30 class so I don't disappoint Keith, and having realized that that the motivation appears to center around pleasing the instructor and not the yoga practice itself, I decided to chill out and go to the 4pm Open class instead. Keith would understand a need to rest. I'll pick up the pace at Mysore on Tuesday.

Ungh

I'm tired. I've been busy. Good things, mind you - a fantastic trip to Manhattan, my mom and John visiting for a long weekend, lots of running and yoga and long walks during my lunch break.

But I haven't really had much unstructured time to just rest. This weekend I'll be working, which makes three in a row with little opportunity for rejuvenation. And while dawn is breaking significantly earlier (I see rays of light by the time my bus drops me off at work!) I still feel generally run down and slow.

In better news, I've added one mile to my weekday running route, for a total of four miles Monday and four Thursday; five at minimum on Saturday. Here is a map of the four-miler:


It's a decent route, hilly enough to be interesting and populated enough to be distracting.

I just want warm weather. I want light feminine clothing and lemonade. I want to do yoga on the roof and break a sweat while running. I want to throw the windows open and walk outside without tensing against the cold. Soon??

Afternoon Pix

This is a snowplow out on patrol. Note the mostly dry pavement. Note no flurries in the air. I'm all for readiness and all... but this is just silly.





Creepy: two dead birds.

Stuff

I'm delinquent on the blog, which is nothing new.

Last night my mom and her husband, my brother, his fiancee, his future in-laws, and I went over to the ::drumroll::.... H ST NORTHEAST CORRIDOR for dinner and a show.

I only give the drumroll because twelve months ago I severely admonished a friend of mine for venturing to that part of town to visit a bar. It wasn't safe. At all.

It still isn't, really, but there's safety in numbers and one block seems to be gentrifying at a pretty decent rate. There's a cool theater there (The Atlas) and a restaurant that, with some more time under it's belt, will be impossible to get in to. But right now, due to the prix fixe menu and the fact that that it's probably difficult to attract experienced servers to a fledgling restaurant in a fledgling neighborhood, the dining experience was only average.

I've been at a steady four miles per day and feeling good about it. No matter how hard I tried, various impediments have precluded me from going to the yoga studio recently. I'm starved. I'll go Tuesday.

In other news, the powers that be tell me that "ballet" will be in for spring. I can't wait. I think I pull off soft and pretty fairly well, despite my dirty mouth! It would help if I could add another two inches to my hair length...

Unintended Consequences

So it seems that my running days, which are becoming longer and more frequent, provide great opportunities to do good deeds! It seems like every other time I'm out there I'm either able to give directions or help someone cross the street. Yay!

On the other hand, it also makes me the unwitting target of leering strangers. Now, I can see it happening in the summer months when I'm flashing my gazelle-like legs around town, but in the winter? Really? When I look like a blob wearing a sack? Is it really necessary to call me "baby?"

Everyone's got their paraphilia, I guess.

NYC Pics

Okay, I'm really annoyed at blogger right now. Some of these pics aren't posting as the size they should be... argh. And I can't get the line breaks to look right. But anyway, you can see them, I guess, and if you aren't happy here you can go check out the links I left in the previous post to Trent's blog, where the photos came out much nicer. Anyway, for your viewing pleasure, some photographic documentation of our fabulous weekend in Manhattan!



Trent and I after seeing Rent on Broadway. We saw that show together almost ten times back in 1997 at the Fisher Theater in Detroit!




Trent, David, and I having small plates at Tasca in the West Village.





All dressed up and someplace to go? - Siouxsie!!!






Trent's punk a nice contrast to my glam.






A goddess.






A muse.






We bask in the presence of Siouxsie Sioux!






Post-concert contentedness.

Back to my humble little life

Well, I made it home from a wild weekend in Manhattan. Details and pictures to follow tomorrow, but if you just can't wait you can check out Trent's blog for Saturday and Sunday... he posted pictures and a recap at the end of the posts passed the gossip and newslinks...

A Lazy Day in the West Village

So I arrived in Manhattan yesterday and the weekend started off big! Trent and I went for a walk around Soho and found a great little place to have lunch. Then we ended up at Diesel (surprise surprise, Trent's favorite store) where I fell in love with a cute little summer dress. It was one of Diesel's runway pieces - only eight or twelve exist in the NYC and Melrose stores. At Trent's prodding, I tried it on. It looked hot and adorable and sexy all at the same time, but unfortunately cost almost as much as my rent payment.

Well.. I am blessed with a generous friend because that dress is sitting in a bag right next to my suitcase waiting to be brought back to DC.

Then we went on to see Rent. The two of saw Rent several times in Detroit almost ten years ago as our friendship was just beginning, and I have to say that I think that cast was a little better than the cast last night. Roger in particular was a little disappointing, but we had a good time nonetheless. Then we met up with Trent's boyfriend David for some small plates at Tasca before finishing the night Vlada, a bar where few females frequent, if you get my drift. Trent got recognized everywhere we went, which was a little weird for me, seeing as how I've known him since before he even knew what a blog was.

We've just lounged around all day today. I dragged myself out for a four-mile run along the Hudson River in a cold Manhattan rain; now it's naptime so we can be awake and energized for Siouxsie's solo show in a few hours.

I'll post a few photos tomorrow night or Monday, once I get them all from Trent's camera. Stay tuned!

The universe has a way of getting what she wants

This coming Tuesday is "Chesapeake Tuesday." Maryland, Virginia, and DC will hold primary elections, and the race (at least for the Democrats) is close enough that the votes will really count.

Except mine, which will not be cast, because I'm registered No Party/Independent.

However, on Monday I will be serving jury duty. So even though I don't take part in this stage of the electoral process, I will be upholding my duty as a citizen in another realm.

I leave for Manhattan tomorrow morning. Stay tuned.

Siouxsie Sioux!

I'm Going To Manhattan Fo' Shizzle!!

Ah! God! I can't wait to see my dearest friend in the whole world! The friend I knew back before he became famous. Lordy, it's weird to go out with someone who's recognized by strangers. But it's cool, I never object to living the high life the couple weekends that we spend together per year.

Here is a shot of the two of us in LA almost exactly a year ago, enjoying a Thai feast.
















So, here's the scoop:

I leave Friday afternoon on the Hasidim bus, which is apparently much less sketchy than the Chinatown bus. I should arrive just in time to rush for front-row tickets to see Rent, which is leaving Broadway forever! This is major for Trent and I, since we solidified our friendship back in 1997 by seeing Rent in Detroit many a time (what was the final count? At least eight times for me, more for you!).

Then Saturday I plan to go on a nice run around Soho, which is where Trent's boyfriend lives and where I'll be crashing for the weekend. T will have to work (the man never takes a day off!) so I'll have the morning to myself.

The highlight of the weekend will be Saturday's concert - Siouxsie and the Banshees, for crying out loud! Trent and I saw her with her band The Creatures back in 1998 at The Shelter in Detroit. Some of you may recognize The Shelter from the movie 8-Mile; it's where Eminem competed in the rap battles that eventually made him famous. Anyway, she is amazing. She is a goddess and a muse. She is totally hot. Siouxsie Sioux... I can't believe it. I'm definitely going to channel my glam/rocker side for this event. I'm planning a hot red dress with black knee-high boots.

Then Sunday we'll just chill and probably catch up on some Simpson's viewing before I catch the bus back to DC. And Monday... jury duty.

So, I can't figure out how to embed text and the video in the same post, but the video you see is my darling Siouxsie performing one of my favorites, Swimming Horses. Enjoy! And be jealous...

A Zero Interest Day

So, it's the Super Bowl. Yipee.

I have no interest in the match, the half-time show, or the commercials. None whatsoever. But I'm going to stop by a friend's party anyway and take advantage of the amazing locale, decor, and cuisine. I'm sure I'll get at least partially caught up in the excitement of the occasion, right?

And then I'll be meeting up with a long-lost friend for an Afghan birthday dinner. So it should be a decent Sunday, and then it's back to the grind.

I leave for Manhattan on Friday!! More details coming soon.

Better Now

Wow, sorry for the alarm. I'm back on my feet. I left work a few hours early, took a nice long nap, and proceeded to have the strongest run that I can remember, in recent history.

I know myself as a runner well enough to know where my trouble spots are. I know that right around McKinley St I start to fatigue. I know that right after Military Rd, heading home, I start to get really bored and have to play a few mental games to get through it. I know how fast I need to start my run in order to have a positive split (i.e., running the second half faster than the first).

Today, none of that mattered. I started out at a clip that felt alarmingly fast. I never hit the wall. I never got bored. I probably shaved four minutes off my time, which is amazing at my pace and distance. I didn't want to stop. I wasn't breathing hard. I felt like a machine.

Self-Sabotage

Well, I never should have taken that second round of sedatives last night just before midnight, but I was desperate to get to sleep. It's mid-morning now and I'm clearly still under the influence. I could barely keep my feet under me this morning when I woke up.

I hate to say it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to manage my run this afternoon. Yesterday was my scheduled day off, and I don't want to take two in a row, but I would rather rest than have a bad run. I don't know. I'm trying to avoid making a decision until I get home from work and see how my body feels. Taking unscheduled days off is a Very Bad Habit to get into.

I hate this.

Suffocation

I fucking hate anxiety.

I'm suffocating and sedatives aren't working and I've been choking on my own breath for hours and that's just tonight. My alarm is going to go off way to soon to put up with this shit.

Go away and leave me alone. I fucking hate you.

ANXIETY

It's A Joy To Be-Fore I Sleep

The following is the result of a joint post composed by Matt and I after one and a half bottles of wine and scouring our memories for conversations over the past several years.

Reasons Matt and Diana Can Never Date

-Diana is too clean.
-Diana does not do well with "flaky" people. To her, this means people who do not always arrive EXACTLY when (or before) they say they will, or people who do not always do things EXACTLY as she expects them to be done. (N.B.: Diana's "expectations" are based (fairly) on what the person says they will do.)
-Diana has cats. Matt has a bird.
-Diana likes red wine. Matt only likes white wine.
-Diana notices everything Matt may happen to do accidentally. Matt thrives on people overlooking the little things.
-Diana can't sing. (N.B.: Not true!)
-Diana refuses to serenade Matt on her bazooki (N.B.: bouzouki).
-Diana thinks that Vespas are cooler than Segways.
-Diana makes more money than Matt does.
-Diana won't let Matt touch her. When Matt tries, she says, "HEY now! No funny stuff!"
-Diana is technologically inept.
-Diana is afraid of Matt's messy apartment.
-Diana is a fan of the "tough love" school of losing weight. Matt needs babying.
-Diana does not buy into Matt's many reasonable excuses.
-Diana likes the car/apartment far too warm for Matt's tastes.
-Diana gets up way too early and does not enjoy the night life.
-Diana is too argumentative.
-Diana doesn't like chick flicks.
-Matt has seen Diana naked in a professional context. (N.B.: Matt would still likely give Diana a chance because he is a compassionate individual. But to Diana, Matt is like a doctor. Matt has seen her, clinically, in all her glory. Romance is a difficult and fleeting thing to achieve, and the clinical aspect of the photography has made that tricky.)
-There is a lot of competition for Diana.

Let's hear it for collarbones!

Right, so, it's time to get all this under control again. I would like to bring my BMI down 1.5 points, and while I won't go so far as to post the current number (I'm not as brave as Matt when it comes to making personal stats public) I will let y'all know when it gets where it should be.

The weather is cold but generally mild and has made for the following schedule to be maintained pretty consistently:

Monday - 3.3 mile run
Tuesday - yoga
Wednesday - off
Thursday - 3.3 mile run
Friday - yoga
Saturday - 4 mile run
Sunday - yoga

I'm off ice cream indefinitely and trying to avoid the other winter culprits like hot chocolate and (my beloved) chai latte.

I have a host of special events on the calendar this year, including an upcoming trip to Manhattan and four weddings (two of which I'm standing in), so that should be enough motivation to keep the scale moving steadily down!

Nothing Further

Naked yoga. In my bathroom.

That's all I'm saying.

I can't seem to stop breaking glass today!

I woke up a klutz. My first act of the day was to break a glass in the kitchen. A few minutes later, I knocked my fruit bowl off the counter and spent a good minute cleaning up layers of shallot and garlic peel from the depths of the corners. Then I got on a bit of a cleaning kick and promptly shattered one of the glass lightbulb shields in my bathroom.

Later I managed to run AND go grocery shopping sans calamity, but the rest of the evening was spent inside never far from a precautionary box of band-aids.

I Feel Too Fat to go to Yoga

Or more precisely, I feel too fat to put on my fitted yoga clothes and stare at my self contorting in a mirror for an hour and a half.

I had the most delectable lunch: a panini with grilled chicken, avocado, and roasted red peppers. For dessert, a raspberry and strawberry crepe with one perfect scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Hence, fatness. I have fifteen minutes to decide what to do. Fourteen.

EDITED TO ADD: I went to yoga and I feel amazing. An inch taller. More lithe. Glad I swallowed my shallow body-consciousness and made a healthy choice. Here's to not being neurotic!

A Question for Myself

If a person prays to God for stronger faith, does God just give them faith? Or does He present them with situations that require faith and trust?

I don't pray for a specific path to present itself, I only pray that the path He has laid be illuminated and that, through grace, I am given the courage to walk down it.

One foot in front of the other...

Back in 2004 when I was distance running, I became co-dependent with my watch. I relied on it to track my pace, to ensure that I was running a positive split, and to schedule walk breaks (hey, don't judge me. When everything over 6 miles is a personal distance record and you're attemping 14 or 16 for the first time, you may need to walk a little. Or maybe that's just me.)

Since then, I've never, ever run without my watch. Until today, when I got home from work, suited up, and realized that the batteries were dead.

Can you guys believe that I almost bagged my run? Over a dead watch? How lame. After a stern self-lecture I abated my panic attack, laced up my shoes, and proceeded to run my strongest 3.3-miler since I got back out there a few months ago after my hamstring hiatus.

I powered up hills and let it fly on the plateaus. I sprinted through intersections to make the green light and lept over branches and curbs to avoid moms with strollers. I sweated, I burned, and I didn't miss my watch one bit.

Silver Lining

So I'm back to an annoying pre-0630h start time at work. But there is a bright side. Now that I take the 6:01 bus instead of the 6:36 bus, I can avoid the creepy Salvadoran guy half the time! Sometimes he is on my afternoon bus depending on which one I take, but at least I can avoid him in the morning.

Also, the 6:01 bus is right on time, and the 6:36 bus was very inconsistent and so I would end up having to go out early and wait up to ten minutes. And let me tell you, at that hour, every minute feels like an hour...

Temporary Hiatus

Yeah, I know I've been neglectful of IaJtbH lately... seems to be going around... I'll be back soon!

LOL!

Very funny.

Just 'cuz

Can't make up my mind!

I want to start running again! But I don't have sufficient clothing. One improvement via a Christmas present (thank you!!) but there are a few more things I would need... like shoes... and gloves...

I like the idea of running but am ambivalent about actually getting out there. Maybe what I need to do is carve out some time dedicated to running over the course of two weeks and make myself get out there and not skip a planned day. A little jump-start to get me through the painful endurance-building stage. A scheduled addiction acquisition.

Yeah. I'll do that. But first I have to get a day planner. And some shoes. And gloves.

It's that time again

The time for resolutions!

I love resolutions. I love the challenge of improving myself. Call me a nerd, I don't care!

Some of my resolutions this year are financial, and I won't go into detail here, obviously.

But I also want to:

Read more books (fiction and non)
Shop at the Farmer's Market more often (it's only three blocks away!)
Form a solid plan and take some actionable steps in re: my career future
Grow my hair longer!

Let it begin!

Bet

I have a bet with someone from work on the Wings/Caps game tonight.

When the Wings win, he will:
-Go around the office and tell everyone that the Wings do, in fact, rule and that his loyalties have been gravely misdirected all these years;
-Put a WINGS RULE sign on his desk for a week;
-Put a full-color WINGS RULE signs on all his car windows for a week;
-Wear a Wings jersey to the Adams Mill Grill on Thursday night when the Capitals play the Montreal Canadiens.

This guy is a long-time, hard-core Washington Capitals fan and will find all these conditions, even the first three which seem pretty minor to me, a grave injustice. He will be hurting. I will be smiling to myself... not gloating, really, just wondering at his childlike ignorance of the way the world works.

As if the Caps have a chance. Stay tuned.

Middlesex

By Jeffrey Eugenides. An excellent read. Intimate prose. A fascinating story - and set right in Motown, too.

I've been volunteering my time this week to help wrap Christmas presents for a toy giveaway. The first step was to sort the donations by gender, and then by age. This led to an interesting discussion about gender identity and socialization, especially when a guy I was working with threw a Rubik's Cube onto the "boy" pile! Rubik's Cubes are definitely "unisex." :)

In Middlesex, the main character is raised as a girl until, at age 15, her parents discover that she is genetically male. Until that point she self-identified as female, was attracted to females, and had female external genitalia. Her doctors recommend surgery to 'correct' a slightly ambiguous external genital, which would make her physically female, all the while noting in her file that her sex-chromosomes are male.

Is she male or female? Do sex-chromosomes or socialization determine gender, or is it a combination of both? Are there other variables that work in determining gender identification? If a child is born with ambiguous genitalia, should the doctor or the parents 'decide' what the child should be?

The hijras in India are an interesting example of a 'third gender' group generally marginalized but at the same time play a very important and revered role in certain religious ceremonies.

I saw a cute commercial recently. I can't remember the product beining sold, but the segment opens with a little boy tearing into his Christmas presents under a tree. Barbies, ponies, sparkly art kits, these are the sorts of things he's getting and you can see his face falling and becoming sad. He scrawls a letter: "Dear Santa, Kelly is a boy's name, too!"

I need to get me some smarts

I think I'm getting dumber.

So I have a plan.

Tonight I will devise a study plan for the winter which will involve brushing up on my philosophy, history, and law.

I am also going to try to do Sudoku every day, even though I suck at it. I'll still crossword too, but Sudoku is a real challenge for me and I think my brain could use the workout.

Can't... lose... intelligence...

Fierce Dreams

Some of my faithful readers will remember that my dreams are often innundated with large, exotic wild animals, and often bears. Sometimes I'm observing these animals, sometimes interacting with them, and sometimes they are trying to attack me.

Last night I dreamt that my dad and step-mother and I were getting ready to run a marathon. I remembered in my dream that when I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in 2004 that my shoes weren't as broken in as they should have been, which caused me some problems, and I was relieved that I had good shoes and socks for this run. My dad was putting a protein bar in his pocket for later but I was planning on buying one (?) halfway through.

So my step-mother and I posed for a pre-race picture when my dad shouted a warning. I looked through a line of trees to a field beyond and saw a huge lion bounding towards us. I dropped to the ground and laid there on my face and prayed to God while the lion stood next to me, deciding whether to attack.

Then, flash to my apartment and a huge lioness trying to get through the door. I could hear her pacing around outside in the hallway, and when she leaned on the door it opened and she could get a paw or her head inside! I was trying to lean on the door and close it, and there was this pet-door in the bottom center of the door that she was trying to squeeze through.

So I lit some paper on fire and blew the smoke towards her and she retreated a bit. Then I saw that my neighbor from across the hall had nailed some wood across his pet-door, and it seemed like he had been through this before and knew what to do.

But I was thinking, how can I nail something across this door when I have to hold the door shut so she doesn't push it open? But I managed to run and get a hammer and nails from the kitchen, and some cross-thatched Chinese screens I'm storing in my closet (in real life, actually!) and started to nail them across the pet-door.

Then I woke up, buried under the covers, on my stomach with my face underneath a pillow, ten minutes before my alarm.

I have two very cold real-life lionesses won't stay out of my lap or off my feet, which is just fine with me.

Paraphilia Memorabilia

"Prepare yourself to see some genitalia."

Truer prophecies than these, by my training instructor today, were never spoken.

Unfortunately, we were studying sex homicide, so the genitalia we viewed (photographically) weren't exactly... in tact. I will spare you further details.

It's a quiet snowy night (have you ever noticed how snow quiets the world?) and my brother has cancelled our sushi plans, understandable, so I have some much needed time to myself. Characteristically, I'm in the middle of three books. I still haven't put together my photos from the trip I took with my mom to Greece this past June. I might wrap some Christmas presents!!!! And I will certainly go to bed early, to wake early, as usual.

Rest for My Soul

So, I haven't really been running. For a while there I was doing okay, slowly building up my base mileage again. But now it's cold, and dark too early, and I don't have any proper running clothes, and I need new shoes, and running isn't giving me the pleasure it once did. So maybe my return to the streets was short lived. Maybe I'll try again once spring rolls around.

This has been a hellish, stressful, busy week. Two 13-hour shifts; being in a screaming speeding police car resulting in close proximity to a fire after three of the people I work for interrupted each other to call us pathetic for two and a half hours; a lovely dinner with a friend but I still reeked of smoke and pathos; a filthy apartment; neglected furry creatures.

I can barely take care of myself this week, and I'm just one person.

Some Girls Wander By Mistake

I wish I could compose a post as thoughtfully apologetic as Matt's as to why I haven't been writing much lately. But I can't. And I won't try.

I'm here. I've been travelling. Working, yoga, running, blah blah blah.

My life is a little weird right now. Up until my mid-twenties, things seemed to move in several-year stages. Three years of middle school, four years of high school, four years of college, two years of graduate school. And now I've just finished up my third year of full-time work, and I can feel myself getting antsy, not because I've lost my contentedness, but because the pendulum has swung back, the rhythm started over, and my life's clock says it's time for something new.

I also might be getting a little too comfortable. That frightens me. I don't
want to be too comfortable in my life. I want to be challenged and improving and a little afraid. Not afraid, excactly, but I don't want to become too accustomed to God's graces. I want to be awed by them continuously, and thankful, and most of all, I want to steward well the gifts He has given me and continues to give.

I Need a New Head

I have a cold.

BLAH.

A Gentle Start

Earlier today I was feeling just plain weak. Weak-willed, weak physically, weak spiritually. Generally just feeling like I sucked. Feeling short and scrunched up and inflexible and impure.

The driving rain and whipping wind that plagued me today didn't help my condition, but a nice, gentle, beginning level yoga class did. Immensely. I went in there feeling as though the only difference between me and a first-week beginner was that I had the Primary Series memorized. But soon enough my chest opened, my back lengthened, my hamstrings... well, not so much, but my mind settled down, and now I feel long and lithe and clean.

Yoga is like the Fountain of Youth. Seriously.

It's Raining and I Forgot My Umbrella (and other pathetic tales of woe)

It's raining and I forgot my umbrella and have to spend most of the day outside running from office to metro to other office to metro back to office.

My muscles are all scrunched up from hours and hours in the car over the weekend and I feel like I'm back to square one with my yoga practice.

I'm on "Ladies' Holiday" this week and won't be doing much yoga anyway.

My tea doesn't have enough milk.

I need a haircut (this is hard).

I wanna go home and go to bed.

Dreary, rainy day.

Road Trip

In a silly little PT Cruiser.

Ciao!

Why I Can Never Get Anything Done

Open Letters

Dear Kind Stranger,
Although, like dear Ralph Waldo, I am bent on self-reliance, and like venerable Betsy, banner-builder, I grip the reins of my independence by its needle and thread, I offer you my deepest thanks for giving me your Metro seat this afternoon. I was not feeling well -- indeed, the horn call of my personal liberté, égalité, fraternité blared not from my bosom (see next letter) -- and was thankful to avoid the stomach-rupturing stench of the slob crammed aisle .
A thousand thanks,
Di

Dear Starbuck(s),
I supped last night on magnificent cuisine (of which the Proof was in the pudding, though I had none), and was, needless to say, unprepared to gorge myself on one of your one of your average-at-best pumpkin muffins during our morning routine. The shock to my system was truly earth-shattering; indeed, having choked down the brick, I felt as though I was doing damage to under-foot with every step as I plodded, pumpkin-esquely down the sidewalk. Were it not for that the Crisco sheen aided in the application of my cosmetics, I would have retributively left you the crumbs.
Resentfully,
Di

Home Again

I did a lot of running this past week down in Georgia, but not much yoga. So boy, was I feeling my hamstrings (and lower back, and calves, and shoulders) this morning in class. I purposefully took a Level I class because I knew I was going to need to ease back into things... god, I had it when my body is weak.

Two short weeks ahead, and a road trip to which I'm very much looking forward.

Ciao for now

I'm off for a week of top-secret training in a top-secret location.

Talk to y'all next weekend.

The thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts...

I used to think that Christianity was stupid;

I used to think that in order to be perceived as having good taste I needed to criticize everything I saw/ate/read;

I used to hate olives;

I used to confuse arrogance and intelligence;

I used to think that being strong meant never needing anything from anyone;

I used to think that no one in the world was truly happy in their marriage.

..................................

I'm still afraid to answer a question unless I'm sure I know the answer;

I'm still afraid to try anything creative;

I still starve myself as punishment if I feel weak;

I still can't stop interrupting people on the phone;

I still can't do a yoga headstand;

I still enjoy dining in a restaurant by myself.

City Skyscape

She just can't get it quite right..

... so lately I have been taking the bus to work, which is actually quite nice. I like to look out the window and watch my city go by.

There is another woman who waits for the 6:36am bus with me, but she seems very confused and I don't think she actually checks the schedule. The bus, in my experience (and I don't take it every day) comes on time or within two minutes of being on time, yet this woman, right around 6:35, always starts to get really agitated and will give up on the bus. She'll hail a cab, and then the bus will usually come right after her cab has driven away.

She only takes the bus four blocks to the metro, anyway, so I don't see why she just doesn't walk... why take a $6 cab four blocks every day?

I've told her that the bus is supposed to come at 6:36, but I think she gets to the stop too early and feels like she's waited for ever, so she gets impatient.

I dunno, it's just a weird morning ritual to witness...

In Which Di Struggles To Keep Herself Intact

Lordy!

For some reason work has been really overwhelming all week. I have been falling asleep after work but still keeping up an evening yoga/running schedule, which is good, otherwise I would be turning into a completely useless lump.

The stress is enormous but the work (mostly) satisfying.

I need a moment of vanity to say the following: I'm so freaking competent at work. I rock. The volume and complexity of work I produce is truly awesome, the potential impact is life-saving, and I'm very, very proud of myself.

Run Report!

Today I began running again after an eight-month haitus. I ran a 3.3 mile route and finished in 36 minutes - not exactly a praiseworthy time, but I came in strong and felt great afterwards.

Mile 1: The beginning of my run was a struggle to run slow enough. Yep, that's right - slow enough. I'm trying to build my confidence again and set myself up to build a good base of endurance. The last thing I wanted to do was try to run my former pace and crash out early. The first part of my route is pretty much straight uphill, but I felt good.

Mile 2: The middle of the run was more difficult. My body kept trying to find it's own pace, which is ordinarily fine, except that my body's own pace was, for today, just too fast. So I consciously slowed myself down and distracted my mind by composing this post in my head.

Mile 3: By this time I had my second wind and was sailing right along - albeit slowly. I fought the urge to check my pace, fearing that knowledge of my slowness would cause me to try to speed up, which would then cause me to hit the wall and crash.

The finish: I just let my body open up for the last .3 miles or so. The finish is downhill and I was well into my second-wind at this point.

My plan is to take a yoga class tomorrow and try the same 3.3-mile route on Wednesday. I really need new running shoes, but the ones I have will do for another couple of weeks or so. I also need running clothes, being that I got rid of a lot of mine earlier this year, anticipating that when and if I started running again I would want to reinvent the wardrobe, anyway.

New Goal

I am blessedly (but, surely, momentarily) free of existential crises, so this post will be rather bland.

I'm thinking of putting on my running shoes again. My faithful readers will remember that I stopped running about six months ago to see if I could affect positive change in my hamstrings and thus open up my yoga practice.

The verdict? Uncertain. My hamstrings feel more open but I'm not sure if it's because I stopped running or because I increased the hours I spend on the yoga mat.

But with this lovely fall weather and the drop in humidity I find myself itching for a run, so I think I'll spend the rest of the year building up a good base of miles and after the First begin a serious training program to ready myself for the Cherry Blossom 10-Miler in April (thanks to Matt for the idea!).

I guess the dust hasn't cleared

Yesterday after work I hopped on the L2 bus to come home and found a young woman screaming at her toddler to take his time eating his cookie. Just after I sat down, she slapped him three times and took the cookie away because he wasn't 'eating it properly.'

The kid didn't flinch or whimper at all. His startle reflex has already burned out.

A few minutes later she was crooning happily to him and then announced to the bus that today was his birthday, he's turning one year old.

She gave the cookie back but still wasn't happy with how he was eating it, so she filled his bottle with some of her Diet Pepsi and shoved it in his mouth. He started crying and couldn't hold the cookie, bottle, and his blanket all at once so the bottle sort of fell in his lap. He continued to sob a little and his mother picked up the bottle, shoved it in his chest and shouted that the bottle is RIGHT THERE and she doesn't know what else he wants from her.

They got off the bus at the National Zoo and I thought that would be a nice birthday afternoon for a one-year old, but instead she crossed the street away from the zoo entrance. We were stopped at the light there and I watched her push the stroller into the liquor store.

My heart broke for that little boy and today I am still thinking about it today.

The Great Reminder

Plato said, "Be kind, for those who you meet are fighting a harder battle."

If there's one undercurrent to an education in the classics it's that anything meant to cultivate and improve the mind necessarily involves a certain amount of labor, and labor with no discernible end.

It's so easy to get absorbed in the work itself, the winter work of persistence and consistency and rhythm. The progress truly begins to come, however, with the realization that the fruits of all this labor lie outside of the labor itself. Disproportionate focus on the work is like looking at the finger pointing to the moon and missing the moon itself.

It's always been tempting for me to find my salvation in work, in the law, in the rules. Doing feels good, it feels productive and meaningful; in some ways it feels good to suffer and to punish myself for any perceived weakness.

Be gentler with me than I am with myself.

Trite

Sometimes you don't realize how valuable something is until it goes away, or almost does. I guess that's what's called 'taking for granted.'

I feel anxious and jittery. I've been cleaning and pacing. I'm not calm.

I miss yoga.

Wow, this feels more vulnerable than I thought it would...

Inspired by the resurgence of Matt's Primal Eloquence blog, I just attempted to outline my own two-week workout/weight loss plan right here in public.

But I just can't do it.

Matt, how do you make that sort of thing public and still... be okay??

Maybe it's just me, but - I hate talking about food in terms of dieting. Describe me a gorgeous eat-with-your-eyes-first haute cuisine dining experience and I'll beg you to go on forever, but talk to me about your low-cal this and non-fat that, how much you're eating and at what times of day and I just want to scream and poke my eyes out.

It's a horribly uncomfortable topic for me.

That said, Matt, I am following your adventures and you have my utmost support in your journey! Just don't ask me to talk about it with you over dinner the next time we go out, okay?

My Mood

Thanks to my Annapolitan for encapsulating it perfectly:

Now all the truth is out,
Be secret and take defeat
From any brazen throat,
For how can you compete,
Being honor bred, with one
Who, were it proved he lies,
Were neither shamed in his own
Nor in his neighbors' eyes?
Bred to a harder thing
Than Triumph, turn away
And like a laughing string
Whereon mad fingers play
Amid a place of stone,
Be secret and exult,
Because of all things known
That is most difficult.

--W.B. Yeats

Relapse

The culmination of my exceptionally challenging and stressful day came about an hour ago via panic attack while at yoga. I was literally hyperventilating in Adho Mukha Svanasana. A few poses later, I told Keith that I wanted to go home. He asked me to finish the standing sequence, after which he let me go with the promise that I would leave this behind me and show up anew on Thursday.

Now I am home in my cluttered and filthy apartment. My body is clean but my mind is a wreck. I feel disgusing and useless. I'm afraid to practice the banjo because my confidence is so shaky that a few bad tunes make me feel like never playing again.

But my Annapolitan offered a keen insight: it's the days when you don't feel like practicing that practice is so important. We talked about how that sets serious musicians (and athletes, and academics, etc) apart from the masses: anyone can practice their talent when it suits them, when it's easy. It takes true dedication and discipline to practice when it's hard, when you don't have time, when it's not going well and when you feel like quitting instead.

I quit yoga for today, but I am going to pick up the pieces and try to make something productive out of the rest of my evening. Wish me luck.

Still Alive

It seems as though leaves of absence are going around in the blogosphere these days.

I've been absent from most things lately - yoga especially. And reading. And prayer.

The Music is alive and well in my life, though, and that is an immense comfort to me.

Onward.

Purging the Healthy Way

No Mom - I am not bulimic.

I am in a mood to throw things away. Getting rid of excess is not just for spring cleaning, you see. I think it's wise to continuously pare down one's belongings and evaluate one's attachments to what one owns.

The problem for me is my definition of excess and the way I view any sense of affection for my possessions as being unhealthy and in need of dissolution.

For example: I do not like having two of anything. This ranges from black skirts to place settings to easy chairs to bottles of shampoo (and sometimes to kittens... NATASHA WILL YOU QUIT RUNNING AROUND). Sometimes, though, a person really needs multiples of things. I have been trying to come to terms with this. I have four whole wine glasses and two plates. I have two mugs for tea. And I have three black skirts. Yes, this makes me anxious, but I am trying to be okay with it.

I am not very attached to anything I own except for my kittens and my instruments. In some ways, I would like to have very few possesions that are exactly what I want and that I love. In other ways, I would like to feel as though I could give absolutely anything I own (with the aforementioned exceptions) away to someone who needed them without shedding a tear or looking over my shoulder. Sometimes I test myself by getting rid of things that I like, just to see how it feels. If I feel sad, then I have a nice talk with myself about the important things in life and how you can't touch them.

I am hereby acknowledging that this behavior is extreme. That is why, istead of getting rid of my coffee table or something else that I could justify "needing," I have decided instead to clean out my closet and purge worn out yoga clothes, unwanted apparel, and other useless clutter. Clutter being the key word, not anything that I am actually using.

And then I am going to meet up with Matt for MONGOLIAN BARBECUE and he has a very mysterious 'favor' to ask me, and hopefully it won't be something that makes my boyfriend want to maim him...

Untitled

It can be really overwhelming to think about a significant event in my life by tracing all the little details that led me there. It's scary because sometimes events are set in motion in such a way that, upon looking back, it seems incredulous that it all actually worked out and that nothing got in the way, and had I been ten seconds later or hadn't felt well or burned my dinner, that it would not have worked out the way it did.

In times when I can't fathom how our Creator has set in motion the events that have been ordained for us since the day we were born, I remember that even the hairs on our head are numbered. We are the answer to His question, and the question that He answers.

I Can't Relax

We got home pretty damn late last night (near 2am) and yet I still managed to drag myself to work. The day was pretty intense, and when I got home I fell asleep for about two hours. Which brings me to now and I hate this feeling, like I should be springing into action to make up for my weak will and lazy body that just crashed in the middle of the day.

I frantically did the dishes. Now I am thinking of re-stringing my banjo. And my bouzouki. And I should do some yoga since I will probably be skipping class tonight. Is David going to disown me? He'll at least be disappointed. I should clean. I should study. I should watch a film and return it to Netflix. I should check my work email. I should jog up and down the stairs a bit. I should go grocery shopping. I should clean my closet.

I should take a hint from my kittens and stretch out in a sunbeam and scrunch shut my eyes and breathe deeply and do nothing at all for the rest of this evening which I've dedicated to myself alone.

Why isn't that, like, simple?

Home Again

I apologize for the absence, dear readers (or as Patrick would say, I haven't been blogging enough blogging blog), but I've been up in New England for the past few days helping my grandparents celebrate their 60th wedding anniverary.

Sixty years. Can you believe it?

I'm finally home, and while I wait for my Annapolitan I'll be investigating the mystery of the Two Cute Kittens Who Did Not Get Taken Care Of Like Claire Said They Would. I'm more than dismayed. When I arrived they had no food or water in their dishes and yet there was food left in the bag - and there shouldn't have been if they were fed yesterday. That should have been all of it. Also, Natasha has a bloody gash on her shoulder. Now, I know my little girls tussle with each other from time to time (they are sisters, after all), but I've never seen anything go down between them fierce enough to draw blood. They must have been in the state of agitation that shelter kittens can regress to when left with dry plates.

Poor little girls. I'm glad to be home.